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AIBU?

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Original poster

in thinking DHs friend is plain rude regarding birthday invite?

91 replies

sweetkitty · 09/12/2024 23:28

DHs best friend has a big birthday coming up, a few months ago he texted me inviting DH and I to a lunch to celebrate, asked if I could make it/save the date kind of thing. I said that would be great he said he would book the restaurant. It’s in a few weeks time.

So fast forward to a week ago and DH says oh btw you’re not invited to best friends lunch it’s just very close family and me now. I said well that’s very rude inviting me then not inviting me. DH got all defensive said take it up with best friend etc.

Now I know best friend can invite who he wants I have zero issues with that, what I do have issues with is inviting someone then I’m inviting them but not actually telling them yourself. I think it’s rude. It’s not a financial thing as best friend is very well-off.

Am wondering should I text best friend back and say innocently “have I still to save the date, I have a big thing planned for the night before anyway so may be “delicate?”

So AIBU or is best friend a bit rude?

OP posts:
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Eyresandgraces · 14/12/2024 10:28

SALaw · 14/12/2024 10:24

Why'd he text you to invite you both rather than his best pal, your husband? All very odd. Anyway I'd be absolutely delighted to be uninvited from my husband's pal's whatever - not having to make conversation with all his pals and time to yourself. Bliss

I think he was using op as his pa because he knew she would chk the date and put it in the calendar.
Once she’d organised her dh the bf dropped her.

SALaw · 14/12/2024 10:24

Why'd he text you to invite you both rather than his best pal, your husband? All very odd. Anyway I'd be absolutely delighted to be uninvited from my husband's pal's whatever - not having to make conversation with all his pals and time to yourself. Bliss

bloodynaps · 14/12/2024 09:55

My DH wouldn't attend if I was invited first and then uninvited so tbh, the friend uninviting me won't be the issue but my DH's response will be the issue still attending and passing on the message to you.

Julimia · 14/12/2024 09:03

Deal with this yourself directly and back out. Don't involve DH in any way. Make sure the invitation had genuine details in first place, that it is what it says it is!

Paganpentacle · 13/12/2024 13:41

Close family?
You're married - cant get much closer.

Manara · 13/12/2024 12:58

BadlyDrawnRoy · 13/12/2024 09:50

DH has said to take it up with his BF, so I'd do just that, find out why but perhaps by asking if everything is OK, as the plan has changed.

She did. Days ago.

Thedandyanddude · 13/12/2024 12:28

nomoretreats · 13/12/2024 10:30

Do you think your DH and best friend conspired together? Maybe they thought you'd kick up a fuss with your DH going out drinking or celebrating without you and that was the way to get around it?

😂😂😂

nomoretreats · 13/12/2024 10:30

Do you think your DH and best friend conspired together? Maybe they thought you'd kick up a fuss with your DH going out drinking or celebrating without you and that was the way to get around it?

BadlyDrawnRoy · 13/12/2024 09:50

DH has said to take it up with his BF, so I'd do just that, find out why but perhaps by asking if everything is OK, as the plan has changed.

Girlonfirexo · 13/12/2024 07:42

Id be more annoyed at my DH's response to it. I might still feel like the best friend is rude but the fact my DH is so nonchalant and is not bothered that he has behaved this way towards you ... His DW I find weird. You got my back as a team or you don't ...

Tourmalines · 11/12/2024 07:55

InWalksBarberalla · 11/12/2024 07:11

Really? Because he's reduced a gathering for his own birthday and said he’s really struggling this time of year.
No wonder men don't typically open up about mental health issues.

Show quote history

Who said it’s a mental health issue ? And if he struggles “this time of year “ as not just at this time only , why bother inviting in the first place if he knew . Of course it’s up to him who chooses to go out with but if he’s struggling that much then why bother go out at all? He was rude to exclude an invitation to someone but keep it open for the other half .

InWalksBarberalla · 11/12/2024 07:11

Tourmalines · 11/12/2024 05:19

He’s a knob .

Really? Because he's reduced a gathering for his own birthday and said he’s really struggling this time of year.
No wonder men don't typically open up about mental health issues.

Tourmalines · 11/12/2024 05:19

He’s a knob .

NoCarbsForMe · 11/12/2024 05:04

All these people saying your DH should "push back" sound equally rude tbh.

NoCarbsForMe · 11/12/2024 05:03

He sounds depressed and self involved and therefore probably unintentionally rude op.
Meh. Move on. He's not going to change.

Manara · 11/12/2024 04:25

YAJBU. Don’t invite his friend again. If you do invite him for dinner etc, I’d stop that. If DH wants him around, he can host him.

AuDHDacious · 11/12/2024 03:59

sweetkitty · 10/12/2024 21:34

I don’t say he has MH issues I said I had MH issues I said he is a bit wow is me type of person.

I can assure you the “other” does not make a cosy foursome lol think very young family member.

I love where MN goes sometimes my DH is lying and having a cosy dinner with someone else 😀

I think the reason pp query whether DH is lying is because he got defensive and is being ‘arsey’.

When I talk to my DP he is polite and respectful …

Noodlehen · 10/12/2024 22:03

sweetkitty · 10/12/2024 21:34

I don’t say he has MH issues I said I had MH issues I said he is a bit wow is me type of person.

I can assure you the “other” does not make a cosy foursome lol think very young family member.

I love where MN goes sometimes my DH is lying and having a cosy dinner with someone else 😀

You said “ i am in no way belittling anyone who is struggling mentally (I have MH issues myself) but BF is very much a woe is me type of person.”

which suggests that while you are sympathetic to others mental health struggles having gone through them yourself , you’re not to his because although being a “woe is me” type of person, his sadness and being down in the dumps you think is overdramatic because he is successful so you don’t see what he could be down about?

Original poster
sweetkitty · 10/12/2024 21:34

I don’t say he has MH issues I said I had MH issues I said he is a bit wow is me type of person.

I can assure you the “other” does not make a cosy foursome lol think very young family member.

I love where MN goes sometimes my DH is lying and having a cosy dinner with someone else 😀

OP posts:
InWalksBarberalla · 10/12/2024 19:11

sweetkitty · 10/12/2024 17:46

@BluePapillon i am in no way belittling anyone who is struggling mentally (I have MH issues myself) but BF is very much a woe is me type of person. He is very well off, has no DC and has the type of lifestyle a lot of people could only dream about but he is always quite down in the dumps about life in general.

So you knew he has mental health issues, which can often be worse at this time of year, yet still jumped to him being rude. You don't seem a very understanding friend.

Noodlehen · 10/12/2024 18:25

sweetkitty · 10/12/2024 17:46

@BluePapillon i am in no way belittling anyone who is struggling mentally (I have MH issues myself) but BF is very much a woe is me type of person. He is very well off, has no DC and has the type of lifestyle a lot of people could only dream about but he is always quite down in the dumps about life in general.

Does being rich exclude you from having mental health struggles then? How ridiculous.

Namechangetheyarewatching · 10/12/2024 17:51

Seems a cosy 4, who is the "other"

Cynical me

Original poster
sweetkitty · 10/12/2024 17:46

@BluePapillon i am in no way belittling anyone who is struggling mentally (I have MH issues myself) but BF is very much a woe is me type of person. He is very well off, has no DC and has the type of lifestyle a lot of people could only dream about but he is always quite down in the dumps about life in general.

OP posts:
marivaux · 10/12/2024 17:46

Have to agree with @BluePapillon It seems like the man has said "I'm struggling" and you've responded "How rude". No wonder a lot of people feel they can't open up.

BluePapillon · 10/12/2024 17:15

He said it’s because he’s really struggling this time of year.

Surely this is the relevant bit? It’s not unusual for someone who is not feeling great mentally to not feel up to celebrations..if that’s the case perhaps his partner and close family member suggested a smaller celebration with them and his best mate.

Mayne OP you should be checking if he’s ok vs getting all bent out of shape about this? If i’d received a message with that line in it about struggling at this time of the year i’d immediately be considering someone’s mental health.

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