Husband insulting me to MIL

Well. She's a right one to be talking about mummy's boys isn't she? When her own makes up lies to please her.

He's not your best friend. He's a compulsive liar, and beyond disloyal.

I would never be able to trust him again. Not in anything, because if he lies that easily and that hurtfully, he doesn't have an ounce of integrity. If you stay with him you will never ever be at peace or be able to believe anything he says.

Thank goodness the house is yours. Throw him out of it and send him home to his mother.

I read your previous thread too @Helpinghand1234

You’re his meal ticket. He’s lovely to your face, stabs you in the back.

That’s not a man I could trust.
He’s not who he has pretended to be. You’re seeing the real man now.

you ask WWYD

I would keep my cards very close to my chest. Not have any arguments with him and certainly not tell him I was thinking of leaving.

Then at the first opportunity, when he’s going to be out all day, I would put my son in the car and go to my parents for Christmas. I would take any important documents with me. I would tell my parents everything and get some rest and support for myself.

While I was there I would consider my options for the future, get legal advice and I absolutely wouldn’t engage with this miserable two faced bastard in any way whatsoever.

I would also let him take me to court for contact with the child, particularly because there’s proof he is lax with safety and he is a pathological liar.

That’s what I would do.
best wishes to you in whatever choices you make xx

The first sentence here nails it - you love him but despite what he may say, he doesn't love you. He's being contemptuous about you to his mother, he's lying to make things even worse. Those are not the actions of someone who loves you.

They've decided you're an outsider.
And that's how they are going to keep you, even with your kids, who they will try and take over.
He's very two faced, you're assuming you're seeing the "real" him, how do you know that the d*ck in the text messages is not the "real" him and you're getting a fake version?

Also agree if he thinks it's acceptable to do this with his mum about you, he won't hesitate to do this with or in front of your kids with his family when they're older

Look unless your oh is prepared to undergo extensive counselling to deal with the enmeshment AND his lying AND he tells his family he made all that stuff up AND does significant grovelling to you AND realises he's broken all trust AND realises it will take a long time to fix everything then this marriage hasn't got a hope in hells chance of surviving.

Wow, this is the highest level of betrayal. You need to get out of this ‘relationship’ and be thankful he gave you such a great reason to leave because his entire family is toxic and horrible. Run.

That isn't venting. Venting about something is when you complain to a neutral third party about something rather than bringing it up, because it's minor or because it's not going to change (eg a depressed spouse, and you can't really moan at them for being depressed as it won't help, so you let off steam about it to a random third party).

I can think of a couple of times I've vented to my friends about my husband, things like how it's difficult when he works away. Not assassinating his character. If he has to vent to someone regularly about how awful a wife and mother you are, then he probably shouldn't be married to you.

I'm sorry OP I think this will be very hard to come back from. Because it's clearly due to his upbringing, his family dynamics and his relationship with his mother, none of which are quick or easy to unpick...he probably doesn't even understand or will be able to explain why he's done this, not without a huge desire to pick his childhood apart with a therapist

His minimisation of it would really hurt me as well. Lying and slagging you off frequently to someone who agrees with him, is not a marriage

This family are sick and toxic.
And they will turn your children against you too.
I doubt you can save your relationship with husband and mil, but at least save your one with the kids

Run as fast as you can and as far as possible.

get rid. Move a long way away.

I’d be sending him home to mummy. He seems to need her approval so much he’s making shit up. Until he can willingly demonstrate that he has told her the truth - and can establish boundaries that you can live with, this isn’t going to work, is it? You’re having an affair with HER true love.

Yes, this. 100 per cent.

As on every other thread you've posted, you know you should leave. He has totally betrayed you. He's not loving when you are together, he's PRETENDING. To keep you funding everything.

He’s a nasty lying narcissist. He’s not doing this to vent, he’s intent on driving a wedge between his family and you. Plus he gets sympathy from his mummy in the meantime. I suspect he wants to make sure the kids grow up as “insiders” on the farm and when they are old enough he/ his family will start turning them against you too. End result they continue the farming dynasty, to their cost, you end up out on your ear, hundreds of thousands of pounds down. He’s just “playing nice” with you in the meantime.

I’ve read your other threads too- didn’t you sell your house and end up having to plough the money into the farm? And you now live in a tied cottage or something? This is not going to get better if you don’t act.

Get tough. Leave him. Go to your parents. Make it clear that he’s broken your trust and betrayed you. If he really wants to change he has to prove it, get counselling, work out a way to work which means he contributes to the running of your household and make it clear to his family that it was all bollocks. Oh and you are never going to live on the farm again.

He won’t do this- he’d rather lose you and the kids than the farm- but if you cut your losses now the kids are young enough to not be badly affected and you won’t have to waste any more time/ money on him.

That’s awful, that’s not venting, he’s deliberately going out his way to ensure they hate you. I’d assume he’s laying grounds for a divorce and it’s evidence, now you know why they behave as they do,

im afraid I’d end it op. There is no way back. Evenif he admits to them he lied, they will think you made him do it.

what an awful person he is.

He doesn't love you OP. He doesn't even like you. He's just keeping you around because he likes that you pay for everything.

He is not your best friend. He's just someone who knows what you want to hear and so he pretends because it benefits him.

You deserve more. Your children deserve more.

There is nothing you can do except pick up your dignity and send him back to his mummy and daddy so he's their problem, not yours.

So your DS is a mummys boy, yet your MIL cannot cut the aprons strings from her grown up son? Nope! I'm sorry but this smiling assassin of a husband is not a provider to your small immediate little family unit, but is keeping their family farm going, while you pay the bills? Nah. You have the house and the wages, so if it was me, then I would be letting this mediocre man go back to his mummy and stay with her.

You need to put yourself snd your children in a safe position. Sell the house and move. You don’t have to divorce if its not advantageous to you. But you need to leave and start again far away. Somewhere you don’t need a car, with good schools. Leave him to be a prisoner of his farming world. You might move before divorce/without divorce if that makes it harder for him to get 50/50. Because for sure he will demand 50/50 so his mother can take your children and he won’t owe you child support.

Ask why he has outright lied to his mother. If he changes the subject don't get drawn into discussing anything else, ask him again why he is texting lies to her.

There is no excuse for this at all. He has deliberately alienated you from his parents by badmouthing you. Of course they won't like you.

He needs to tell his parents the truth, in front of you, so that you know it's been done.

And to further add... he's not your best friend. you might enjoy his company, but no best friend treats someone the way he is treating you behind your back. He's movies into a house you already owned, he's using his own money to pump back into his family's business and to top it all off he's lying about you and insulting you to anyone who will listen. He's a self centred man child. Let him run back to his mummy

One thing to note is that this does actually show just how fabulous you are. Your husband (for reasons unknown) wanted to slag you off to his mother. Now if my husband wanted to slag me off to his mother there are loads and loads of things he could say. I am untidy. I read too many books. I buy too many books. My cooking is “basic”. I am hugely unromantic.

But your husband couldn’t think of a thing! He had to lie about you to come up with anything.

I could begrudgingly accept him venting to his mum. But not lying.

The only way I would consider forgiving him is if he massively apologised and (in front of me) told his parents he had lied to them many times and apologised to me in front of them.

But based on what you have said he has no care for your feelings whatsoever

He’s not venting, he’s lying. No wonder your mil is against you when she’s hearing that pack of lies he’s feeding her. I’d leave him. Get your kids out of the toxic life before if affects them.

I think I posted on your other thread...this family will not change. Farming families are notoriously closed off and tbh they only need new family members (usually women) for breeding purposes!
In their eyes you're just on the same level as a cow getting served by the bull.