I AM FUMING!!!!!! SUGGESTIONS PLEASE

What has happened in this case is the OP’s biological father had already tested so when she looked at her matches she could see that her biological father had tested.

OP I am so sorry this has happened and those blaming the OP are way out of line. This is not her fault and there were other ways for her Mother to handle it.

It will only tell you if you are building your family tree and have opted in to have your matches sent to you. I did mine and have found relatives all over the world, we are clearly very distant relations, but I also have cousins who are doing their family trees so we matched.

Yes, this

Oh yes it was!

Indeed, majority of rape victims are aquainted with their attackers.... whether in a 'relationship' or not.

You (and your DNA) are clear evidence intercourse occurred, so a guilty attacker would be a fool to do anything other than paint as strong a picture of a consensual affair as possible.
Looking at things objectively:
Your biological Father knowing all these facts and presenting the affair scenario neither proves NOR disproves an attack on your mother.

Slightly confused as we have done the ancestry DNA test. It told us about our heritage and possible DNA links but can't tell us who our parents are?

Yes, the MAP was available, on appointment from family planning clinics and the like, (i.e. not over the counter at chemist shops) in the very late 1970s. I took it in 1979.

Oh yes , it was available then (required a visit to GP or A&E and prescription)

This is just awful. I really feel for you and would definitely suggest you seek counselling which will help you unpick all of this.
Sadly you don’t have anything to lose by telling your family as you aren’t in contact anyway - I think you taking control of the situation is really important as your mum is the one controlling the narrative. I think you have to prepare yourself though for things not necessarily changing as you aren’t able to control the lies that your mum is likely to come up with once the truth, as far as you know it, is out. Your family may still side with her but at least you will have (potentially) opened their eyes to her deceit. Perhaps seeking out a relationship with your real dad might be the one good thing that will come out of this?
Take care of yourself ❤

"Decide as a group if your father should know"

OP, its your DNA... and its up to you who you tell. While that is the case you are still in control of this news which is deeply personal to you and which has caused you so much anxiety.

But you can't untell once its out and you can't control what others do with the news or who else they tell and how.

Once you tell siblings it will come out in any case. And maybe not in the way you'd hope - eg your DM may deflect and start saying OP told siblings and told them not to tell DF.

There is no rush to tell all whilst you are still processing this news and thinking about it. No need to have a sudden confrontation with unstable people who may not have your best interests at heart.

On the basis of your Mum’s reaction, including the smears about you owing her a debt, her policing your Dad’s mobile etc, I’d say it’s more likely that your bio father is the truthful one here.

She’s got DARVO down to a tee!

OP's father is hardly a 'ghost from the past'!

I would text everyone and add a screen shot of the results. Then let the chips fall as they may. The truth always comes out in the end.

If you go out all guns blazing telling everyone what's happened, she will tell them she was attacked and you will be the bad guy.

what outcome do you actually want? to be on good terms with your family, the truth about your paternity out in the open or your mother punished.

if you want a relationship with your family, the best thing is to try and reason with your mum that you won't tell her secret and get her to retract the lies about you.

if its your paternity, choose a time when your mother will be out or meet your father at work etc and have a 1-1 conversation him and maybe your brother.

if you want to burn everything down, tell everyone.

She’s lying OP.

It wasn’t abnormal to register in your name and then register on marriage again, especially as you have to re-register the birth when you marry the dad. Your mum cheated and fucked up, she hoped it was your dads and you confirmed that you aren’t. She’s saving face like a true Narc.

tell everyone the truth.

I would send everyone a copy of your results and the conversation with the man from the DNA website any any you have with your mother.

If they see the evidence and then still don’t make amends then I would cut them all off for good and move on with my life BUT I would probably be too badly hurt by none of them listening to you before now.

Was the morning after pill even around then? I thought they were a fairly recent thing?

There is the potential to destroy a lot of families with genealogy, even more so with DNA. I recall our discovery that my MIL was born 3 months after her mother's marriage simply from looking at dusty certificates, MIL wasn't pleased! After her death we found out that she had a sister born 3 years earlier, OH recalled her being presented as his grandmother's much younger sister. Not sure what it all achieves, a parent is the one who sticks a plaster on your knee etc when you're little.

Your mothers behaviour is classic narcissism. Blame someone else, then try to alienate you so she doesn't have to be reminded of her terrible behaviour. If this guy had assualted her I doubt he would even have contacted you or wanted to meet you. She'll never forgive you for finding out- there's no point trying.

I'd too be wary she might go after your bio Dad to try and cover things up. There's nothing as vindictive as the fury of a narcissist who's been found out. Meet your bio Dad and see if you can find some parental happiness there.

DNA Ancestry kits aren't really a 'fun present'. There's always a risk of things like this coming out of the woodwork. I'd leave well alone personally.

Defamation - there is no excuse for the depth of her lies.

She has basically made false rape allegations. What a nasty, manipulative person.

Yes it was. I lived in a medium sized town and could get it in 1986 or maybe 1987 from the family planning clinic. It was a faff and the wait took ages but you just went down there during opening hours, usually saw 2 people and the first must have been some sort of triage then waited to see the nurse to have your drugs administered and a big telling off if I recall.

This has been my experience too with family members.

I outed my mother about her promiscuous and neglectful parenting after years and years of her lies/manipulations and her dragging up one of her old boyfriends to cheat on my stepfather with. It was the final straw for me. She denied everything.

And guess what? They all sided with her including my brother who dropped me like a hot potato. This is despite them all knowing about her behaviour (and enabling it) and unspoken paternity issues regarding my youngest sister.

Be prepared for a permanent outing from your family @Buttonsmum67 despite the evidence. Dysfunctional families are fragile and all members are insecure in one way or another.

I'm NC with all of them, painful at the time but oh my God so worth it. My golden child brother has recently seen the light and trying to reconnect because he's out in the cold now. No thanks.

I agree with this. I've heard many stories similar to this and people continue to be irresponsible enough to do these tests. I hope people read this as a cautionary tale. I for one don't believe it's ok to mess up a family because of one person's need to seek the truth. I know a family secret and I intend to keep it, as a matter of respect for those involved.

@Buttonsmum67 your Mum is acting awfully. She is so terrified of the knowledge you possess that she is prepared to cut you off. Telling anyone else would be the nail in the coffin. I dont think you should tell anyone but I do think you need to resolve things with your brother and other family members. You don't need to tell them why you fell out with DM.

As for the circumstances of your conception, does it really matter? If you are the product of rape or passion, you are still YOU. You were loved and wanted and cherished and that is all that matters.