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AIBU?

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Original poster

Exh of 9 years - wants to meet up to tell me face to face he is now dating

69 replies

Manyindigowings · 09/12/2024 20:52

My AIBU that he is gloating?

And of course I have wished him well and sent him on his way. Can you give me your opinion of why he should think this to be appropriate?

I just don’t get why this is something I need to know. He ended the marriage.

He has not once been in contact me with in the 9 years, even though we have three adult DC.

I have had a couple of relapses and contacted him, wanting to meet for a coffee, but he has never responded. So a clear message.

I have had a short relationship in this time, but it never crossed my mind that having divorced, to tell him. That’s my private life.

Objectively, I wish there had been the possibility of a friendship. Our divorce was pretty amicable, from my perspective. So, this difficult information for me, even after 9 years.

I have found being single a real challenge this year. I have experienced a lot of bereavement in this period. So still grieving the loss of significant people. So this message has come at a really bad time.

I know I’m over-reacting. I just need to get this out of my system.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright4 · 12/12/2024 10:51

Well he has shown his true self . What a dickhead ..

perfect reply op .

Arlanymor · 12/12/2024 10:50

Manyindigowings · 11/12/2024 23:29

Made it clear when he messaged, “you’ve told me. No need to meet.”

Friend’s DH was the intel. Her husband told her and she told me.

There were some great rebuffs on here. Wished I’d asked for an appropriate response before I messaged him back. In hindsight I was succinct, to the point, indifferent. Probably did the job.

Thank heavens for MN. I did need a place to get it out of my system.

Good for you - build your fences even higher now that he has shown himself to be a vainglorious tosspot.

JackieQueen · 12/12/2024 10:46

Manyindigowings · 09/12/2024 22:04

Thank you for your responses. I knew I could rely on a mix of opinions.

I am not meeting him.

Yes. That makes sense that having contacted him a couple of times, I have given the impression I still hold a candle for him. This is the consequence of those messages if I am being honest with myself.

It is hard to move on. I am in my 60s so the reality of forming a new relationship is really slim. However, I am making the very best life for myself, and really blessed I can do this. I have my health.

Oh op, don't write yourself off like that 💐 My grandad was older than you and found himself a lovely lady to share his life with after my nan died. Best of luck 💖

Caroparo52 · 12/12/2024 10:43

Ignore him. I won't do it

SereneCapybara · 12/12/2024 10:19

Manyindigowings · 11/12/2024 23:44

‘Pissed on his chips’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣 That’s entered into my lexicon.

I always get a laugh out of MN, and thank you for the ‘well done’. I know I am supposed to have achieved a level of maturity but clearly the teenager in me is still going strong 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not sure you're the teenager here. It's a bit Alan Partridge of him to want to announce to his ex that he has a girlfriend again a full 9 years after he divorced.

Candy24 · 12/12/2024 05:07

Manyindigowings · 11/12/2024 23:29

Made it clear when he messaged, “you’ve told me. No need to meet.”

Friend’s DH was the intel. Her husband told her and she told me.

There were some great rebuffs on here. Wished I’d asked for an appropriate response before I messaged him back. In hindsight I was succinct, to the point, indifferent. Probably did the job.

Thank heavens for MN. I did need a place to get it out of my system.

I just want to say Im so sorry what a cruel man. You sound lovely.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/12/2024 04:51

What you said was perfect. That took the wind out of his sails.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/12/2024 04:33

What a fucking loser. You sound lovely on the other hand.

Kitkatcatflap · 12/12/2024 04:25

Your response was perfect. Well done OP

StrawberryWater · 12/12/2024 00:20

You did well op. He sounds like a very weird little man.

MondayTueWed · 12/12/2024 00:15

I think that was a great reply OP!

Bet you unintentionally really pissed him off!

Original poster
Manyindigowings · 11/12/2024 23:44

‘Pissed on his chips’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣 That’s entered into my lexicon.

I always get a laugh out of MN, and thank you for the ‘well done’. I know I am supposed to have achieved a level of maturity but clearly the teenager in me is still going strong 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
NobleWashedLinen · 11/12/2024 23:43

You have no obligation to meet him. He has no power over you, you owe him nothing and nothing in his personal life need affect you at all. Such a meetup would be entirely for his benefit not yours, so why waste your time? Tell him no.

Whocanbelieveit · 11/12/2024 23:38

“Made it clear when he messaged, “you’ve told me. No need to meet.”

Honestly OP that was a perfect response, I bet that really pissed on his chips. Now just go radio silence on him. He will be really annoyed that you have no interest in his life at all.

We are all proud of you, now you go on living a good life, if you meet someone you do, if not, fill your life with things and people that you love ❤️

Original poster
Manyindigowings · 11/12/2024 23:29

Made it clear when he messaged, “you’ve told me. No need to meet.”

Friend’s DH was the intel. Her husband told her and she told me.

There were some great rebuffs on here. Wished I’d asked for an appropriate response before I messaged him back. In hindsight I was succinct, to the point, indifferent. Probably did the job.

Thank heavens for MN. I did need a place to get it out of my system.

OP posts:
Ja428 · 11/12/2024 23:14

Manyindigowings · 11/12/2024 22:48

Update MNetters - yep fucked up. My intel informs me, He did want to gloat as a pp said - wanted to see the whites of eyes when he told me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What a peach!

BananaNirvana · 11/12/2024 23:10

Did you meet him? 😳

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/12/2024 23:03

Maybe he's dating another man and he needs to explain in person in case you need to punch him in the face? That's the only reason I can think of for needing to meet after all these years.

comedycentral · 11/12/2024 22:59

So weird, he really thinks you've pined after him and will be devastated by the news. What an ego, glad he's an ex op!

SereneCapybara · 11/12/2024 22:57

Maybe it's serious and he plans to marry and will invite all adult DC so wants to be tactful and tell you in person especially if they have said they don;t feel comfortable telling you or avoiding telling you?

If you once felt friendship was possible, might it be worth meeting up for a coffee to see if you can establish a slightly more congenial relationship, even if it is distant and intermittent.

Elizo · 11/12/2024 22:57

Thelnebriati · 09/12/2024 21:23

I'd probably have to get sarcastic and ask ''are you dating my Mum because I can't imagine any other reason you'd feel the need to make a dramatic announcement after a decade''.

Love this

Elizo · 11/12/2024 22:56

2025willbemytime · 11/12/2024 22:54

Who the fuck says whites of your eyes?! What a knobhead.

He does sound like a dick. Why does he think you would care. Say ‘great news. Good for you. No need to chat it over’

2025willbemytime · 11/12/2024 22:54

Who the fuck says whites of your eyes?! What a knobhead.

Elizo · 11/12/2024 22:54

Manyindigowings · 09/12/2024 20:52

My AIBU that he is gloating?

And of course I have wished him well and sent him on his way. Can you give me your opinion of why he should think this to be appropriate?

I just don’t get why this is something I need to know. He ended the marriage.

He has not once been in contact me with in the 9 years, even though we have three adult DC.

I have had a couple of relapses and contacted him, wanting to meet for a coffee, but he has never responded. So a clear message.

I have had a short relationship in this time, but it never crossed my mind that having divorced, to tell him. That’s my private life.

Objectively, I wish there had been the possibility of a friendship. Our divorce was pretty amicable, from my perspective. So, this difficult information for me, even after 9 years.

I have found being single a real challenge this year. I have experienced a lot of bereavement in this period. So still grieving the loss of significant people. So this message has come at a really bad time.

I know I’m over-reacting. I just need to get this out of my system.

If you know he is dating, how is the meeting to tell you? Seems a bit ridiculous really. With adult DC, who cares…single life can be hard but don’t let this set you back

youngoldthing · 11/12/2024 22:52

Manyindigowings · 11/12/2024 22:48

Update MNetters - yep fucked up. My intel informs me, He did want to gloat as a pp said - wanted to see the whites of eyes when he told me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh he sounds like a charmer 🤮

i wouldn’t even block him because that gives him the satisfaction of knowing he’s ruffled your feathers.

grey rock him.

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