Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

537 replies

Biggergirl16 · 09/12/2024 09:40

To preface the thread, when me and my husband met I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one. His response was “bigger girls like you…..” my face immediately dropped and he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He immediately started back tracking saying he didn’t mean I was fat etc. He has never really commented on my weight before, and I’m under no illusions that I’m “small” but I have recently already lost some weight and was feeling good about myself again. I just can’t look at him the same, it’s completely given me the ick. We were already going through a bit of a rough patch with work pressure, small children etc. I feel this has put the nail in the coffin of our already fledging sex life. He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and I just felt nothing but repulsion. Can I recover from this?!

OP posts:
Fevertreelover · 09/12/2024 17:50

User19876536484 · 09/12/2024 14:21

I’m in Southeast Asia. You would have your own post code.

Edited
Show quote history

😂

another1bitestheduck · 09/12/2024 17:49

BunnyLake · 09/12/2024 17:32

Sensible hips, what a strange expression 😁

My friend is a ‘big girl’ (well she’s a grown woman) but that’s because she’s taller and broader than me. I think it’s giving you the ick because you’re already unhappy with him.

Show quote history

hips that don't lie, presumably, (or stay out late or drink too much) 😁
sometimes accompanied by breasts that are small and humble, not to be confused with big mountains....

WWHRD · 09/12/2024 17:49

Kind of sounds like you were building up to some pass remarkable judgemental comments about your fitter/gym going friends and c-sections and got a confronted with a judgement you didn't like in return? Reap what you sow and all that?

Lucy25 · 09/12/2024 17:47

BunnyLake · 09/12/2024 17:37

Put it in the bin where it deserves to be.

The irony of some posters on here calling him out, who then go on to make unpleasant and bitchy remarks about other women. 🤦‍♀️

Show quote history

Exactly.

Lucy25 · 09/12/2024 17:45

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:57

It's even easier to spot those who are bitchy
And no, I'm not overweight
There's a huge difference between healthy and stick insect

Show quote history

Comparing someone who’s slim (who are you to say if the person is healthy) to a stick insect is being bitchy and projecting your own insecurities onto others.If you’re comfortable with who you are, why feel the need to say this.

BunnyLake · 09/12/2024 17:37

ELMhouse · 09/12/2024 15:13

That’s rude! I am slim and have never been blessed with curves, hurtful to think I resemble an adolescent boy! Not sure what to do with that commemt now 😪

Show quote history

Put it in the bin where it deserves to be.

The irony of some posters on here calling him out, who then go on to make unpleasant and bitchy remarks about other women. 🤦‍♀️

Jgf88 · 09/12/2024 17:36

Hey, I'm really sorry that your husband said that about you, especially infront of other people, really tactless and inappropriate. Don't listen to the ones on here saying you overreacted because you didn't. All that matters is how it made you feel, not anybody else, its none of their business to judge you about your own feelings. Doesn't matter how he feels either. If it has made you feel bad, then it has, it's that simple. Take back power and allow yourself to feel the way you feel, you are allowed to feel whatever you want and to tell someone they have upset you, you are a human being and are allowed to feel, we are not robots. Always go with your gut. I hope this helps you. Xx

BunnyLake · 09/12/2024 17:32

LadyKenya · 09/12/2024 09:58

What are sensible adult woman shaped hips? I have read some things on here, but that is just off the wall.

Show quote history

Sensible hips, what a strange expression 😁

My friend is a ‘big girl’ (well she’s a grown woman) but that’s because she’s taller and broader than me. I think it’s giving you the ick because you’re already unhappy with him.

LetsNCagain · 09/12/2024 17:26

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:57

It's even easier to spot those who are bitchy
And no, I'm not overweight
There's a huge difference between healthy and stick insect

Show quote history

So it's ok to call thinner women inhuman names like "stick insect" but not to call less-thin women neutral factual words like "bigger"?

Make it make sense.

If a woman is slim she ceases to be a woman is that it? A stick insect, "an adolescent boy"?!

A woman is a woman, not a stick insect. She also isn't any less of a woman for having a c-section, either

Edited to be less ranty

ZoeLoey · 09/12/2024 17:25

Lose all the weight. Meet someone else.

SeanMean · 09/12/2024 17:23

He hasn’t said anything wrong, it was factual.

niadainud · 09/12/2024 17:23

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:57

It's even easier to spot those who are bitchy
And no, I'm not overweight
There's a huge difference between healthy and stick insect

Show quote history

If someone is, as you put it, a stick insect, the chances are quite high that they could have a physical and/or psychological disorder, so it seems rather churlish (or indeed bitchy) to use such terms to describe them.

GreyCarpet · 09/12/2024 17:22

SkunderlaiSkendi · 09/12/2024 17:19

Size 14 to 16 isnt big

Your husband is a knob

No but someone who is a size 14 - 16 is bigger than someone who is size 6-8.

It's is a relative term.

StrikeForever · 09/12/2024 17:21

I understand why it would ‘push your buttons’, but he didn’t say you were fat and at a size 14/16, you’re not fat. Being a bigger girl (bigger than a skinny girl - none of these descriptions are helpful) is only negative if you think it’s negative. I am a bigger girl, but I don’t see it as negative. I have never seen myself as small and delicate. In that respect I do think YABU, but I understand your sensitivity about it.

SkunderlaiSkendi · 09/12/2024 17:19

Size 14 to 16 isnt big

Your husband is a knob

2025istheyear · 09/12/2024 17:09

We are what we are. You made the judgement first in relation to your friends.

ByHardyAquaFox · 09/12/2024 17:05

OP, your appalling behaviour is exactly the attitude that gets people to demonise women on bigger sizes.
Your total inability to deal with a somewhat awkward remark from your husband gives fuel for all those bastards who enjoy poking fun to overweight women.
You should be ashamed of yourself.

MrsB74 · 09/12/2024 17:01

RabbitsRock · 09/12/2024 09:55

WalterdelaMare 14 isn’t big!

That depends on your height, build etc. For some it would be, for others it wouldn’t. She was used to being a 10, so 14 would feel quite big.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/12/2024 16:58

Makingchocolatecake · 09/12/2024 16:57

It's just his way of saying I have curvy/womanly hips. He likes them so it's not weird.

Show quote history

It's a bit weird.

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:57

niadainud · 09/12/2024 14:35

It's very easy to spot the posters on this thread who are overweight.

Show quote history

It's even easier to spot those who are bitchy
And no, I'm not overweight
There's a huge difference between healthy and stick insect

Makingchocolatecake · 09/12/2024 16:57

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/12/2024 16:54

Why? Confused Why on EARTH does your husband regularly say 'you have birthing hips?!'

What a weird and batshit thing for a man to keep saying to his wife.

Show quote history

It's just his way of saying I have curvy/womanly hips. He likes them so it's not weird.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/12/2024 16:54

Makingchocolatecake · 09/12/2024 16:52

My husband regularly says I have 'birthing hips'. It doesn't bother me because I do.

Why? Confused Why on EARTH does your husband regularly say 'you have birthing hips?!'

What a weird and batshit thing for a man to keep saying to his wife.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/12/2024 16:52

Radamanth · 09/12/2024 16:11

10.5 stone at 5' 7" isn't tiny by any metric. It's not even that slim. I'm 9 stone 10ish at 5' 8" and not super-slender.

I was 7 stone 10 for years, until about 30, 8 stone 7 after children, now 9 10, I could definitely drop a stone without looking the mythical MN 'gaunt'.

I have a very healthy relationship with food. Always have.

Who said 10 and a half stone at 5 ft 7 was 'tiny' FFS?! Hmm WTF are you on about?

Bully for YOU for being such a teeny tiny though! 😂

So much projection going on on this thread. 🙄

.

Makingchocolatecake · 09/12/2024 16:52

My husband regularly says I have 'birthing hips'. It doesn't bother me because I do.

Anywherebuthere · 09/12/2024 16:47

Coffeecakelatte · 09/12/2024 13:41

Being a size 10 doesn't mean that you don't have shape, or hips. I'm a size 8-10, more 10 atm, and I'm a pear shape, have hips and a small waist. We are all different shapes and sizes; weight does not change your natural shape, it just emphasises/adds to it. It isn't either or. Your pelvis can either fit a baby through, or it can't, and there are other varying factors such a baby size etc as well.

If I could go back I would have opted for c section, and not have allowed myself to be bullied into VBs, like it is some sort of badge of honour. I would have done so because of having traumatic long labours that were induced, failed epidurals, babies in SCBU, not because of any birthing issues (Thankfully that was the one part that went right).

Edited
Show quote history

I agree. There are all sorts of reasons why people have the births they do with varied shapes and sizes.