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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Impatient train woman

317 replies

Bigtom · 10/12/2024 17:36

I regularly commute on a train for around an hour each way. There are no reserved seats. I have a type of arthritis that makes sitting (or standing!) quite uncomfortable so I try to get one of the limited seats with extra leg room.

I walked the length of the train to find one today and the only one was a window seat with someone already sitting in the aisle. I duly asked the lady in the aisle if it was free and she said yes and stood up. I then took off my coat and got my coffee cup out of my bag and put my bag and coat in the overhead rack. While I did this a bit of a queue of people built up.

When I sat down, the lady muttered “take your time why don’t you”. AIBU to think she was very rude and should sit on the window seat if she doesn’t want to move? When I said that, she responded that I was keeping other people waiting!

OP posts:
NewName24 · 10/12/2024 19:43

Seems like this is another poster who would like there to be a topic for "AIBU - only post on my thread if you are going to say no".

Original poster
Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:41

Barrenfieldoffucks · 10/12/2024 19:38

I'd just be better prepared tbh, take coat off and cup out beforehand

It would be a bit of a juggling act but perhaps I could try and sort that out in the foyer next time.

OP posts:
MuddyPawsIndoors · 10/12/2024 19:40

Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:38

I meant obvious to the people who are posting on this thread.

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I just wondered how most people would react. I think it’s a bit sad most people seem so impatient and intolerant of someone clearly struggling and in pain, but perhaps I should have expected that.

I thought you meant the people on the train (sorry).

The people on this thread are just telling you how they would've reacted on the train I think?

And they would've been none the wiser just like aisle woman.

Original poster
Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:40

TheignT · 10/12/2024 19:39

So it wasn't obvious that you were sturggling and in pain but at the same time
"impatient and intolerant of someone clearly struggling and in pain" I can't work out of you if it was clearly or obvious that you were in pain or not? Very confusing.

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I’m talking about the people posting on this thread who do know I was in pain and struggling and still think I should have been quicker.

OP posts:
TheignT · 10/12/2024 19:39

Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:30

No, it probably wasn’t obvious to aisle lady to be fair. Not sure how it would be unless I was sobbing in pain or something?

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So it wasn't obvious that you were sturggling and in pain but at the same time
"impatient and intolerant of someone clearly struggling and in pain" I can't work out of you if it was clearly or obvious that you were in pain or not? Very confusing.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 10/12/2024 19:38

I'd just be better prepared tbh, take coat off and cup out beforehand

Original poster
Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:38

MuddyPawsIndoors · 10/12/2024 19:37

I don't know either but you were the one who said it was obvious?

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I meant obvious to the people who are posting on this thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:38

IDontHateRainbows · 10/12/2024 19:33

Did you have to sit down in your actual seat whilst waiting for scrum to clear? There could have been more accessible free seats to perch in just to let people through before you settled in properly.

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Yes perhaps I could have asked the lady to save the seat for me, stood in the foyer and then come back to it. I’ll probably do that next time.

OP posts:
MuddyPawsIndoors · 10/12/2024 19:37

Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:30

No, it probably wasn’t obvious to aisle lady to be fair. Not sure how it would be unless I was sobbing in pain or something?

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I don't know either but you were the one who said it was obvious?

betterangels · 10/12/2024 19:34

InWalksBarberalla · 10/12/2024 19:32

Why are you assuming you were the only person struggling and in pain?

Thank you. She might have been.

Original poster
Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:34

InWalksBarberalla · 10/12/2024 19:32

Why are you assuming you were the only person struggling and in pain?

I’m not, why do you think I am?

OP posts:
betterangels · 10/12/2024 19:34

She politely stood up for you and you faffed.

Agree. This would have annoyed me. Duck in until queue is gone. I can't stand for long and would have been in pain if someone had done what you did.

IDontHateRainbows · 10/12/2024 19:33

Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:12

But then I would have had to ask aisle lady to move again, as explained above. I would have done what you suggest if I’d had the aisle seat, of course.

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Did you have to sit down in your actual seat whilst waiting for scrum to clear? There could have been more accessible free seats to perch in just to let people through before you settled in properly.

InWalksBarberalla · 10/12/2024 19:32

Why are you assuming you were the only person struggling and in pain?

Original poster
Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:30

MuddyPawsIndoors · 10/12/2024 19:28

Were you clearly struggling and clearly in pain?

You didn't mention this before but since you have now, then YANBU obviously.

If the woman knew this then she shouldn't have said anything about the hold up.

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No, it probably wasn’t obvious to aisle lady to be fair. Not sure how it would be unless I was sobbing in pain or something?

OP posts:
MuddyPawsIndoors · 10/12/2024 19:28

Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:18

I just wondered how most people would react. I think it’s a bit sad most people seem so impatient and intolerant of someone clearly struggling and in pain, but perhaps I should have expected that.

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Were you clearly struggling and clearly in pain?

You didn't mention this before but since you have now, then YANBU obviously.

If the woman knew this then she shouldn't have said anything about the hold up.

Original poster
Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:27

FloordrobeIsGoingToGetME · 10/12/2024 19:25

To be fair, OP, absolutely nothing in your OP said you were clearly struggling and in pain.

It’s literally in the first paragraph of my OP.

OP posts:
YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/12/2024 19:26

Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:24

It was the only seat with extra leg room, so it may have got taken if I’d done that.

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By one of the two or three people behind you? Seems unlikely if there’s multiple extra seats available and surely even if that did happen you’d say “would you mind swapping seats with me as I have arthritis and need extra leg room”. It seems like you’re being deliberately difficult to be honest.

RosieLeaf · 10/12/2024 19:26

The faffing has nothing to do with your disability. The people you made wait may also have had disabilities.

FloordrobeIsGoingToGetME · 10/12/2024 19:25

To be fair, OP, absolutely nothing in your OP said you were clearly struggling and in pain.

Toopulululu · 10/12/2024 19:25

Maybe she’s neurodiverse or has a lot going in her personal life? #bekind

Original poster
Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:24

YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/12/2024 19:23

Ok well if it wasn’t busy and there was no risk of you losing your seat, why could you not have let the people in the queue past first, returned to the spot, sorted out your belongings and then said to the lady “excuse me can I get in there please”. That way nobody is disrupted and everyone gets what they want.

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It was the only seat with extra leg room, so it may have got taken if I’d done that.

OP posts:
TheignT · 10/12/2024 19:23

Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:22

2 or 3 people as I’ve already said.

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So they were kept standing while you faffed about.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/12/2024 19:23

Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:21

Nope it was last carriage so the door at the far end doesn’t open. There were loads of seats available anyway.

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Ok well if it wasn’t busy and there was no risk of you losing your seat, why could you not have let the people in the queue past first, returned to the spot, sorted out your belongings and then said to the lady “excuse me can I get in there please”. That way nobody is disrupted and everyone gets what they want.

TheignT · 10/12/2024 19:23

Bigtom · 10/12/2024 19:18

I just wondered how most people would react. I think it’s a bit sad most people seem so impatient and intolerant of someone clearly struggling and in pain, but perhaps I should have expected that.

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You aren't the only person with arthritis or a painful condition. You have no idea about the people who were trying to get to seats when you were sorting yourself out, you have no idea of the pain the woman next to you was in. If you get someone to move it is on you to take the seat and let them sit back down. I think you were being thoughtless at best selfish at worst.

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