Party - are people just rude now

I can totally sympathise. I’m a people pleaser and it’s SO hard to break out of… isn’t it ?

Are you one of these people who would not bother to turn up and not bother to explain why?

It’s not great but hardly horrible behaviour as others have suggested. Thoughtless maybe.

Don’t host these massive parties if they stress you out so much.

Yep- had a party last month.
At least 15 people cancelled or didn't show. Flakey.
It didn't look too bad in the venue- but it had put me in a funny mood when I was sitting be celebrating, and enjoying the people that had come.

It’s not great but to be expected when hosting. If you want contributions tell people, if kids are playing up I’d be understanding.
People are so quick to turn on their friends these days.

But that does not excuse the rudeness of a lack of message to pull out last minute.

I think this is the norm now. It's very rude.

I agree, OP, but I also note you say you're a people.pleaser? This rarely serves anyone well!

Tbh, I'd struggle to think of 30 people I'd like or be comfortable enough with to want to host (especially with a large number of childen in the mix). They've regarded you as hosting one of their optional social engagements this Christmas and not considered the time, money or effort you've put into it.

In future, I'd stick to inviting people who are actual friends and don't just fall under the umbrella of people you know. Even if you know them quire well.

It seems to be the same with children's parties. My friends young son invited the entire class. My son was the only one that turned up. Not only rude but cruel

So sorry that your "friends" have behaved so appallingly.

I had similar when my BF of years didn't turn up to a significant birthday party. Didn't send apologies and didn't really have an excuse. I'd been turning a blind eye to some of her behaviour fit a while and cut her off after the no show. It was hard at the time but I'm so glad I did. I have friends now who appreciate me and turn up for things and weirdly she has no-one. I can only assume that she's carried on treating people like this and they've all realised that they are better off without her in their lives.

I hope you don't spend too much time worrying about this OP but instead focus on who actually appreciates you

... didn't even message just said to a fellow attendee - can you let them know kids playing up so we aren't coming)

Totally unacceptable. At the very least message with sincere apologies. Preferably one parent still attends while the other looks after the unruly kids.

2 others turned up completely empty handed

Very bad form.

We didn't ask you to come as we knew you'd be busy arranging this......

These people are not your friends!

Agree with this one hundred percent.

No excuses am with you fellow party hoster. I would have to be literally in bed with raging covid or have a leg hanging off to not turn up to a hosted private party I’d committed to. Also had quite a few not turn up to a significant birthday and yes it has coloured how I feel about them going forward. Flakers beware - is hosts do notice we do resent it and we do kind of hate you for it.

Absolutely dreadful behaviour. Some people are takers and users and selfish flakes. I hear you on the people pleasing, it's a hard thing to shake off but stuff like this makes it a lot easier to be very clear about your own priorities, and to let go of doing things because you feel you 'should'

This is really awful. The fact they didn’t invite you on the night out is really hurtful. Someone on here will always use neurodiversity as an excuse when it isn’t. I have a disabled child, it’s not an excuse for being a shitty person, you can still be polite and apologise for not coming. Honestly I wouldn’t be bothering with them again.

They didn’t invite you out and then asked for leftovers????

It’s not you, it’s them. Ghastly people.

I understand why you are upset and think it’s rude. I agree. There is no excuse for not sending a text message with an apology. Last minute no show is really unacceptable unless an emergency.

Now you know who not to invite to your next party. Bloody hell they are takers not inviting you because you were prepping for them for the next day.

And that's nice if you to be understanding but even in that scenario, assuming there are two parents, one could have stayed with the child and one come along. I had a small party once when I was moving away and half of the 8 I'd invited didn't come. Not it was I inconvenienced but I was really hurt. I think a lot of people just don't properly consider the impact of their not attending.

The lack of invitation for their night out would be the nail in the coffin for me.
I wouldn’t bother with a big drama, but would disengage and phase these so called friends out. They’ve not behaved in a nice way at all. Better off not having people like that in your life.

People are very rude.
I had a significant birthday, and a significant loss this year. I had a party, and over half didn't show. I felt very embarrassed, spent ages organising, food prep etc. I've cut them all out of my life and feel much better for it.

Sorry, how foul are your friends? I mean, really, they all went out but didn’t invite you because you would be busy prepping for the party? None of them thought that maybe they could offer to help, then?

I’d not host for these people again and disengage hereafter. Appreciate you may be connected by kids (NCT/school?) but my experience (not dissimilar) has taught me that once your kids grow up, you have less and less in common outside postcode/children same age and you drift apart anyway. You sound like a lovely person - go meet some new people doing things you really enjoy so that you can make real connections.