What text to send to gauge his interest?

BeAzureNewt · 2024-12-09T10:23:07+00:00

Been dating someone that's been hot and cold. Several misunderstandings have happened the last month, and he is being a bit distant. Last text was initiated by me, and he replied a day later after seeing my story, and we were formal with each other. He liked my story yesterday and then posted a new picture of him, which I liked today. He didn't text me, but generally, he knows I sort of text him every 5 to 7 days. I want to shoot my shot and text him just to get a clear idea where I stand with him and if he is just being stubborn at this point. I don't want to text to make him interested again—I sort of want to do it for me as I need that to close this chapter if I must. Is it desperate to let him know I like him and liked his latest picture? In the past, every time I have overthought about this guy, I had been wrong and just wondering if this is the case. I thought of just texting ,good morning handsome and see what he says

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 17/12/2024 11:45

@GRex
Who said I am chasing ,he contacted me or didn't you the part of closure.
Does anywhere my post suggests I am taking him back ?

OP posts:

genesis92 · 16/12/2024 21:57

What a thread 😂

stargazerlil · 16/12/2024 21:35

God doesn’t it exhaust you. I’m tired just reading about it. Please go and find someone who will be nice to you before your old. You don’t want to have Noth8ng to look back on but a wasted love life.

GRex · 16/12/2024 21:31

BeAzureNewt · 15/12/2024 18:58

Update :he dm on Instagam as that is a place I didn't block him and we were not following each other.he told me he is in prison for the last 3 weeks.
It seems he is lying as many things don't add up so I am getting even more closure now.
Apparently he has a phone there where his friend smuggled it in visiting room.
A man will go to many lengths to lie,
3 weeks is when he started acting distant and leaving me on read but when we spoke 2 weeks ago he said he is at home.

Right. So the best case scenario right now is that you're frantically chasing after a disinterested convicted criminal who has been lying to you. Get a fucking grip woman, book into counselling and stop trying to invite problems into your life and, worse, your child's life.

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 15/12/2024 20:35

@TheNewSchmoo
We never followed each other on insta

OP posts:

TheNewSchmoo · 15/12/2024 20:32

Of course you didn't block him but left one open. You love the drama.

Seriously, you have a child, grow up, for his sake.

UpUpUpU · 15/12/2024 20:20

Just block and move OP. You sound ridiculous.

Who cares the reason? He is not interested in you and if he has been in prison, run a mile!

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 15/12/2024 18:58

Update :he dm on Instagam as that is a place I didn't block him and we were not following each other.he told me he is in prison for the last 3 weeks.
It seems he is lying as many things don't add up so I am getting even more closure now.
Apparently he has a phone there where his friend smuggled it in visiting room.
A man will go to many lengths to lie,
3 weeks is when he started acting distant and leaving me on read but when we spoke 2 weeks ago he said he is at home.

OP posts:

Mmhmmn · 12/12/2024 10:06

Ugh that’s horrible. It is a good thing that you’re at least aware of it now. You could get some counselling for it as it’s obviously having a big negative impact and has implications for future relationships. Would be good to talk through and explore reasons for it and how to work on it to avoid repeating that dynamic over and over.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/12/2024 10:00

I think you should take men off the agenda for a while, a long while, spend some time with friends and work on yourself to ask why you only go for this type of bloke. It's certainly not making you happy

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 12/12/2024 09:57

Mmhmmn · 12/12/2024 09:48

He’s not that into you. I would let that be your closure and move on. If a guy likes you enough, you won’t feel confused. It’s just not a good move to chase this sort of guy, it’ll leave you feeling all over the place.

Yes and he played the whole I am obsessed with you game in the begining, asking everyday to meet me even though we had set up a date already.
At first I didn't like him and I have been trying to go back to why I didn't, cause they were reasons.
When he pulled away then I felt very Interested which says a few things about me and the things I should work on.
This is a repeat thing that happens to me including my ex husband and every boyfriend I ever had.

OP posts:

GRex · 12/12/2024 09:57

Good decision to block him. Men who are interested will message you. If they don't, keep dating new ones until you find one who does, then is worth putting decent effort into figuring out whether you like them or not.

Mmhmmn · 12/12/2024 09:49

BeAzureNewt · 12/12/2024 09:45

@Swiftie1878
The only way to meet him would have been for me to ask him to meet and given all the rest would be too much effort from me.Now he is removed from everything and I feel much better ,I am reflecting on the situation but I wouldn't take him back .if me and him got into a relationship I would be constantly anxious and insecure and fear when he is going to disappear again.
When I like someone I put my boundaries down and this is what always happens,when I am chill I have men pursuing me a lot because I keep my boundaries in place.

That’s good 👍

Mmhmmn · 12/12/2024 09:48

He’s not that into you. I would let that be your closure and move on. If a guy likes you enough, you won’t feel confused. It’s just not a good move to chase this sort of guy, it’ll leave you feeling all over the place.

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 12/12/2024 09:45

@Swiftie1878
The only way to meet him would have been for me to ask him to meet and given all the rest would be too much effort from me.Now he is removed from everything and I feel much better ,I am reflecting on the situation but I wouldn't take him back .if me and him got into a relationship I would be constantly anxious and insecure and fear when he is going to disappear again.
When I like someone I put my boundaries down and this is what always happens,when I am chill I have men pursuing me a lot because I keep my boundaries in place.

OP posts:

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 12/12/2024 09:40

@StrikeForever
I wasn't being cold deliberately but he started first and I tried to not much his energy and that made me feel like a fool.
He left me on read, didn't reply to my good morning text but liked my story ,a week later I text a friendly how are you and he only replied next day after he saw my fb story.
In my mind he saw the story by mistake and replied out of politeness so it would be too much to show enthusiasm after him treating me like this.
If he was doing it because I upset him he should have communicated with me ,since he didn't I made my conclusions.

OP posts:

StrikeForever · 11/12/2024 19:48

BeAzureNewt · 09/12/2024 10:30

@Fraaahnces
I don't know to be honest cause I am cold with him in convo as well.
A couple of misunderstandings have happened on my side but we never discussed them.

Too much game playing. It sounds like the problems have been created by both if you being deliberately ‘cold’ 🙄

Bangolads · 11/12/2024 19:32

Okay, so this is the rule. If someone wants you they come and get you. That might be sending you messages, arranging to meet you and making plans. If they are not doing these things, they don’t want to be with you. Accept this and set yourself free.

Swiftie1878 · 11/12/2024 16:18

Oh my life!
what a ridiculous way to conduct a relationship - liking stories, texting, blocking, unblocking…

Meet the guy and TALK to each other. Then decide what you both want to do. End of.

BlastedPimples · 11/12/2024 13:01

BeAzureNewt · 09/12/2024 14:29

@OpalMaker
I wasas I didnt have verbal communication with him to explain at all.
All advice I get is actions speak for themselves, if he wanted he would and that I should play cool and distant ,not show him I care and all that.
This guy chased me really hard in the beginning and he would text even when at work ,text immediately after seeing my stories,ask all the time to meet me and so on.
Then I showed interest back and he became responsive but stopped chasing.
So me crossing his mind when he likes my stories and not text is a change in behaviour.
I used to text him every week and now it's first time I haven't done anything.
And it doesn't matter as I cut all contact finally as people are right if there is genuine interest I would know it by now.

People do chase and lay it on thick with lots of texts, calls, grand gestures.

Then they take it away again very quickly when they capture your interest.

So they are like emotional vampires. Just looking for their next fix. This man had had his fix from you and is now onto the next person.

Now you know you can swerve the next bloke is over the top or blowing hot and cold.

You need someone who is calm, consistently interested but not over the top with comms.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 11/12/2024 12:30

I just knew there'd be a child in the midst of this ridiculous twaddle.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 11/12/2024 12:20

Sorry OP but I think he's either not interested or playing a rather unpleasant game with you. I'd drop him now.

chattyness · 11/12/2024 12:16

This sounds like utter hell to me, the way to stop is just stop, you have to for your own sanity. Find someone you can talk to and be with in real life and stop reading into things posted on stupid social media where nobody is ever the real deal, that really seems to be the killer of relationships these days.
Facebook, instagram, tik tok ,dating apps etc are just dirty shallow ponds where poisonous scum & infectious diseases exist, thrive & infect your mind.
I'm so glad I met my husband before mobile phones had really taken off. He had one I didn't and then when I did get one we never texted each other, always called.

WeArentInKansas · 11/12/2024 12:02

Been dating someone that's been hot and cold.

This is your answer. He's not v. interested. move on

SleepPrettyDarling · 11/12/2024 11:59

‘Cold’ communication (ie none) is more telling than ‘hot’ communication.

Look up some CBT techniques to help you with a more healthy emotional response.