Page 4 | Impatient train woman

Bigtom · 2024-12-10T17:36:17+00:00

I regularly commute on a train for around an hour each way. There are no reserved seats. I have a type of arthritis that makes sitting (or standing!) quite uncomfortable so I try to get one of the limited seats with extra leg room. I walked the length of the train to find one today and the only one was a window seat with someone already sitting in the aisle. I duly asked the lady in the aisle if it was free and she said yes and stood up. I then took off my coat and got my coffee cup out of my bag and put my bag and coat in the overhead rack. While I did this a bit of a queue of people built up. When I sat down, the lady muttered “take your time why don’t you”. AIBU to think she was very rude and should sit on the window seat if she doesn’t want to move? When I said that, she responded that I was keeping other people waiting!

toucheee · 12/12/2024 10:36

TheignT · 12/12/2024 09:56

Just like you aren't owed an explanation for why someone prefers the aisle seat. The OP is being judgemental about that.

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OP didn’t say anything to the woman. But she’s right, if you don’t want to inconvenienced by someone sitting in the window seat, sit in the window seat yourself. Of course OP is going to think this after the woman has been unnecessarily rude to her.

Original poster

Bigtom · 12/12/2024 10:20

Isatis · 12/12/2024 10:18

Twisting my spine to take my coat off is very difficult in a confined space but not too bad if I have space.

On that basis, if I were you I would take my coat off before getting on the train.

Yeah probably a good idea.

OP posts:

W0tnow · 12/12/2024 10:18

TheignT · 12/12/2024 09:50

Do you really think that woman was standing for 30 seconds? You took your coat off, presumably you folded it up, you opened your bag and took you coffee out, presumably you then closed the bag before putting everything up in the rack and then you sat down. 30 seconds?

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Yes? Probably less?

Isatis · 12/12/2024 10:18

Twisting my spine to take my coat off is very difficult in a confined space but not too bad if I have space.

On that basis, if I were you I would take my coat off before getting on the train.

Original poster

Bigtom · 12/12/2024 10:18

Isatis · 12/12/2024 10:12

How was getting your coffee out and putting your coat and bag on the shelf minimising your pain?

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I’ve already explained that it is painful for me to sit in one position. I therefore need to be able to wriggle around. I can’t easily do that with my bag and coat on my lap or by my feet. I admit I don’t strictly need my coffee but it took no more than a second to get that out of the side pocket of my bag.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bigtom · 12/12/2024 10:16

TheignT · 12/12/2024 09:48

She's said she can walk the length of the train with no problems so taking her coat off is hardly a massive issue. If she took her coat off as the train came in she wouldn't have kept people waiting. Just have a bit of consideration for other people, I find people with a disability can become very selfish and I make a big effort to not be one of them. Maybe the OP could show a bit of empathy to others and accept if she inconveniences others they might feel like saying so.

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My arthritis is in my spine, so walking is mostly not a problem. Twisting my spine to take my coat off is very difficult in a confined space but not too bad if I have space. Sitting (or standing or lying!) in one position becomes painful quite quickly. You’re making some unjustified assumptions about what I can and can’t do.

I’m still not convinced that I’m being hugely selfish by expecting someone to wait for 30 seconds without getting impatient and being rude but I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on that one.

OP posts:

Isatis · 12/12/2024 10:12

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 11:38

I guess I wouldn’t have thought it was rude to do what I did. I have never thought people were being rude when I’ve had to wait for them. I’ve just accepted the minor inconvenience. So this thread has been something of an eye opener.

I wouldn’t really describe it as “faffing for my comfort” but rather 30 seconds of trying to minimise the pain to manageable levels.

Edited

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How was getting your coffee out and putting your coat and bag on the shelf minimising your pain?

Original poster

Bigtom · 12/12/2024 10:09

Isatis · 12/12/2024 10:07

How big is your bag? Why do you need one so big that it would have that effect?

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It’s a rucksack with stuff I need for work in it e.g. my laptop. There is no room under the seat for it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bigtom · 12/12/2024 10:07

TheignT · 12/12/2024 09:50

Do you really think that woman was standing for 30 seconds? You took your coat off, presumably you folded it up, you opened your bag and took you coffee out, presumably you then closed the bag before putting everything up in the rack and then you sat down. 30 seconds?

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The coffee cup was in a side pocket so it literally took a second to remove it and there was no need to open or close the bag.

OP posts:

Isatis · 12/12/2024 10:07

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 10:27

You can’t fit a bag under the seat on my train, it would have had to go down by my feet, which would negate the whole point of choosing a seat with extra leg room.

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How big is your bag? Why do you need one so big that it would have that effect?

TheignT · 12/12/2024 10:00

toucheee · 12/12/2024 09:52

All of this is perfectly normal behaviour seen up and down the country every day.

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It really isn't on the trains I use, 4 journeys a week. Most people sit down, let every one else get to their seats and then if they want to start going through their bag or take coats off they do it then or they get on prepared to just sit down. It is also normal to apologise if for some reason you leave someone standing with a queue forming.

TheignT · 12/12/2024 09:57

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 13:30

That’s fine and I don’t have an issue with that. I just object to being spoken to rudely when her decision meant she then had to stand up to let me in.

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She wasn't rude about standing up was she? Her comment was about how long she had to stand while you messed about rather than sitting down in the seat you'd asked for.

TheignT · 12/12/2024 09:56

toucheee · 11/12/2024 12:37

An empty seat is an empty, you are not owed an explanation for why someone wants to sit there.

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Just like you aren't owed an explanation for why someone prefers the aisle seat. The OP is being judgemental about that.

toucheee · 12/12/2024 09:52

TheignT · 12/12/2024 09:50

Do you really think that woman was standing for 30 seconds? You took your coat off, presumably you folded it up, you opened your bag and took you coffee out, presumably you then closed the bag before putting everything up in the rack and then you sat down. 30 seconds?

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All of this is perfectly normal behaviour seen up and down the country every day.

toucheee · 12/12/2024 09:51

TheignT · 12/12/2024 09:48

She's said she can walk the length of the train with no problems so taking her coat off is hardly a massive issue. If she took her coat off as the train came in she wouldn't have kept people waiting. Just have a bit of consideration for other people, I find people with a disability can become very selfish and I make a big effort to not be one of them. Maybe the OP could show a bit of empathy to others and accept if she inconveniences others they might feel like saying so.

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Disabilities affect people differently. For some repeatedly having to get up and sit down is really difficult. Plus there is the embarrassment at having to ask someone to get up again.

TheignT · 12/12/2024 09:50

Bigtom · 11/12/2024 11:24

But I’m meant to guess people might be in pain waiting for 30 seconds so that they can’t wait that amount of time for me to sit down?

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Do you really think that woman was standing for 30 seconds? You took your coat off, presumably you folded it up, you opened your bag and took you coffee out, presumably you then closed the bag before putting everything up in the rack and then you sat down. 30 seconds?

TheignT · 12/12/2024 09:48

toucheee · 11/12/2024 09:15

Yes if she needs to put her coat away she needs to put it away! Why should she be uncomfortable or burdened with things because she has a disability?

She has reduced mobility she can’t keep getting up! Just because you can doesn’t mean SHE can.

Seriously learn some empathy people.

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She's said she can walk the length of the train with no problems so taking her coat off is hardly a massive issue. If she took her coat off as the train came in she wouldn't have kept people waiting. Just have a bit of consideration for other people, I find people with a disability can become very selfish and I make a big effort to not be one of them. Maybe the OP could show a bit of empathy to others and accept if she inconveniences others they might feel like saying so.

Fireworknight · 12/12/2024 09:36

Clafoutie · 12/12/2024 08:06

Exactly so.

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But we don’t know if the other lady was in pain as well…, hence her frustration at being kept waiting.

Everanewbie · 12/12/2024 09:14

This would annoy me too OP but I would self-censor enough to realise that for every “annoying faffer” unit I attributed to you, I’d have equal if not more “impatient arse” points.

OP, I know life must be a struggle at times with arthritis. Things other people take for granted might be just that little bit more difficult.

Clafoutie · 12/12/2024 08:06

toucheee · 11/12/2024 11:31

Have you never been taught that not all disabilities are visible.

The onus is on YOU to not say anything, not on OP to explain her private illnesses to YOU.

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Exactly so.

Clafoutie · 12/12/2024 08:00

Isatis · 11/12/2024 09:40

Your bag wouldn't be in the way if it was under your seat. If you had gone for that option, you could have sat down and then got your coffee out, minimising disruption quite significantly.

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I travel every day on public transport and have never yet encountered a bus or train where there is room to put a bag under a seat!

InWalksBarberalla · 12/12/2024 03:45

If you are getting someone to stand up to allow you to sit in the seat next to you surely the polite thing to do is to minimise the time they need to wait standing - so take your coat off and coffee out before you get them to stand?

Sonowimbackfromouterspace · 11/12/2024 22:45

This whole thread makes me wonder what we did before Mumsnet...more than 29 hours & 219 posts later, it's still going on. Meanwhile, the woman who said what she did to the OP probably forgot all about it two minutes after leaving the train...

JC03745 · 11/12/2024 17:48

I have arthritis in my knees OP and certain leg positions are painful- I do sympathise with this. You are more mobile than me to be able to walk the length of the train looking for a seat though! I used to wear a brace under trousers, so it wasn't obvious to others I had a disability. It sounds more like your own lack of planning with your coat/drink and not your disability that was the issue here.

I could understand if this was a 1 off train journey for you and you weren't prepared, but you do this trip twice a day on your commute!!! The woman was rude, but if I'd started causing a queue, I would have appologised and said something along the lines of 'Sorry everyone, I'm a bit slow due to arthritis/pain/disability etc'.
My suggestions:

-Take your coat off before boarding. Have your drink in your hand or ready to get it out quickly.
-Get a badge for your coat and blouse. This is the link to the tube version, but your train line might have their own version https://tfl.gov.uk/transport-accessibility/please-offer-me-a-seat
-Get a 1st class ticket if sitting in standard risks there only being seats left which will cause you pain

W0tnow · 11/12/2024 14:34

Mnetcurious · 10/12/2024 21:07

Held up trying to walk down the aisle to get to a free seat before someone else takes it.

Chances are the train was still in the station and not moving yet although that’s actually irrelevant to whether someone is held up in the aisle.

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Well yes but it seems an odd thing for the seated passenger to get het up about.