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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Families, weddings, drama

35 replies

LovelyGirlImelda · 09/12/2024 19:27

Despite my parents’ protestations, I’m stuck between them trying to organise a wedding.

Dad wants to invite his girlfriend of around a year. They are on-off, and have recently broken up and reconciled. I’ve nothing against her particularly, but my concerns are:

  1. I live abroad so we haven’t actually met
  2. Dad seems to be trying to use my wedding to “debut” her
  3. He doesn’t seem to get that there’s a broad spectrum between “having a problem” with him being in a relationship (I don’t) and wanting to be best mates and hear about his feelings (don’t want this either)

My opinion is somewhere along the lines of… I’m pleased you’re happy, but she’s not my family just because you’re dating.

Inviting her will cause issues with my mum (she’s not the OW, for the avoidance of doubt). I’d also have to give my mum a +1 as well and frankly I don’t have the space.

So, AIBU to not invite the gf?

YANBU - don’t invite her
YABU - how heartless, of course you must invite her

OP posts:
DinosaurMunch · 09/12/2024 19:50

Anotherworrier · 09/12/2024 19:46

They’ve been together a year and she was the OW. No, it’s way too soon. Your Mother should be able to enjoy her daughter’s wedding without this nonsense. YOU should be able to enjoy your wedding without this nonsense.

She was not the ow

DinosaurMunch · 09/12/2024 19:49

I would let your parents bring their partner. Assuming they are adults and can manage to be civil for 1 day.
It doesn't mean everyone needs a plus one. You can make an exception for your parents.

Anotherworrier · 09/12/2024 19:46

They’ve been together a year and she was the OW. No, it’s way too soon. Your Mother should be able to enjoy her daughter’s wedding without this nonsense. YOU should be able to enjoy your wedding without this nonsense.

Ggmores · 09/12/2024 19:46

Sounds like you have a very small wedding and aren’t as a blanket rule inviting plus ones. It’s your wedding and I think you should do exactly what you want. If it means people can’t/don’t want to come so be it. I hate the entitlement people have over other peoples weddings (no children, too far away, no plus one, vegan-only food, etc.). It’s not their day it’s yours, you’re paying for it, have exactly what you want.

maxelly · 09/12/2024 19:44

This is just me, I hate drama and conflict, but unless it's a genuinely tiny wedding I'd give them each a plus one and let them bring whoever they liked, on the concept it's someone there to accompany them rather than a guest of your choosing. Like someone else said they might well be off again by May, or if they're going to get serious perhaps you'll have met her by then and like her etc. I just think that's the most straightforward and civilised way and trust to your dad that he's not going to bring someone really horrible and to your mum that she'll be grown up about it... Seat them apart though, I think it's probably too much to have them sat next to one another!

Ponderingwindow · 09/12/2024 19:43

Your dad’s girlfriend hasn’t been around long enough or consistently to qualify for an automatic invitation. She would only be included if you were giving everyone plus 1s, including people who just want to bring a random date.

Original poster
LovelyGirlImelda · 09/12/2024 19:41

No, they’re not cohabiting. Although I wonder if this etiquette is a bit different in the UK — I’ve been with my fiancé 6 years and there are weddings we’ve not been given a +1 at in the past year. Fiancé grumbled a bit but sometimes people just don’t have the space

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 09/12/2024 19:38

The US etiquette for weddings is that if someone is cohabiting they are a social unit and get invited together to things. However, it sounds like your father and his paramour are not cohabiting so you don't need to invite her. A year isn't that long, you haven't met her, they are on/off so may not even be together in a month or so.

Original poster
LovelyGirlImelda · 09/12/2024 19:36

Dumbles · 09/12/2024 19:35

I wouldn’t invite her. Just explain about space and the face you’ve not met her. When is the wedding?

May

OP posts:
Dumbles · 09/12/2024 19:35

I wouldn’t invite her. Just explain about space and the face you’ve not met her. When is the wedding?