My DH and I never set up a joint account. Not a conscious choice, just never got round to it. We each hold some savings in our accounts and since getting married this has always been seen as “our” money, we’ve never done the separate finances thing. We’re meant to be saving for our future atm. Been married 10 years.
Turns out though he has spent a chunk of our savings in a very short amount of time. About £12k in 6 months. This is on top of wages that cover all the outgoings. There’s been no holidays/house Reno etc that would explain this.
As it’s not a joint account, I asked to see the statements to see where this money has gone. We have young children (2 under 5) and I want to be sure if it’s gambling/another addiction, shopping sprees, another woman, or whatever else it could be. He “can’t” answer questions on where it’s gone.
But it’s been months of asking and I’ve not seen them. I can’t access them myself because it’s not a joint account. What do I do? He keeps saying he’ll share them and he just needs time to run through them himself first (“so he can answer questions I have”) but it’s been more than 6 months and nothing. I have to LTB don’t I? There’s been so much gaslighting at this point I need reassurance I’m not being over the top? I can’t believe I have to ask but my head is a mess.
YABU - I’m being over the top, it’s not an urgent issue
YANBU - he needs to show me what’s in there now or I should walk