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Original poster

To be offended

95 replies

Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 11:22

I am so upset and angry , I don't understand why men think they are some kind of gods , and especially my husband doesn't think what he is . He sent me this and I'm so upset about it, do you think he meant it as a joke and I've taken it to heart?

To be offended
OP posts:
Gleeanda · 10/12/2024 13:56

Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 11:46

Confronting him won't help me now he's just gna shout and get everyone on his side by saying I'm too sensitive and I take things too literally . I want him to know I'm upset because that will make him think . If I speak to him he will just push the issue aside and get on with it . I want to ponder on it .

If he complains that you are being over-sensitive then how does it help to refuse to answer his calls? That is encouraging him to think of you as petulant and I'd have thought that would only encourage this idea that you are over-sensitive. How do you know his family are going to put your side rather than just not getting involved, or agreeing with him that you are being over-sensitive? (btw I don't think you are at all.)

I would suggest you read up on Transactional Analysis. If your background were white british I'd tell you there seems to be a lot of parent-child power dynamic here and you'd get on much better if you worked to move that more towards an adult-adult dynamic. But since I don't know much about your family and culture, I'll just say take a look and see if there's anything you can take from it.

Skyrainlight · 10/12/2024 13:23

Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 11:26

I'm not , but i have a son with a disability and I cant believe he said this

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He sounds utterly horrendous. I'm so sorry. xx

Hickory247 · 10/12/2024 13:12

Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 11:26

I'm not , but i have a son with a disability and I cant believe he said this

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That is totally out of order and I would speak to him about that in no uncertain terms. How disrespectful.

TinselTown22 · 10/12/2024 13:10

It's not a joke, a joke is a play on words with a punchline. This is tripe and offensive to anyone with a disability. He's an idiot. Hope you can find a grown up for your next relationship

HardenYourHeart · 10/12/2024 12:50

Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 11:47

Arranged marriage , joint family system, I I tell his parents they will sort him out but I need him to squirm for a bit

They may be able to sort the behavior he displays toward you and his own son, but the fact remains is that he still hold these believes, otherwise he would have never found it funny or even think of sending you something so hurtful.

I think you are now just beginning to see who he really is.

Original poster
Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 12:34

Deadringer · 10/12/2024 12:17

It's stupid, it's not funny, and it doesn't make sense. If my husband sent me that I would think he was having a stroke or something.

🤣🤣🤣😂

OP posts:
Deadringer · 10/12/2024 12:17

It's stupid, it's not funny, and it doesn't make sense. If my husband sent me that I would think he was having a stroke or something.

SabreIsMyFave · 10/12/2024 12:15

Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 11:22

I am so upset and angry , I don't understand why men think they are some kind of gods , and especially my husband doesn't think what he is . He sent me this and I'm so upset about it, do you think he meant it as a joke and I've taken it to heart?

Very rude and offensive.

And not funny.

My DH occasionally sends me 'jokes' that one of his mates has sent him, and they are sometimes a bit 'near the knuckle' and borderline offensive. He is fucking howling at these 'jokes' sometimes - and I'm like 😐

They are never funny. And sometimes rude and offensive.

It's men. (Some men!) They find offensive stuff funny. I don't.

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 10/12/2024 12:14

It's a terrible 'joke'.

On the other hand, is silent treatment appropriate? Ever?

snotathing · 10/12/2024 12:12

Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 11:29

It's making me think like is this what u think of me? That all the good women are taken and you are stuck with me ?

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Yes, that's how I'd read it too. He wants you to know he thinks he's had to 'settle' for you.

VeryCheesyChips · 10/12/2024 12:12

Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 12:08

What did they say it's been deleted lol

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Nothing about you. Just heavily insulting me for having a different viewpoint on the intention of your partners ‘joke’.

Original poster
Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 12:11

itwilltakeaslongasittakes · 10/12/2024 12:10

it just makes you want to know more doesn't it 😂

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Haha yes

OP posts:
itwilltakeaslongasittakes · 10/12/2024 12:10

Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 12:08

What did they say it's been deleted lol

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it just makes you want to know more doesn't it 😂

Original poster
Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 12:08

VeryCheesyChips · 10/12/2024 11:57

I don’t think you’re the pleasant person you think you are…

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What did they say it's been deleted lol

OP posts:
lakesiders · 10/12/2024 12:07

HollyKnight · 10/12/2024 12:04

People need to be careful when making dark jokes. They really need to know their audience. DH and I are both autistic and I have ADHD on top of it. We do make/send "inappropriate" jokes to each other and find them funny because we are secure and comfortable in ourselves and our relationship. If we weren't, it would feel personal or an attack for sure.

I can only assume your DH is not fully aware of your feelings about your relationship and him. I don't know why you think he is making a dig at you though when you aren't even disabled. Isn't it more likely that he just shared a dark joke with you but misjudged his audience?

This. I thought it was funny and I'm completely disabled. Probably have a low bar though. As it's no where near as offensive as most things we send each other. I also can't type what we called our latest Christmas gonks 😂

HollyKnight · 10/12/2024 12:04

People need to be careful when making dark jokes. They really need to know their audience. DH and I are both autistic and I have ADHD on top of it. We do make/send "inappropriate" jokes to each other and find them funny because we are secure and comfortable in ourselves and our relationship. If we weren't, it would feel personal or an attack for sure.

I can only assume your DH is not fully aware of your feelings about your relationship and him. I don't know why you think he is making a dig at you though when you aren't even disabled. Isn't it more likely that he just shared a dark joke with you but misjudged his audience?

itwilltakeaslongasittakes · 10/12/2024 12:01

Could he mean you're "one of the good ones"?, or more like, he didn't think, just thought it was funny, and sent it to you to "appreciate". No actual further thought was involved. I think alot of men are the latter... they. just. don't. think.

Women, in contrast, have very much more complicated thoughts.

It is of course a tasteless joke. not sure i'll go much more than ugh, that's wrong. but that's why people think it's funny - because it's wrong. I think if you're v offended it's more to do with the relationship in general, not just this.

VeryCheesyChips · 10/12/2024 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I don’t think you’re the pleasant person you think you are…

BeMintBee · 10/12/2024 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DowntonFlabbie · 10/12/2024 11:55

livingafulllife · 10/12/2024 11:52

It wouldn't bother me.
But then i dont get offended with everything.

Most of us don't get offended by everything. Many of us hardly ever feel offended.

If you don't think this joke is offensive though, there's something wrong with you.

Original poster
Accbabymom1994 · 10/12/2024 11:54

livingafulllife · 10/12/2024 11:52

It wouldn't bother me.
But then i dont get offended with everything.

I wish I was like that

OP posts:
DowntonFlabbie · 10/12/2024 11:53

VeryCheesyChips · 10/12/2024 11:36

No. And I’ve made it clear I wouldn’t be happy about it. What is disproportionate is OP seemingly thinking this is her partner saying she isn’t good enough. I don’t think it means that at all. I would be talking to him about what he seems to think is ‘funny’.

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People find things funny when they relate to it. They share things with people they relate to. It's not really a stretch.

livingafulllife · 10/12/2024 11:52

It wouldn't bother me.
But then i dont get offended with everything.

Moier · 10/12/2024 11:51

I am deeply offended.. I'm severely disabled... am l not good at all?
It's disgusting.. ( also from experience it's harder trying to find a disabled spot).
What an horrible horrible species of a man.

VeryCheesyChips · 10/12/2024 11:50

BeMintBee · 10/12/2024 11:47

Erm yes I do that’s exactly what I think. I think we see time and time again on the relationship boards women who are put down and critised by their husbands who are then told “it’s a joke you’re too sensitive”

You have a low bar on how to treat people if you think a shit joke like this is not unkind. I can’t imagine sending this to anyone I thought highly of.

Edited
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But that’s illogical as even following the ‘logic’ of the ‘joke’ OP isn’t disabled.

Can you refresh my memory where I said this was kind?

As I’ve said, extremely clearly for those with comprehension skills, I wouldn’t be happy receiving this. I would be talking to my partner about why they thought it was acceptable. I don’t understand why you’ve took such umbrage by me pointing out that I don’t think this is aimed at telling OP that she isn’t good enough?