I AM FUMING!!!!!! SUGGESTIONS PLEASE

No, it would imply they weren't married

No, it would imply they weren't married

True.

What, so the test incorrectly identified OP's bio father as someone who coincidentally knew, worked with and had a relationship with OP's mother?

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.

your mothers panic and general behaviour, suggests that there is something else to this story. Your biological father’s take sounds plausible, but that doesn’t mean that either is correct.

your mother is effectively throwing you under the bus, to protect her lies. That’s unfair and puts your wellbeing under a very compromised situation.

1. if she was attacked, would it really ruin her marriage? Would your dad have sympathy for his wife, the presumed victim?

2. if she was attacked, did she seek support, make a police complaint, share with her family. If she was violated, she should not have to keep this secret as she’s not to blame.

3. I would tell your mum, that unless she tells your dad, you will. Give her some time. Then tell your dad.

You can’t lose everything because of your mums lies.

You don't want to hurt your Dad's feelings but he doesnt have any issue with hurting your feelings and being complicite in ostracising you from your family. My mother is a little bit like this, but to a far less extent. She plays me off against my brother (who is her golden child) and my Dad, and I get blamed for being difficult when I stand up to her.I am 100% the scape goat and it sounds like you are too. I dont know if she even knows shes doing it, it's just innatley in her nature. Anyway, I strongly suspect you mother is lying and she had an affair. I would tell your Dad, but he probably won't believe you even if you have evidence.

No it is not. My husband and I have both taken DNA tests. In my husband’s case he has found and made contact with a whole load of family through the ancestry website.
Not only do you get details of people you might be related to, it gives you a breakdown of your ethnicity. Even if we have lived in the UK for generations, our descendants very often came from elsewhere.
It really is important to know who your biological parents and grandparents are. There could be inherited diseases that you or your future children need to be screened for.

Nerd, although I was linked with the 2 of my children who separately had done a test and also to distant cousins on my mother's and father's side who are in my family tree so I was amazed by the accuracy actually.

clingycassandra, I hadn't know that - that is you have a child out of wedlock, declare the father on the birth cert, you then have to re-register the birth if you and the father marry. Given half of babies are born with unmarried parents these days in the UK and that quite a few then later DO marry for IHT and other reasons I think there should be more publicity for that. · https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1976/31/section/9

Yes. Indeed. The mother won’t have even considered the OP’s emotions in this at all. Awful woman.

Loving the amount of people defending the mother for sleeping around and getting pregnant then lying to her family for decades.

Reveal all OP, it's the only way quite frankly.

I knew from age 14 that I wanted to join my profession. I spent the next 4 years doing work placements and voluntary work in my school holidays. I was definitely working towards my career.
And none of this detail has any bearing on the overarching issue here other than kicking the OP.

The OP might have fudged some of it to be less obvious. If you don’t believe it then just leave the thread.

Let it out. Why are you trying to protect your dad? He has turned his back on you and you say you were abused as a child by your mum, he must have known that was going on. Did he do anything to try and protect you growing up?

Or gift everyone in your family Ancestry DNA kits. Let them find out for themselves that they aren't related to you in the way they think they are.

Everyone needs to jump off their high horses, getting on OP's back, nit picking every word, get over yourselves! OP clearly your mother is extremely selfish yet not self aware (like a lot of the other posters on here) you're not gaining anything having her or who you have been told is your father in your life so maybe speak to any of the family members you want to hold onto and let the rest swivel, life is too short. Also, getting an Ancestry DNA kit for your children really isn't that weird, children study family trees all the time whether that is in primary school or secondary! It's interesting!

To the armchair detective - I was born in '88 and my oldest DD is 19. ( She is at uni and she had placements in her chosen field of study before applying to uni)

Do it have that bottle of wine have 2 prints each of both dna kits with letter hand given to every single member of yiur family the ones that matter dad brothers sisters and then leave it at that you have no way at all created any of this and your mother sounds like a piece of work I know how you feel because I'm mid 40s and still having therapy over my childhood..... take charge and feel no shame because you've done nothing wrong do not sit on a back burner if the nan wants to see you then see him he can't be lying it's all proof in black n white xx

No, but it’s how you get a place on very competitive medical school courses (28000 applications for 7000 places) - work experience is the only way to stand out against all the other students who are predicted 4 A* and have 10-12 grade 9s at GCSE.

Likewise I also think it's odd that Op's mum went straight to assault/rape rather than saying she genuinely thought that Op was her dad's.

It's hard to think that someone would lie about something so serious.

Of course it obscures(?) the fact that she was obviously seeing someone else!

Well, when MN requires that all posts must be proof read and edited for grammar and accuracy, you can apply for the post. Do you correct people IRL when they make a mistake in their language too? You must be fun at parties.

I'd be wary about trusting these novelty DNA testing companies 100%.

Mine did not link my sister to our mother at all. I knew she was my sister as there's a large age gap and I was there when my mother gave birth! We did a test with another company and it did then link the two of them.

My point being, there's a good chance your test isn't correct

I know this - but knowing your ancestry is still a useful indicator before choosing to take the next step, isn’t it? It’s information about ourselves and everyone has a right to know what their ethnicity is and who their bio/genetic forebears are (eg… who our cousins are or who are not. We don’t require genetic blood testing before marriage in the UK, but in the US I think you are still require to have a blood test precisely to check you are not related).

Just a thought @Buttonsmum67, but it seems a bit odd to me that a man who has previously raped a woman (or women) would voluntarily take a dna test and make those results available online for any children to be matched with.

Not saying your mum is lying, but that makes no sense to me.

I had to make an account just to leave a comment on here lol, please tell your family. Do not let her push you out of the family when it is not your fault.