Husband insulting me to MIL

He is deliberately lying to his mother because he wants her to feel sorry for him and to make her feel no one loves him like mummy. He is making sure there is no unity between you and his family so no one can compare notes and see him for what he is. The man you call your best friend/ husband is not the person you thought he was, he wouldn’t be able to work on his family’s farm without YOU paying all the bills and having your own home. Not only is he living off you he’s slagging you off to his family with blatant lies and he even takes the piss out of your mum! He is horrific Op really vile and you need to kick his arse out back to mummy dearest as he is a snake that can’t be trusted. It doesn’t matter what he says to explain himself because it will be a lie, get rid of Pinocchio

So many financial and emotional incestuous DH’s and MIL posts recently on Mumsnet. This to me is unforgivable. I would be making plans to leave.

Good god, I'd be absolutely livid!!!

Well done for taking pictures.

Tbh, I'd be inclined to make him live that way. Don't cook for him, don't do his laundry and see how he bloody well likes it then!!

And obv, LTB!!

He seems to have a very strange and frightening mentality and character. He is no 'normal' from what you have described. Why would he lie like that about you to his mother? Really weird apart from everything else. Wow! So toxic.

I would advise that you split before you're children are old enough to know differently, it is easier on them and you that way. I think such a good liar, like he is, is actually dangerous - who else could he lie to you about?

They’re envious of your rich parents, using you and counting on your DH benefitting from inheritance from your parents.

Divorce him, he’ll get half the house but he won’t get your parents money.

This is a bad and grifting family who saw you as a mark for the long con.

This is not your first rodeo on MN OP, and every time you post this toxic clusterfuck gets worse and worse. I'm glad to see you saying you realise the marriage is over, but we've all been here before so I'll be uncharacteristically straight with you.

Hell will freeze over before this family start behaving like anything approaching a normal decent family. They have been using and abusing you since day one, and cannot even be bothered to be civil while they fleece you to finance the family farm. Free house? An income? All on tap with you. And now you are pregnant with DC2, another child that will forever be held in thrall to this twisted, nasty family. They love being bullies.

Wtaf is wrong with you? Are you familiar with the term broodmare OP? Because that's your function in this toxic mess too.

You have my sincere sympathy because I realise this will not be easy for you, but you need to get out NOW. Firstly for your children's sakes, and secondly, because the longer you drag it out the harder it will get, not least in protecting your assets. Stop burying your head in the sand and being delusional, this NOT a happy marriage.

Support is here for you, both here and elsewhere, but stop digging your own grave, it won't change. Or rather it will. It will get worse.

Good luck.

The more I think about this, the more I understand why your MIL isn't particularly pleasant to you. If my dd's partner treated her in ways he's telling his dm you are acting, I'd not be massively friendly. So this is ALL on him, he's created this dynamic between you both. Sounds like he wants to be the centre of the universe with both of his 'women' fighting over him: just leave

You won't leave him though will you? You'll take some time to think about it then decide to stay. And then something else will happen and you'll post on here about it and be advised to leave him, again. But you'll stay

I couldn't forgive that, OP. You will of course never get on with ILs, let alone be accepted by them, if he is lying like that about you. That's awful! Particularly bad because as it's a farming family you are really enmeshed with them. Have you any idea why he may be doing this? Does he want to appear "great" to his mum, but lies about you to get brownie points or something?

If it was me I would honestly be thinking of a way out without telling him for now. If he is lying about you then you can't ever trust him again and clearly you'll never have even a reasonable relationship with the in laws which in a farming community is going to be impossible. I guess the other thing you could consider is to confront him and MIL/FIL together and see what happens - that's if you feel able to and it would't put you in danger form your H really kicking off about this?

Since the house is yours, I would say he needs to go stay with his parents while you reconsider what if any relationship you want with him in the future.

He doesn't love you, he would be unable to lie so horribly about someone he respected and loved.

He gives no craps about your dc either, who on earth travels without a carseat for a young child they would like to keep alive?!

Your dc are still very young, best to split now than after decades of misery. Though he'll probably leave you when the dc are old enough to stay over and his mummy finds someone new for him.

My parents did something very similar to me. They told me that they would be destitute if I didn't work for them for free (and I'm an idiot, so I did). Then they sold their business for a huge amount of money and left me without so much as a backward glance.

Don't be too surprised if the farm is never given to him, but is sold instead.

None of that excuses his behaviour, of course. He probably didn't see it as a betrayal,just that his mummy would be nicer to him, or give him extra treats or something if he made her feel sorry for him. Although, are you totally sure that they aren't paying him and keeping it secret?

Whatever is really going on, I think you will be best off out of it. This isn't a game you can ever win.

@Helpinghand1234 You have had numerous threads about him and his family. the time has come to take the bull by the horns and not care about offending his "D"m or his "D"f or even his "D"sis! go there and tell them the truth and tell them exactly what you think of them. I honestly do not think you are in a good relationship. your husband might be all sweetness and light to your face but he is stabbing you in the back all the time to his family! he is not good and if he say he does this just to keep his mother happy then that is even worse! take your kids and go to be with near your mum. see how he actually manages to survive financially without your money and see how he manages looking after himself and actually doing everything which he states he is already doing anyway. he is meant to be head of his family, albeit joint head with you therefore his loyalties are meant to lie with you. not his mother or father. mother and father are not the boss of you. the farm sounds like it is on the verge of bankruptcy anyway.

Oh my god OP. I know it's scary when you're pregnant but you really need to leave him. What an absolute shit.

Wow. I’ve seen the term “unforgivable” used quite a lot and I totally agree. Awful excuse of a man

You MUST get out of this relationship before your children are old enough to hear him talking like this about you to his mother. He'll poison them against you. To be honest, it's still a risk even after you split up but at least then your children will see you not accepting it, and if he's that busy hopefully he won't have them for much of the week. In fact, best to leave him NOW while the children are too young to go to him 50/50 and are still bf.

Good to hear you are finally realising that you have tough choices to make @Helpinghand1234 . It won't be easy but who knows what else he has done or intends doing. You and your children have to become your No1 priority, not a lying, manipulative person whose loyalties are to his mother and not his wife and children.
No love or respect for any of you. He's a disgraceful human being.

Forgot to add, someone told me this once.

In order for people to think badly of your husband, all you have to do is tell them the truth but in order for people to think badly of you, your husband has to lie.

OP I've got nothing additional to say that hasn't already been said but I just wanted to say I'm really sorry that he did this to you.

I had a similar issue with my now ex husband . After I divorced my dick of a husband, I had a moment of clarity where it suddenly dawned on me why his family didn't like me, in spite of the fact that i'd never actually done anything wrong or horrid to them. I overheard something I shouldn't have. It hurts. I hope you get away with a good financial settlement x

I agree, if there was any way that a solicitor could suggest that the OP might have a claim to the money pit family farm I’d suggest this might be the bargaining chip she needs to get out of the marriage with her sons with the best financial settlement and no shared custody (the husband sounds like an idiot and I’ve seen enough news stories about kids being injured on farms/ quad bikes etc).

Yes, this.

Have I understood correctly - aside from the lying, and taking your LO in the care without a car seat (both unforgivable in my opinion), he:

Doesn't contribute a penny financially to your household, ie the one you share as a family you him and your baby?

Also doesn't contribute a thing to the domestic load or looking after your child, that's all you too, despite the fact you also work (to pay all your bills)

If that's the case (and I think I remember reading another post from you OP on the set up re their farm) but really, WTAF? I would want to be ensuring your home is fully protected and he can't get a penny in a divorce but also as the above said, can you claim something against the farm (probably not legally) but I think it's bonkers that your pooled resources (ie his labour, because your labour has maintained the household you live in as a family) has gone into maintaining their farm if you don't have some kind of claim against it. Because if you flip it around - imagine he either had an ownership claim on the farm - it would be a joint asset therefore in your divorce - or he earned a salary - all that additional money would have contributed to maintaining your family household (so you would have had cash free from your job to put into savings).

I'm so sorry OP that he's been lying like this about you, it's really horrible and really not at all normal, I don't see a way back from that.

Excellent advice

When you speak to a solicitor, I would talk to them about using whatever tactics needed to secure you and your children your home away from these people. It's clear now they see you as the subsidy for their own home and business. Have prepared a speech about how you could claim on the farm and their assets given all you've paid, but if he was willing to walk away from a claim on your house, you could call it quits. Please note that I'm not a legal person - that much is probably obvious - but the point I'm making is: they will want their pound of flesh from you, as they always have. Be ready to fight fire with fire to avoid getting defrauded and left with less for your kids here.

@Nc546888 I really really hope that she has somehow managed to protect her home... he's been freeloading off her all this time, to think she might now have to split her property with this man is awful.