Just turned 39 and suddenly want a third baby

I did it and I bloody love it. I will say though all the negatives do happen - less money, time energy etc. it just feels totally worth it though. We've been exceptionally lucky though in that the older two are absolutely obsessed with their younger sibling. The best part of the whole thing has been watching them become big siblings while they're old enough to know what's going on.

I'm coming 39 and have a 15, 12 and 10 year old. Every family is different of course and two of our children have additional needs (youngest hasn't be diagnosed yet) but for me the teenage years/secondary school years have been the toughest. I never stop and daily feel like I am going to burn out. I can't imagine being able to cope with my life as it is now in my 50s.

BUT I had my first at 23 and I definitely would have been more mature and stable to cope with the toddler/little kid stages in my 30s so I guess it's all swings and roundabouts. I had terrible health anxiety during my 20s and throughout all my pregnancies and I would fear that pregnancies/little children would trigger that again. I couldn't have predicted the ASD,/ADHD of course so I didn't realise how hard things would (mentally and physically) be so I'm glad I am still young while dealing with this side of parenthood.

You definitely aren't too old at 39 though and my circumstances are just completely different to yours x

I have 4, so I say why not. If you feel you want to, go for it. It is tiring, but mine are now 17, 14, 9 and 7. It's getting easier now.

Had my third at 38, with an 7 year age gap between my 2nd and 3rd. The pregnancy almost finished me off but was the best thing I did. I wanted three, but was worried I'd want another. But I was definitely done.

If you want a 3rd and can afford a 3rd then why not, go for it. Only you and your DH know if an empty seat at the dining table will haunt you in years to come If you chose not to.

Just be prepared, you could end up with 4 with twins being much more common as you get older!

Would you cope as a single parent to 3?

Hmm. It’s late 40s it changes for
women physically and emotionally. Would struggle parenting a young child’now.

I'm having a 4th at 42...i didn't think i could

I have 5 children, so I say yes, do it. I was 31, 33, 38, 40 and then 42 when I had them.... And yea, it is your body trying to have a last hurrah but why shouldn't you. Good luck x

Had my third aged 38. Older two were much older… Was not planned although I had wanted more kids but we’d agreed to stop at 2 for various reasons.

I’ll be honest OP, I love him dearly and wouldn’t change him, but it’s been harder than I imagined it would be. Probably mixed in with the dynamics of much older kids… Pregnancy was also much harder.

@Dash0Cal ☹️ hugs 💐

I felt like this and didn’t and now I regret it.

i think maybe it’s the having kids that wears people out, I had my 2 at 36 and 39 and having had few responsibilities except for working and looking after myself through my 20s I was very fit and had loads of energy. I’m sure if I’d had kids young that wouldn’t have been the case.

Yeah I think there's a lot of truth to this, I had mine in my early 20s, I am mid 30s now and fit and healthy but the thought of a newborn or toddler exhausts me now, whilst I think I'd be physically exhausted I don't think it would be due to my age but my mental exhaustion of having already been parenting for 15 years!

i think maybe it’s the having kids that wears people out, I had my 2 at 36 and 39 and having had few responsibilities except for working and looking after myself through my 20s I was very fit and had loads of energy. I’m sure if I’d had kids young that wouldn’t have been the case.

I definitely feel stronger and more energetic pregnant at 46 than with my second DC at 38. But I’m at the age when you quickly realise that you get out what you put in, I don’t think I would be able to get pregnant in the first place if I didn’t take good care of my health.

Honestly, it would. My two were also teens when I got the sudden urge to have another one and my god am I happy I didn't act on that feeling. I'm not entirely done parenting yet although they are both over 18 now but I feel so free and being able to just come and go, sleep early or stay up late, go to the gym when I want to or go out with friends is such a blessing after spending so many years having to compromise and put others first. I would hate going back to school drop offs/pick ups, having other peoples little kids over for playdates, watching kids films, holiday tantrums etc. A life with a toddler is completely incompatible with two teenagers, there is nothing you would all enjoy doing.

I felt like this when I was 37 and my older 2 were 7 and 5. I didn’t feel done with the baby stage and I realised that it was the thought of pregnancy rather than anything child related that put me off (I don’t have nice pregnancies!). So we went for it. My youngest is 5 months (had him when I was 38) and it’s great. I am always rushing but I find it easier energy wise I did in my early 30s.

I did have a second trimester pregnancy loss though in between and the trauma of that has fundamentally changed me and also my relationship with my husband. I’m always going to have a sadness that I didn’t have before. But I’m not sure there’s much point in worrying about things like that. You just have to deal with them.

Absolutely no regrets here, although I appreciate its early days. Equally, If I had stuck with 2 I would have been happy in a different way. Life is full of choices like that. There’s no one path that leads to happiness.

Everyone on here saying they have loads of energy at 39, found pregnancy a breeze, etc. Meanwhile I’m pregnant with my second at 27 and I feel like I’m marching towards the grave! 😂

I don’t think the focus should be on age, but rather your own personal energy, will and resources (including mental/emotional) to have a child. It sounds like some people hit the limit sooner than others.

Personally, I would go with your gut if I were you op.

I wonder if other mums who had children v young also have these hormonal urges. Just because I had mine in my late teens, and have teenagers, and although I was broody until they were about ten, parenting teens dampened the urge somewhat (totally , I can’t imagine how I would ever cope!)?

I felt that recently too at 38, and it was hormone related. Turns out I'm peri-menopausal. All okay and things have settled down now I've started HRT. I regained my senses.

I’m feeling that urge too. It’s like last chance saloon feeling. I have two DD’s 17&15 but have always wanted 3. Would be crazy with such a big age gap, wouldn’t it?

I felt this, I'd turned 40 by the time I fell pregnant. One more was twins! Happy and healthy and now 5 years old xx

I wish I could do 4 and 8 again. I’m in the midst of two teens and it’s so hard. Life is so pressured for them these days and it’s such a competitive world out there now. I find it much more draining and stressful than the early years of primary school.

The most annoying thing I hear from friends is having to buy a new car, paying for another bed at hotels and holidays. Many say life is set up for two kids, not three or more!

But only you know OP. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Yes do it!

I’ve got two and we are sticking at two. I look at my mum now and she basically ping-pongs back and forth between me and my brother helping us out with all sorts (we are ‘40s) - not in a mean way - she loves it- and I’m sort of glad I don’t have to share her with a further sibling 🤣

Plus when we got married she added two more honorary children to her brood, and now she has 4 grandchildren all of whom she is close to and spends loads of time with. When I think of this I’m so glad I’m replicating her dynamic of two children, as it’s what I’d love for the future. Big enough loving family but not so big that anyone gets left out or less attention.

My kids have cousins who they are close to for those times when a big gang is called for but they also get to come home and have loads of attention and quiet time.

I’m sure you could have all of this with three also, but I think two children is a lovely set up and probably easier than three, even in the very long run.