I AM FUMING!!!!!! SUGGESTIONS PLEASE

This. If I were you I would seriously consider going NC with your Mother and family. I know how awful it is to be lied about and ostracized from your family ( happened to me, but under different circumstances to you). However, you have to think about yourself and your DC and what's best for you all. You will probably get nowhere with your family.

Your mother is defaming you by concocting the debt story. If she is lying about the raoe she is defaming your biological father also. Perhaps she needs to realise that defamation is illegal.

Suggest you need counselling and she also needs counselling. Separately, as the Mother is abusive.

I wouldn't let your mother evict you from the family without putting up a fight. Most of us are parents, and most of us probably wouldn't get one of our children ostracised from all their family simply to cover up our own mistakes or regrets. What kind of person does that? The answer is that a narcissist does that.

I'd suggest taking an evidence-based approach and considering which of your relatives are most likely to be receptive to this. Then, either in person or in a written format, present the facts. You did the ancestry test for your children as entertainment, and it has come back (twice) with this man as your biological father (you have written evidence of this). Your mother has given her account of what happened, and you have a different account from the man. Shortly after this, your mother has been putting pressure on you not to tell, and she has now been saying things about you that aren't true (you can show your evidence that these things aren't true), which has led to you being isolated from the family. While you appreciate that this is a sensitive thing for you, her and your dad, you are now being falsely accused of things and have a right to defend yourself. You don't want to create more drama, but you don't deserve to have people believing lies about you and rejecting you at a time when you would really benefit from some family support.

I think it was an affair not rape.

you shouldn’t lose your extended family because of her lies. Please stand up for yourself.

also go meet your bio dad :)

Might it be feasible to talk to your Dad alone (i.e the one that brought you up). There are no winners here but it is your Dad and you that are the victims if she is lying.

I know my Dad would still be my Dad even if he turned out not to be biologically related.

Tough situation, really tough.

Are you getting any sort of professional support? This is a huge thing to be dealing with, made harder by the fact you're getting 2 stories and the truth could be either of them or somewhere down the middle (as you say, sexual violence can happen in consensual relationships).
I would probably be honest with your other family members (not making a huge drama, just explaining that it's been upsetting to find out you have a different biological dad and your mum's response hasn't been great, but he clearly that you're keen to maintain a good relationship with everyone if that's true), and also meet with your biological father and tell him what your mum said. But you need to make your own decision on what's best for you to do which will depend on your own feelings and your relationship with everyone involved.

No. I don’t believe that but we can’t know for sure. But what we do know is that this mother has form for lying, firm for creating division, putting her own needs above those of the children she chose to have. If she was raped I don’t believe the bio father would be so ready to come forward. I think she could have calmly talked to her daughter, sensitively explained and asked for what she needed.

I would usually err on the side of believing a woman in a rape accusation but in this case the circumstances, for me, add up to her being narcissistic and all about self preservation and manipulation.

But none of us can know for sure and this is the OPs information to do as she pleases. As a mother myself, if this was me in her mums shoes, I would put my big girl pants on and put my daughter front and centre at a time when she has had this bombshell. I would be in tears if guilt for having kept it from her, not tears of woe is me my secret might come out. I certainly wouldn’t make up lies about her regardless of a traumatic sexual assault. My responsibility as a mother trumps all.

I agree. You should have left well alone I instead of throwing this grenade into the middle of the family after all these years. Did you not realise the trouble it would cause awakening all these ghosts from the past. Too late now.

I swear, MN is the only place - IRL or online - where I hear people being judged for taking a DNA test to learn more about their heritage. I don't know anywhere else where people are expected to think, "Wait, an Ancestry test might expose my mum as a slapper, better not get one..."

Are you serious?

*could

This.

Come on OP. Look at your general relationship and history with her. Dig deep and I think it's obvious who is telling the truth.

My first instinct reading this is that your mother is a liar, get to know your biological Dad, and tell him her version, see what he has to say, sounds like you have nothing to lose.

It wouldn't it was completely normal for unmarried people to give the baby the mums last second name.

Sorry this is happening to you OP but yor dad sounds shit too.

Rapists don't normally put themselves forward for DNA testing. The mother wasn't raped, she has a history of extreme manipulation and lies.

Sorry you are going through this x

Non Biological Father is an enabler also, and while mother is controlling telephone calls, she will also be building a story against you. She is prepared to ostracise you to protect her narrative. Brother is brainwashed by her.

I wonder what the other sister is like? Surely the other siblings can see a pattern in the mother's behaviour.

I think you've got to tell your Dad. You've got nothing to lose at this point really.

Also get a proper DNA test with your Bio Dad

OP I believe your Bio father’s version of events and would want to at least meet him.

I would invite your Dad to meet you, ask him to put a stop to the nonsense, lies from your Mum, if he doesn’t then just give him the facts. He hasn’t got your back.

I think she’s lying. If that man had sexually assaulted someone, he’s unlikely to have his DNA on ancestry.com nor would he contact a potential child. I could be wrong but usually attackers do their best to keep under the radar. She’s been caught out - she’s using the worst imaginable explanation to keep your silence.

tell the lot of them, and get as much proof from your biological father as you can. By the sounds of it, you’ve got nothing to lose.

best of luck OP x

DM wasn’t raped, was she - rapists don’t normally answer emails about fathering a child. We know she’s a liar from the other stuff.

OP, I’m so sorry.

What a horrible situation.

Perhaps she really thought you were your Dad's?

I don't understand why she has turned others against you & why they believe her?

@WhoIsBetty do you not this is a distraction to try and avoid having to tell everyone the truth? Maybe she was raped and doesn't want to live through it all again by explaining to everyone what happened. So doing everything she can to avoid going there.

Of course it wasn't the mother's secret to keep! The OP had every right to know who her real father was! Do you think people have the right to lie to their child about being adopted, or being conceived by sperm/egg donor?

Ancestry tests are not destructive, they're just a form of technology - nothing more, nothing less. Lying about your child's parentage is the destructive part. A DNA test can't rip apart a family unless someone's done something wrong.

You poor thing - you have every right to feel very hurt and very angry! You are being gaslit by an extremely narcissistic woman and a weak family of enablers! Definitely read/share on the famous and wonderful Stately Homes thread here. Dealing with a toxic family is no fun and support from those who "get it" can be immensely helpful.
BTW You mention a sister. Are you close to her or has she joined in the family cult and misdirected blame game?

Can you talk to your godfather about this man or some other people who know him and see if they are totally normal or whether there are other things off with him. Particularly how he treats women

The identity of her father is HER business, not just her mother's.

Also, you'd really 'suck it up' if you found this out in this way?

I hope you're just trolling, because if you really think like this you're seriously fucked up.