I AM FUMING!!!!!! SUGGESTIONS PLEASE

Well, I know what I would do. And I'm not saying you should. But she has a secret and has lied to everyone about you.

I'd contact them all, providing screenshots of your ancestry result of who your father is.

So, seeing as I'm being accused of borrowing money and not paying it back, and whatever else.. there was never a time any of that happened.

But I did ask to know why I grew up thinking "Dad" was my father, and not "xxxx" who is actually my biological father. I was conceived from a several month long affair. I was initially told that I was conceived by rape, however I don't think that's the truth given her subsequent actions.

Obviously, everyone has loyalty to her, but there are victims in this scenario she has created and I draw a line at having my character muddied by her lies about me.

The simple truth is she's manipulated and damaged my relationship with all of you so I can't be believed if I tell the truth.

But despite being my mother, she's a cheating, lying, manipulative person who is only out to cover her own back, so I suppose this is my warning to you all to watch your back....even I didn't think she would stoop so low until the past year.

Just what I'd do, but I'm a burn the bridge type of person

@Buttonsmum67 I too would discuss the DNA results with your Dad (the one who brought you up) and tell other family members that your mum is lying about the borrowed money, because she doesn't want everyone to know the DNA results?

I would also contact your bio Dad. From what you say about your Mum, I would strongly suspect she is lying about the attack/rape, as the first thing which came into her head as a 'reason', why it wasn't her fault. Otherwise, if it were true, she would not be as anxious as she clearly is, that if anyone finds out her marriage will be destroyed?

It might not be wise but I wouldn't be able to stand this. I would share exactly what you know with all your immediate family, just saying "I just don’t know what to think and am very confused" (rather than implying you think your mother is the one not telling the truth). Talk about how much you love your father (i.e. mother's husband).

I feel very sorry for your father but you are not responsible for their relationship. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself.

It doesn’t sound like he knows at all, it sounds like his wife has fed him a crock of absolute shit out of fear the op will tell him?
it was so an affair, not a rape.

This would make sense if she’s lied to you about rape. If your dad knows she’d had a relationship with another man, he surely won’t be best pleased to hear that she’s lied to you.
If she’s previously claimed she’d been seriously ill when she hadn’t, she can’t be trusted to tell the truth about this.
The man who is your biological father surely wouldn’t be so calm if he had actually raped her.

I would go see your mum, tell her you know the truth and you are going to tell the entire family and every friend she has if she doesn’t cut the ostracising and lies, you expect an invite to your brothers wedding, your aunts to get told it’s all a big blow up and your (non bio) dad around wanting to see his daughter within a week or you will go nuclear.

It is OP DNA... in law OP (and the bio father) who both consented have the full rights to this knowledge that he is her father and anything they choose to do with it not her mother. Her mother has no rights to keep a 'secret' over controlling her DD DNA.

DNA is classified as the highest protected level of your identity which is why we don't run genealogy on crime victims (due to inability of the dead to consent) etc... its also why we have some of the strictest laws about DNA collection and what can be used as evidence.

You have facts on your side. Your DM is projecting because she's been caught out. I'd let the whole family know this. Maybe your other siblings have a different father? You are not to blame and this is spiteful.

It does sound like your DF knew. What I don't understand is why they didn't even mention it as you were growing up? Even if you were as a result of rape (which it doesn't sound like you were) you deserved to know the facts. Your DF would still be your DF and you wouldn't have had this shock.

This. I wouldn't meet with your mother at all in advance. It will just give her more of an opportunity to get her own lies in first.

I would start with your sister and ask her to arrange a meeting with you and your Dad without your mothers knowledge. Then sit them both down with the evidence. You don't want to lose them but your Mum is in arse covering mode and has chosen to make up lies about you in order to exclude you from the family in case it all comes out. You don't want to lose your relationship with them but cannot be treated like this with so many lies made about you.

He has assumed you were biologically his and it will be a shock. Your mum will almost certainly say that's what she thought - it's his choice whether to believe that for his own sake. You have two half siblings so they have clearly had a long marriage even if she is a total witch.

Not sure I'd bother with golden balls unless you were previously close which it doesn't sound like. He sounds like the sort of man child who will choose the greenest side to stay on.

Whether you say anything or not, there's a high risk your family will simply stay on your mum's side as the easier option. But at least you've given a chance to the man who has been your father for 30+ years to continue your relationship.

Re your biological Dad. I would do a Clare's law request and assuming that's absolutely clear, I'd ask to meet him.

You feel sorry for OP's dad but not OP? OP has just found out that her dad is not her dad and she should just suck it up and allow her toxic mother to spread lies about her?

What a hard situation! What is your relationship like with your dad? Is this going to come as a major shock to him? The way you've found out is a million miles from ideal. Can you find a way to let the rest of your family know which will minimise the shock and fallout. You don't want good relationships fractured over this.

Your dad, whether he realises it or not, is enabling her. He deserves to know the truth. Your mother has dug herself a deep hole, she can try to crawl out of it. Tell the truth, none of this is your fault, you’re not at blame here, your father can decide what to do with the facts when he has them.

Tell your family, preferably without your mother's knowledge so that she doesn't have the time to tell more lies about you.
Tell them the truth, show them the ancestry results, tell them that she has been lying to everyone about your actions.
Then it's up to them if they still believe her, but at least you will have said your piece and they have both sides of the story.

Are you off the chart bonkers? This most certainly was not the mothers secret to keep, dear god, this is 100% a huge issue for the op. Her parentage may well not be what she thought. FFS, what planet are you on.
Op, I’d speak to the man who is likely your bio father and hear more from him. Is his story credible, or is hers..? I’d defo be telling family too, this is not a mess of your creation. Whatever you choose to do I wish you well, I’m so sorry you are in this situation.

I would tell your father and siblings about the ancestry.com results. I wouldn't keep her secret when she has behaved like this and told lies about the reason for the argument and caused you to be ostracized from the family.
DNA tests don't lie.
She might be lying about the rape, but on the other hand she might not be lying. Your biological father isn't going to say that he raped her, he's going to come up with the affair story. But perhaps the affair story is true. It's really impossible to tell.

I'm not sure that it necessarily implies anything of the sort. 2 months isn't so long really. OP's Mum and the Dad may both have thought that he was the Father of the baby since it appears, from what OP said, that both may have been sleeping with her Mum during that 2 month period?

Only read OP posts

I don't think this guy would have been so quick to contact you if you were the product of an assault. He sounds genuine. Would a relationship with this man be an option?

I think your mother has always known you were not your 'dads' and this is why your brother is the golden child. It sounds like she resents you. Do you think your dad maybe deep down knew but wanted to marry your mum so just went along with it and became your dad?

I think it was. I had no problem getting it at that time.

I think she's lying about the rape because you said she has lied about serious illness before so I don't think she's above lying about SA. I say expose her and show evidence to prove you're not lying to them. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

But she hasn't told anybody anything and she has already been ostracised. Through no fault of her own.

The issue here js the mother.

If she can make up lies about you now then she definitely sounds like she lied about having an affair.
If it was me I would write letter to all my family members and explain exactly what has happened.
She obviously doesn't care about your feelings , so why should you worry about hers.

I would write to your mum.

Tell her that unless she stops this campaign against you you will tell everyone. That you haven't done anything wrong and you just want to be part of the family again. Take it from there.

If your biological father is interested in meeting you it strongly suggests the relationship with your mum was consensual.

Sorry @Tbry24 that post looks odd, I am agreeing with you.

No don't suck it up.
I'd call a meeting with her. Just the two of you and tell her in no uncertain terms that you know that her story is bs. That you've had contact with this man. That you are OK to say nothing to dad but she has to stop this toxic exclusion of you. Because if she doesn't then you'll have nothing left to lose and you may as well tell everyone the truth.

How is this fair on the OP. She has been cut out of the family for nothing apart from her mother’s panic she is going to tell someone. How on earth should the OP just suck it up!