Husband insulting me to MIL

Jesus this is just awful, I wouldn't be able to look at him again after this. It's one thing to vent to your parents, it's another to make up horrible lies about you and turn his family against you. It's so cold and calculated.

I'm as stubborn as a mule so I would make him go to his mother's with you and tell her in front of you that everything he has said about you is a complete lie.... then I would turf him straight out of the house when I got home. But you may not want to go down this route obviously.

Is the home in your name only?

That would be a deal breaker for me. Saying such horrible, hurtful lies about you behind your back is abusive and toxic. The relationship he has with his mom is toxic. I imagine she will try and instate the same kind of relationship with your DS. What then? Will her and your DH start spreading lies about you to your own sons?!?!?! It is not ok and however your DH wants to wrap this, there's no justifying it. I'd want to kick him out of your house and send him back to his mom. I'd try and have full custody of the kids and only have supervised visits for him and MIL. Not sure if that's doable? Is the house only owned by you, he's not on any documents or anything that would make it illegal to kick him out? Sorry, I know nothing about the legal implications at this point. I know other pps will know better and will tell you to get a solicitor ASAP.

Thank you for the responses. I know you’re all right, the relationship is over, I can’t ever trust him again, and the more I re read the messages (I took pics on my phone) the more furious I’m becoming, how dare they speak about me in the way they do. I’m just going to take some time to digest everything and figure out what the new future looks like. I’m furious and heartbroken, but I’ll be damned if my children get pulled into this mess, so the sooner I get away the better, it’s just hard letting go of the future I had imagined as a family.

I read your previous thread too @Helpinghand1234

You’re his meal ticket. He’s lovely to your face, stabs you in the back.

That’s not a man I could trust.
He’s not who he has pretended to be. You’re seeing the real man now.

you ask WWYD

I would keep my cards very close to my chest. Not have any arguments with him and certainly not tell him I was thinking of leaving.

Then at the first opportunity, when he’s going to be out all day, I would put my son in the car and go to my parents for Christmas. I would take any important documents with me. I would tell my parents everything and get some rest and support for myself.

While I was there I would consider my options for the future, get legal advice and I absolutely wouldn’t engage with this miserable two faced bastard in any way whatsoever.

I would also let him take me to court for contact with the child, particularly because there’s proof he is lax with safety and he is a pathological liar.

That’s what I would do.
best wishes to you in whatever choices you make xx

Thank you for the responses. I know you’re all right, the relationship is over, I can’t ever trust him again, and the more I re read the messages (I took pics on my phone) the more furious I’m becoming, how dare they speak about me in the way they do. I’m just going to take some time to digest everything and figure out what the new future looks like. I’m furious and heartbroken, but I’ll be damned if my children get pulled into this mess, so the sooner I get away the better, it’s just hard letting go of the future I had imagined as a family.

Does he have any history of psychosis/paranoia where he may believe these things are true?
I can't see any other reason? It's just obscure to make things up when there's no issues, I could understand if you weren't getting along and he was trying to vent but didn't know how to explain the actual issues, but it doesn't sound like that's the case?

Does he have any history of psychosis/paranoia where he may believe these things are true?
I can't see any other reason? It's just obscure to make things up when there's no issues, I could understand if you weren't getting along and he was trying to vent but didn't know how to explain the actual issues, but it doesn't sound like that's the case?

Thank you for the responses. I know you’re all right, the relationship is over, I can’t ever trust him again, and the more I re read the messages (I took pics on my phone) the more furious I’m becoming, how dare they speak about me in the way they do. I’m just going to take some time to digest everything and figure out what the new future looks like. I’m furious and heartbroken, but I’ll be damned if my children get pulled into this mess, so the sooner I get away the better, it’s just hard letting go of the future I had imagined as a family.

Honest opinions please?

I (40f) am married to DH (41m) I’ve always had a tricky but civil relationship with in-laws. They’re overbearing and emeshed (farming family so everyone but them is an outsider)

Things got trickier when we married, then much much trickier when I had DS 15months ago. I’ve basically felt like a surrogate. MIL complains DS is a mummy’s boy, I shouldn’t have breast fed as no one else could feed him, DS doesn’t want to know her when I’m there, she’s not good enough when I’m around etc. If I complain to DH he says I’m stirring up trouble, imagining it or that’s just how she is. He works long hours keeping their farm afloat and has very little time at home in the evenings. When he does come home, at some point mil or fil will phone to see what DH had for dinner etc and ask how DS is. All of his money goes on keeping the farm afloat and my wages pay all our bills (I owned the home mortgage free before we married) When I complained to DH they were intruding on the little family time we had in the evenings the calls became less but constant messages to his phone, but I thought we had created some kind of boundary.

Im now 15 weeks pregnant with DC2. MIL and SIL had a very cold reaction when we told them, and it’s been niggling at me. DH has a way of making me feel like I’m imagining things, but this time I just
couldn’t convince myself that I was imagining it.

I know I’m totally in the wrong here and accept that fully, but this morning around 5am I couldn’t sleep and things were just going around and around my head. DH hadn’t put his phone to charge on his bedside table and it was on the middle of the bed. I unlocked it and started reading messages between him and MIL. I now know why she dislikes me so much. DH has called me lazy, told her there no dinner ready for him when he gets home, he’s had to do all the laundry as Id been lazy all day, I’ve had takeaway but there’s nothing for him, I’m angry and unpleasant/or I’m in a reasonable mood that night, he’s had to clean up my mess as the house was a tip, that I took my son without a coat and hat in the cold weather until he stopped me. He’s told her DS is saying Gran a lot which I’m not pleased about (DS says 3 words and gran isn’t even one of them). Every single thing is a lie.
In all the time we’ve been married I can count on one hand the times he’s come home with no meal ready, and that will be because I’ve just arrived home myself or I’m ill etc. I do all of the laundry (he wouldn’t know how to turn washing machine on) do all the housework (I doubt he knows where the hoover is) and have never taken DS out without either a sunhat or cold weather hat. He says he’s had too cook dinner, put DS to bed and is now cleaning my mess as I’m in bed. (I go to bed the same time as DS as he sleeps for around 3 hours and it’s the longest stretch of sleep I get- he’s then awake every hour/two hours to feed). MIL’s responses are “isn’t she lazy, she must have been in bed all day, she needs a good shake, don’t worry DS will grow soon so you won’t have to stay etc.” When he told her my DM was here, he called her “the old woman” and she responded “is she there to brag about how much money she has?” (My parents are fairly wealthy but not in an ostentatious way- they own property but drive a 15 year old car) She has also repeatedly told DH I’m angry and awful to be around as they’re not good enough for me. Everything he’s told her is a lie, but it’s like he wants to play little boy victim to his mother.

What on earth do I do? I confronted DH this morning- his response was he needed to vent somewhere, which is fair enough, but he wasn’t venting, he was lying and speaking about me in a very hostile and unpleasant way and actively lying. We argued recently as he took DS to mil with no car seat (10 minute journey) and they both had a moan about how I was still stomping my feet about it and being my usual unpleasant self.

What’s most confusing is to my face he’s lovely, we have the odd argument here and there but overall I thought we were happy, he constantly tells me how much he loves me, how happy he is etc but all the while messaging his mother how awful I am. We had a lovely day yesterday buying a Xmas tree and decorating etc and now I feel like my family is destroyed.

Ive spoken to my best friend and DB this morning- they both advised time to cool off before speaking to him to find out why he’s done this. I already know what he’ll say- he can’t get away from her etc, and really it doesn’t matter- how can I ever trust him again? This is the person who is supposed to be my biggest cheerleader but is actively assassinating my character to his mother. I suppose I want some reassurance I’m not overreacting? Is it enough to call it quits? I don’t want DS and DC2 to come from a broken home and I feel so ashamed and embarrassed to be in this situation- all the signs were there that they have an unhealthy relationship but I honestly never thought he would speak about me with such contempt. And worst of all I really do love him- he’s my best friend and when we have time just the 3 of us it’s wonderful. I know he can never go NC with in-laws as without him they’d be destitute, but I’m heartbroken about the situation.

WWYD?

Honest opinions please?

I (40f) am married to DH (41m) I’ve always had a tricky but civil relationship with in-laws. They’re overbearing and emeshed (farming family so everyone but them is an outsider)

Things got trickier when we married, then much much trickier when I had DS 15months ago. I’ve basically felt like a surrogate. MIL complains DS is a mummy’s boy, I shouldn’t have breast fed as no one else could feed him, DS doesn’t want to know her when I’m there, she’s not good enough when I’m around etc. If I complain to DH he says I’m stirring up trouble, imagining it or that’s just how she is. He works long hours keeping their farm afloat and has very little time at home in the evenings. When he does come home, at some point mil or fil will phone to see what DH had for dinner etc and ask how DS is. All of his money goes on keeping the farm afloat and my wages pay all our bills (I owned the home mortgage free before we married) When I complained to DH they were intruding on the little family time we had in the evenings the calls became less but constant messages to his phone, but I thought we had created some kind of boundary.

Im now 15 weeks pregnant with DC2. MIL and SIL had a very cold reaction when we told them, and it’s been niggling at me. DH has a way of making me feel like I’m imagining things, but this time I just
couldn’t convince myself that I was imagining it.

I know I’m totally in the wrong here and accept that fully, but this morning around 5am I couldn’t sleep and things were just going around and around my head. DH hadn’t put his phone to charge on his bedside table and it was on the middle of the bed. I unlocked it and started reading messages between him and MIL. I now know why she dislikes me so much. DH has called me lazy, told her there no dinner ready for him when he gets home, he’s had to do all the laundry as Id been lazy all day, I’ve had takeaway but there’s nothing for him, I’m angry and unpleasant/or I’m in a reasonable mood that night, he’s had to clean up my mess as the house was a tip, that I took my son without a coat and hat in the cold weather until he stopped me. He’s told her DS is saying Gran a lot which I’m not pleased about (DS says 3 words and gran isn’t even one of them). Every single thing is a lie.
In all the time we’ve been married I can count on one hand the times he’s come home with no meal ready, and that will be because I’ve just arrived home myself or I’m ill etc. I do all of the laundry (he wouldn’t know how to turn washing machine on) do all the housework (I doubt he knows where the hoover is) and have never taken DS out without either a sunhat or cold weather hat. He says he’s had too cook dinner, put DS to bed and is now cleaning my mess as I’m in bed. (I go to bed the same time as DS as he sleeps for around 3 hours and it’s the longest stretch of sleep I get- he’s then awake every hour/two hours to feed). MIL’s responses are “isn’t she lazy, she must have been in bed all day, she needs a good shake, don’t worry DS will grow soon so you won’t have to stay etc.” When he told her my DM was here, he called her “the old woman” and she responded “is she there to brag about how much money she has?” (My parents are fairly wealthy but not in an ostentatious way- they own property but drive a 15 year old car) She has also repeatedly told DH I’m angry and awful to be around as they’re not good enough for me. Everything he’s told her is a lie, but it’s like he wants to play little boy victim to his mother.

What on earth do I do? I confronted DH this morning- his response was he needed to vent somewhere, which is fair enough, but he wasn’t venting, he was lying and speaking about me in a very hostile and unpleasant way and actively lying. We argued recently as he took DS to mil with no car seat (10 minute journey) and they both had a moan about how I was still stomping my feet about it and being my usual unpleasant self.

What’s most confusing is to my face he’s lovely, we have the odd argument here and there but overall I thought we were happy, he constantly tells me how much he loves me, how happy he is etc but all the while messaging his mother how awful I am. We had a lovely day yesterday buying a Xmas tree and decorating etc and now I feel like my family is destroyed.

Ive spoken to my best friend and DB this morning- they both advised time to cool off before speaking to him to find out why he’s done this. I already know what he’ll say- he can’t get away from her etc, and really it doesn’t matter- how can I ever trust him again? This is the person who is supposed to be my biggest cheerleader but is actively assassinating my character to his mother. I suppose I want some reassurance I’m not overreacting? Is it enough to call it quits? I don’t want DS and DC2 to come from a broken home and I feel so ashamed and embarrassed to be in this situation- all the signs were there that they have an unhealthy relationship but I honestly never thought he would speak about me with such contempt. And worst of all I really do love him- he’s my best friend and when we have time just the 3 of us it’s wonderful. I know he can never go NC with in-laws as without him they’d be destitute, but I’m heartbroken about the situation.

WWYD?