Just turned 39 and suddenly want a third baby

It’s always good to get different perspectives, even on life changing decisions. Sometimes it’s even better to ask strangers than people who are in some way invested or not objective.

My hormones and heart both scream ‘YOU’LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN’, but I’m 43.

I have 2 and now surprise pregnant with third and delighted (after panic and shock!) I think it feels right and I know I will be ‘done’ when baby is here.

as someone has mentioned I’m going to send DH for the snip as we are both mid 30s and I do predict my body trying to convince me to have another later!!!

This.

Not for me as I had three by early 30s but I know many 39 year old mothers who appeared very happy - whether they were having their first or their 6th even when those babies were teens many still seemed happy.

Is you age an issue for you and your DP/DH and do you really want a third child?

I think it depends on so many factors. I always wanted three, planned my future around three etc. I have two, and I'm 33 and could have a third logistically but I have ultimately decided against it. My youngest is autistic, and although he will be able to live independently and is doing well in school etc, he is behind his peers and I spend a lot of time helping him to catch up which then gives me guilt about not spending enough time with my eldest, so I make that time up - and then if I brought a baby into the mix, they both lose out on my time and attention when I struggle to distribute it evenly. The other reasons sound really silly, but we work hard to be able to afford to take them away yearly and most holidays we seem to come across are catered to a family of 4, and I wouldn't want to give that up for me or for them. The biggest reason, is that due to my son's autism I worry that if my next child had higher needs than my son that we would all struggle and my mental health can be quite severe also.

These are just my personal situations and reasons and of course everyone on the thread will differ, I just wanted to share Incase any of this information helped you at all. X

Do people really make huge life changing decisions based on what anonymous people on the internet think?

I've been through this at a younger age of 36/37. My twins were coming out of the baby stages and I guess I felt like I was losing part of my identity. I've been backwards and forwards with this decision for a while and recently lost all interest in having another.

I saw outnumbered (the tv program) was having a revival and looking at the teenagers - I just thought, eventually they're all going to leave anyway and have their own families. It made me question my identity and all the other things I had in my life.

Kids are for giving. There are no guarantees as you probably know already.

Best answer @Floatlikeafeather2

You won't get a definitive answer here. People who have done it are not going to admit to you that they made a horrible mistake; people who didn't do it will never admit to you that they now feel bereft and disappointed with their lot. Unhelpful I know, but only you can know if you really really want another child or whether the risks to your personal status quo are too great.

I had my second at 37 and my third DC at 42. All wonderful, having three is lovely. My older ones are now in the teenage years, we're all good and feel immensely blessed with the lot of them.

I had the same feelings at that age and it was overwhelming. A couple years later and I am really glad I didn’t have a third and fully content with my two. As they get older, the dynamics change and it’s nice to have some of that freedom back again.

I had this urge, lasted for a few months and then peri menopause landed with a bang. I assume it's some evolutionary quirk to be honest.

We have four children, my DP has had a vasectomy as we're both adamant we didn't want any more. Yet every time I saw a newborn those pangs came for months. Logically speaking I couldn't have thought of anything worse than another baby and DEFINITELY don't want another. Glad that phase is over 🤣

Another point - I had DD later in life and, while all of my peers are retired, I am still working in order to financially support her higher education and be able to be guarantor for rented student accommodation. Her course is not compatible with working as she will be having placements as well as studying.

Only do this if you have a lot of money, a lot of help and a rock solid marriage.

I had my 4th and last at 39.
She is now 15 and I am 54 and not exactly hobbling round on a Zimmer frame FFS!
I have never for one moment regretted having her.

All of this ^^ plus GCSEs x 3, A levels x 3 (if you are in England or Wales), supporting (financially) through university x 3.

You are currenty in the middle of the easiest stage of bringing up children. Never underestimate how hard it is to emotionally support even the easiest teenager. A hug and a kiss won't make the soured friendship or bully go away or make exams any easier.

And never underestimate how expensive teenagers are. Apart from clothes and food they will each want a mobile and need a laptop or similar device for homework.

Even easy teenagers cost a lot financially and emotionally.

Or if they have high needs?

It’s definitely your hormones, and they can be pretty convincing. I had the same at your age, decided not to act on it and by 41 the urge completely disappeared and I am sooo happy I never went along with it. I feel like I brained washed myself for a couple of years and then I snapped out of it just like that. Weird!

We had another baby when I was 39. It took a few years of trying, I had two miscarriages but then we had a successful pregnancy. If you’re able to afford it and you don’t have any health issues which could be exacerbated by pregnancy then I would say why not? I knew I would have regretted not trying. Our baby is doted on by their older siblings. We seem calmer as parents this time round!

Wishing you well x

I felt like this but didn't and I'm now glad I didn't. But many people will have gone the other way with no regrets. It's up to you!

My 3rd was horrendous with silent reflux and zero support from the medics etc. it was utterly grim and we both still feel traumatised by it 20 years on.

Now my 4th was a dream on the other hand.

I still had the desperate urge for more in my late 30s and early 40s, I had been sterilised so couldn't act on it. For some women that urge is very strong and can last way into your late 40s. Now in my 50s I'd love a baby and under say 8 year old. The teen years is what I couldn't do again probably because my struggled and you can't reassure them and kiss it better as they get older.

To me it's not about your age or being too old it's about being realistic about the future both good and not so good a weighing up the right decision.

Friend went for a 3rd, hoping for a boy, and ended up with preemie twin boys, one of whom has learning disabilities. She has very little support so going for the “third” made her life about ten times harder 😢

Another friend had a 3rd at 40, said in retrospect it was a mistake although of course loves the child. She found it tough starting again with toddler groups and needing to make new mum friends etc. Wider family are less interested in a third, some people have found.

Depends on how much you want it obviously. If it’s quite a sudden new urge, be certain it’s not a subconscious “I’m not too old” thing…as it will just kick dealing with the aging thing a few more years down the road - the body does suddenly age a lot between 40 and 50 when we’re too busy parenting to really notice. Good luck!

Love the ones you have extra hard !
and know it will pass , you will be a better mother to the others as you get older
two is more than enough, you will have a grandchild before you know it , time wizzes by
The energy and patience and endless loving to get children through their teens and 20,s
is so much harder than the earlier years ,
save your energy for the ones you have you will need it

Our third is 9 months old now. She is the easiest baby of the lot! Sleeps through for the last 3 months which massively helps. The older two (now 8 and 6) love her and are super helpful. They also love showing her off to friends! Had her at 37 after a pretty big gap from #2- but felt that urge and so happy we went for it!

I always wonder when reading such threads what kind of lifestyle or health habits people who declare that 39 is old have? My mother is 82 and only in the last six months she’s started showing real signs of old age - various aches and pains, started losing muscle mass and doesn’t ski as fast as she used to!
She could have me in her 50s and would be able to cope with a small child.