Party - are people just rude now

I note you say "cleaned" , so I'm assuming you are not doing that yourself to have it always "guest-ready". Personally I couldn't live in a house where you can't even put anything down. One of my DC had a friend who's mum was like that. I was picking up my DC one afternoon after a visit and she yelled at her son for leaving drops of water on the sink draining board after he had washed his glass. Nope. Can't be dealing. If I had the money for a magic fairy to come in every day and have my house like a show home I still don't think I'd do it. I like comfy and lived in.
Then , of course, you have the 2 hour runaround like a mad thing before the guests arrivve but that's half the fun. "Kids, set the table and vacuum, I'm off to check the bathroom is spotless, Dh do the bloody dishwasher now not in an hour!"

That's horrible!

organise gorgeous fun events and trips in 2025 with the nice families and leave the others out. It’s easier in smaller groups anyway. The scavenging for left overs and organising a rival event ones can get to fuck!

Aw that’s good- they are your true friends. It’s hard when you’re in a big group, but focus your time and energy now onto the two lovely couples that helped, and get some nice events need with them in 2025, and give less energy to the rubbish ones!
Hope you have a lovely Christmas 🎄

@allthatfalafel

yeah I must have an unclean house cos I always clean and tidy ahead of guests coming 🤨

Aw OP how rubbish for you, but these people certainly aren’t friends. This is not normal behaviour.
The fact a load of them went out the night before and didn’t invite you is so hurtful.
Then their behaviour actually at your dinner party is horrid, I could not imagine turning up to something like that without at the very least bringing a bottle of wine! To turn up empty handed as well and be so cheeky as to ask for leftovers! And then the no shows… I have no words!
I host a similar event the first weekend of every December for around 16. Everyone brings a dish, everyone helps tidy up and everyone wraps leftovers and puts it in my fridge at the end of the night, reminding me that it’s the hosts privilege to enjoy all the food the next day!

Ugh... Edit button not working, obviously I meant 'Unkind isn't something you don't want from a friend.'

There's rude - the flaking, not showing up, asking to take leftovers home (😱).
And there's unkind - admitting they had too much fun at the thing they chose to not invite you to to bother turning up at yours. I'm so sorry OP that's just so awful! That would have really hurt my feelings.
Rude can sometimes be forgivable, if you get enough out of the friendship to make it worthwhile for you.
Unkind isn't something you don't want from a friend. And if you take it once they'll dish it out again. Nah, you deserve better OP! 💐

BlastedPimples I am sure she was, but what could I do? Carry on inviting her and leaving my DC disappointed? It was always for stuff like not doing her homework as well. I know that's not great, but not 'let's let down your friends and punish them as well' not great.

Poor Mary. Bet she was always gutted not to be coming over.

Awful.

Please don't invite those people again.

The 'kids playing up' excuse hits a nerve with me.

When they were 12 my DC had a friend, named Mary, and we would invite Mary over for the afternoon or a sleepover. We would get crafts and other things to do ready, the DC would come shopping with me and we would buy ingredients so they and Mary could make a cake or some ice cream. They would be really excited. Then half an hour before Mary came over we would get the phone call of doom. Mary had either not tidied her room, or not finished her homework, or done some other infraction and her mother decided her punishment was not coming over to ours.

It happened several times and I realised Mary's mother was just using us as a punishment device. It got so bad that the last time I was going to invite Mary, DD said 'Why bother. She won't come anyway', so we didn't. And that was the last time we bothered with Mary.

Incidentally Mary's mother never invited my DC over to their house.

Very uncool behaviour on their part. And asking for leftovers when you’ve been a terrible guest seems extra cheeky!

Sorry that happened OP, it must have left you feeling a bit deflated :(

Nah. It's rude

I do hate when people cancel because they do something the night before that tires them out/uses up all their money. Especially if you know someone is catering. Yes, that's pretty rude.

OP, just for context, I have had 13 “thanks” for this post!

Menopause unleashed my inner bitch and Covid crowned it.

"I can't be arsed" "fxxk that, not doing it" are the two expressions that go around my head most days.

I have become quite unobliging 😂....i love it.
I highly recommend.

Quite. I hope you enjoyed a lazy Sunday with enough leftovers so you didn’t have to cook. And I wouldn’t invite any of the flaky ones, no-shows or micky-takers again —though that does sound like most of them.

You sound like a lovely person, OP. Maybe these people are fun in other situations but not for inviting into your home? And maybe keep an eye open for new friends.

'Sometimes I slip and am about to put myself out and then I will whoa, slow down, is this really something YOU should be doing? Would that person dream of doing it for you? If not I say no can do or simple not offer.
It is like a muscle, give it enough exercise and it will gain muscle memory and become a habit.'

This is SO TRUE! It's a brilliant feeling and a sure sign of healing when you notice yourself edging towards the same old bad habits but you manage to gently challenge yourself and avoid plunging off the cliff

I've started only doing stuff like this externally in a restaurant or similar. If I'm organising, people have to transfer the deposit [because most decent places put a hold on your card] in advance or I confirm only those who have paid by then. The rest can take their chances and call the restaurant directly and see if they can be added to the reservation.
Amazing how a bit of cash focusses peoples minds on whether they want to bail at the last minute.

As for your experience - words fail me. I'd find the most indiscreet person in the group and tell them how upset and disappointed you are at the whole experience and how you were treated. That way they'll at least have no expectation going forwards that you'll rerun it and if you do, and they're not invited they'll know exactly why.

I would never host a party , I couldn't take the stress and know for a fact that there would be loads of last minute drop outs and no shows on the day.

I have been a person in the past that agreed to an invite as I was put on the spot , or didn't feel like ' No, that's not for me but have a good time ' was a good enough reason..only to tie myself in knots and stress about it before dropping out far too close to the occasion.

I've also been an attendee at awkward birthday parties and nights out ..one colleagues leaving do immediately springs to mind... where it's quite obvious people just haven't turned up. There's a look of desperation, embarrassment and sadness about the hosts as they anxiously watch the door , willing guests to arrive.