Page 5 | Impatient train woman

Bigtom · 2024-12-10T17:36:17+00:00

I regularly commute on a train for around an hour each way. There are no reserved seats. I have a type of arthritis that makes sitting (or standing!) quite uncomfortable so I try to get one of the limited seats with extra leg room. I walked the length of the train to find one today and the only one was a window seat with someone already sitting in the aisle. I duly asked the lady in the aisle if it was free and she said yes and stood up. I then took off my coat and got my coffee cup out of my bag and put my bag and coat in the overhead rack. While I did this a bit of a queue of people built up. When I sat down, the lady muttered “take your time why don’t you”. AIBU to think she was very rude and should sit on the window seat if she doesn’t want to move? When I said that, she responded that I was keeping other people waiting!

Mnetcurious · 11/12/2024 13:43

Curtainqueen · 11/12/2024 10:45

Apparently yes. Because commuters often just don't care. I say this as a disabled person who has frequently had to suffer increased pain on public transport because nobody will offer me a seat. On one occasion I was on crutches after another surgery and had to stand up for a half hour train journey because nobody would offer their seat. They all just looked at the floor every time I tried to make eye contact. I've got used to it now. This unfortunately is the reality for many disabled people because we are invisible. People pretend they can't see us or sheepishly look round waiting for someone else to offer us a seat so they don't have to. Often they just pretend they can't see us anyway. Trains are always far worse as there's a mentality among season ticket holders of I've paid for my seat and I'm keeping it. Busses I am always far more likely to be offered a seat.

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In this situation you need to do more than try and make eye contact! You need to loudly and clearly ask “would somebody mind giving up their seat please as I’m on crutches so can’t stand”. In my 20+ years of commuting experience, people would then be rushing to be that helpful person.

Original poster

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 13:30

Fireworknight · 11/12/2024 13:13

If there were lots of empty seats, then maybe the other lady chose this particular seat for health reasons, and chose the aisle seat as she prefers not to be hemmed in.

That’s fine and I don’t have an issue with that. I just object to being spoken to rudely when her decision meant she then had to stand up to let me in.

OP posts:

Fireworknight · 11/12/2024 13:13

If there were lots of empty seats, then maybe the other lady chose this particular seat for health reasons, and chose the aisle seat as she prefers not to be hemmed in.

LazyArsedMagician · 11/12/2024 13:06

Some of these responses are ridiculous.

OP should sit in her coat for an hour so as not to inconvenience people waiting in the aisle for what, a minute? Maybe even 2?

It's completely normal to take your coat off and put your stuff away, and OP is right, if it was so bothersome to this woman she should have anticipated being annoyed by someone asking for that seat and sat by the window herself.

toucheee · 11/12/2024 12:45

whatnow5 · 11/12/2024 11:33

Would you ever give it a rest?

You can’t expect to be treated in a way to accommodate your health condition if no one knows you have one.

Ps the OP has never said she considers herself to be/identifies as disabled, you’re projecting that on to her.

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Which is why you do the decent thing and are not rude to people taking time to settle in their seat, because you don't what disabilities they may have.

KookyGreenHelper · 11/12/2024 12:43

I hate it when people faf on public transport. I would have just sat down and done the necessaries once the scrum had cleared.

toucheee · 11/12/2024 12:37

thinkfast · 11/12/2024 12:02

If there were loads of empty seats, I'd find it strange that someone would ask me to move to come and seat directly next to me, and then faff about with coats and bags UNLESS they explained to me that they needed one of the extra legroom seats for health reasons. Did you do that OP?

I have quite bad eyesight and don't think I'd even notice I was in an extra legroom seat unless the difference was very significant or there was a large sign pointing that out.

An empty seat is an empty, you are not owed an explanation for why someone wants to sit there.

Original poster

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 12:14

thinkfast · 11/12/2024 12:02

If there were loads of empty seats, I'd find it strange that someone would ask me to move to come and seat directly next to me, and then faff about with coats and bags UNLESS they explained to me that they needed one of the extra legroom seats for health reasons. Did you do that OP?

I have quite bad eyesight and don't think I'd even notice I was in an extra legroom seat unless the difference was very significant or there was a large sign pointing that out.

There are 3 sets of double seats with extra leg room. Two are specifically marked as for disabled / elderly / pregnant women (all of these were taken), so it was the unmarked one I was going for. I didn’t say why I needed it. She may have thought it was odd, yes. I thought it was odd she was sitting in the aisle seat.

OP posts:

thinkfast · 11/12/2024 12:02

If there were loads of empty seats, I'd find it strange that someone would ask me to move to come and seat directly next to me, and then faff about with coats and bags UNLESS they explained to me that they needed one of the extra legroom seats for health reasons. Did you do that OP?

I have quite bad eyesight and don't think I'd even notice I was in an extra legroom seat unless the difference was very significant or there was a large sign pointing that out.

Curtainqueen · 11/12/2024 11:48

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/12/2024 10:55

Sorry this happens to you. Can you not just pick someone and say “excuse me could I sit there please”?

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I think you have to look at it in the context of the disabled person. When we so often feel sidelined and invisible we tend more to just accept our place in society is not equal rather than picking a person who may or may not oblige. You live in hope that when your disability is so outwardly obvious there are still decent people who will offer a seat without needing to be asked.

Original poster

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 11:38

DowntonFlabbie · 11/12/2024 11:33

Look, you were rude holding people up, causing a queue, and faffing for your own comfort.
She was rude commenting on your faffing.

Just cancel each other out and get on with your day. Why such fuss and angst?

I guess I wouldn’t have thought it was rude to do what I did. I have never thought people were being rude when I’ve had to wait for them. I’ve just accepted the minor inconvenience. So this thread has been something of an eye opener.

I wouldn’t really describe it as “faffing for my comfort” but rather 30 seconds of trying to minimise the pain to manageable levels.

OP posts:

DowntonFlabbie · 11/12/2024 11:33

Look, you were rude holding people up, causing a queue, and faffing for your own comfort.
She was rude commenting on your faffing.

Just cancel each other out and get on with your day. Why such fuss and angst?

whatnow5 · 11/12/2024 11:33

toucheee · 11/12/2024 11:31

Have you never been taught that not all disabilities are visible.

The onus is on YOU to not say anything, not on OP to explain her private illnesses to YOU.

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Would you ever give it a rest?

You can’t expect to be treated in a way to accommodate your health condition if no one knows you have one.

Ps the OP has never said she considers herself to be/identifies as disabled, you’re projecting that on to her.

toucheee · 11/12/2024 11:31

whatnow5 · 11/12/2024 11:23

Ps OP these are the kind of comments upthread I’m referring to - where you are being purposely obtuse. You can’t expect people to guess you have arthritis and align with your expectations without communicating with them.

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Have you never been taught that not all disabilities are visible.

The onus is on YOU to not say anything, not on OP to explain her private illnesses to YOU.

Original poster

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 11:30

owlexpress · 11/12/2024 11:26

Is anyone 'comfortable' on a commuter train..? I've never seen someone use the overhead rack on a rush hour train; it's get on, sit down, take your coat off and lean on it if needed. I also think it depends how this was done. If OP had done the British thing of 'oop sorry, excuse me, won't be a minute' it would have been annoying but people tend to tolerate it. It does sound like she took her sweet time oblivious to everyone around her. Disability or not, that is rude. The other woman was rude too, of course.

When I got on, there was no-one behind me, so I didn’t know a small queue would build up

It's a commuter train... they are never, ever quiet, there will always be other people getting on.

It’s a long distance train going over 200 miles and is rarely busy enough to be full. I had walked the full length of the train (9 coaches) and there weren’t actually that many people around. The carriage had loads of empty seats.

The overhead racks are used a lot. Mostly for bags but I’m definitely not the only one who puts their coat up there too.

OP posts:

owlexpress · 11/12/2024 11:26

Is anyone 'comfortable' on a commuter train..? I've never seen someone use the overhead rack on a rush hour train; it's get on, sit down, take your coat off and lean on it if needed. I also think it depends how this was done. If OP had done the British thing of 'oop sorry, excuse me, won't be a minute' it would have been annoying but people tend to tolerate it. It does sound like she took her sweet time oblivious to everyone around her. Disability or not, that is rude. The other woman was rude too, of course.

When I got on, there was no-one behind me, so I didn’t know a small queue would build up

It's a commuter train... they are never, ever quiet, there will always be other people getting on.

Original poster

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 11:24

whatnow5 · 11/12/2024 11:23

Ps OP these are the kind of comments upthread I’m referring to - where you are being purposely obtuse. You can’t expect people to guess you have arthritis and align with your expectations without communicating with them.

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But I’m meant to guess people might be in pain waiting for 30 seconds so that they can’t wait that amount of time for me to sit down?

OP posts:

whatnow5 · 11/12/2024 11:23

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 10:32

Ok so they shouldn’t have to wait 30 seconds but I should have to sit in pain for over an hour? Got it.

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Ps OP these are the kind of comments upthread I’m referring to - where you are being purposely obtuse. You can’t expect people to guess you have arthritis and align with your expectations without communicating with them.

whatnow5 · 11/12/2024 11:19

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 11:17

I could have done any of those things but they would all have involved asking the lady to move again a few minutes later, which I’m sure she would have been less than pleased about. When I got on, there was no-one behind me, so I didn’t know a small queue would build up. I probably would have held them up even more by attempting to reverse out once they appeared.

I said I could have stood up if necessary or sat in another seat if none was available but both options would have been more painful for me.

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Neither of you were in the right - you shouldn’t have held people up, and she shouldn’t have given off to you about it. But these things happen. I wouldn’t dwell on it. Maybe get a badge for next time to avoid future incidents if what the other woman said has bothered you.

toucheee · 11/12/2024 11:19

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 11:17

I could have done any of those things but they would all have involved asking the lady to move again a few minutes later, which I’m sure she would have been less than pleased about. When I got on, there was no-one behind me, so I didn’t know a small queue would build up. I probably would have held them up even more by attempting to reverse out once they appeared.

I said I could have stood up if necessary or sat in another seat if none was available but both options would have been more painful for me.

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No, OP, you were fine, you did nothing wrong.

toucheee · 11/12/2024 11:18

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/12/2024 11:15

Won’t get far? What are you going to do? Assault them? Expect to be arrested if so. If not, they’ll get just as “far” as you do.

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You're letting your imagination run away with you.

Original poster

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 11:17

whatnow5 · 11/12/2024 11:00

Have one with yourself instead of projecting like mad about your disabled mum - nobody knew the OP was disabled!

Shes also dismissed all sensible suggestions to hold onto her stuff for another minute/set it on the floor for a minute/put it on the seat while standing for a minute/as she wanted to avoid feeling uncomfortable for a short time it would take to let people pass, yet said she would choose to be uncomfortable for the journey standing or sitting in another seat instead! It’s a lost cause, hence I said don’t bother going on about it again, as she obviously doesn’t want to take any suggestions on board.

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I could have done any of those things but they would all have involved asking the lady to move again a few minutes later, which I’m sure she would have been less than pleased about. When I got on, there was no-one behind me, so I didn’t know a small queue would build up. I probably would have held them up even more by attempting to reverse out once they appeared.

I said I could have stood up if necessary or sat in another seat if none was available but both options would have been more painful for me.

OP posts:

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/12/2024 11:15

toucheee · 11/12/2024 11:09

They can try giving one back but won’t get far. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t mess with a woman protecting her disabled mum.

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Won’t get far? What are you going to do? Assault them? Expect to be arrested if so. If not, they’ll get just as “far” as you do.

toucheee · 11/12/2024 11:09

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/12/2024 10:41

If you took that attitude to my disabled mum on a train you would soon be set right.

This is the second time you’ve referenced giving people a gobful. I’m curious why you don’t think you’d get one back?

They can try giving one back but won’t get far. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t mess with a woman protecting her disabled mum.

HarrietHedgehog · 11/12/2024 11:07

The woman was rude but I expect that was because she didn’t want anyone to sit next to her at all. I’ve noticed that a lot of female passengers select the aisle seat of a pair of seats for this very reason.
She’s not to know that you have a severe form of arthritis which requires you to select a very particular seat. She probably thought you were being perverse to ignore all the other vacant ones.