My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

@Onceachunkymonkey She was a 14 here, I read several interviews about it and it stood out in my mind, because in her words "people are always shocked to find out"

What on earth has been fit got to do with having a C-section. My eldest was breach so I had a C-section, how on earth would the fact I’m a size 12 influence that 🤣🤣🤣
aside from that though yeah I probably would be offended too, although I guess he didn’t mean to hurt you and maybe wasn’t thinking. I’m guessing you are sensitive about this issue so maybe you need to sit down and address it with him.

I think those are your feelings that you are projecting onto your husband and that's not fair to him. You are bigger than you used to be and that's not necessarily a bad thing, not unless it's affecting your health. Take the chip off your shoulder and address your real issue which is with Your own self image.

Your last line is totally at odds with the rest of your post...

Yeah I wondered if he meant this - are you tall OP?

I have a couple of incredibly thin friends but they are tall, so probably quite big boned compared to me who is of petite height. They all had very quick and easy vaginal labours!

It wouldn't bother me that much as I know I am (similarly 8-10 all my life til IVF and kids and now a big 14. Tbf I gave birth easily and am built for it, it seems. Husband more into me now though so maybe that helps me feel less annoyed)

He gave you the ick?! You are the one that has gained a heap of weight

I don’t understand why people skirt around these issues - some partners will not like it if you gain weight and that is their right despite what the ‘thought police’ in here might say!

My own DP has also gained a substantial amount of weight since I met him but luckily it hasn’t given me the ick!

Not for the first time…I said I was a ‘big 14’, meaning I was definitely at the upper end of a 14 and skating close to a 16.

I realise a 14 is not big or fat for many that size, but my BMI at that size was 29, so a smidge away from the obese range.

It’s such a mumsnet comment isn’t it? 😂

That’s such a gutting thing to hear, especially when you were feeling good about yourself. I think the first thing to recognize is that this is about how you feel, not just what he said. It’s clear his comment hit a nerve, especially if you were already feeling vulnerable or dealing with other stresses in your marriage. It’s completely understandable that it’s shaken you.

That said, it might help to take a moment to unpack why his words hurt so much. Is it because you feel he’s noticing something you’ve been insecure about, or because it confirmed a fear that he might see you differently? Often, these feelings are less about the words themselves and more about what they seem to imply.

From what you’ve written, it sounds like he’s trying to backtrack because he realized what a colossal foot-in-mouth moment he had. Men can be utterly clueless sometimes when it comes to understanding how sensitive certain comments can be. His "bigger girls like you..." line may have been less about criticizing you and more a terribly clumsy way of making a point about fitness and C-sections, but that doesn’t make it less painful for you to hear.

If you want to try to recover from this, it’ll take a proper conversation—not a “you hurt me” standoff, but an open talk about how his words made you feel. Tell him that while you know you’re not the same size as 17 years ago, you’ve been working hard, and his comment made you feel unattractive and unappreciated, especially when you’ve already been struggling. He may not realize the full impact of what he said until you spell it out for him.

As for the ick—you’re feeling it now, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. The ick often comes from a mix of emotional hurt and pride being wounded. Time, apologies, and him making an effort to show he truly values and desires you can help. But if this is part of a broader pattern where you’re feeling unsupported or unloved, it might be worth exploring that together (or even with a therapist). The fact that this came at a low point in your relationship suggests there’s more going on than just this one comment.

Finally, give yourself grace here. You’ve grown and changed over 17 years, and your body has done a lot—children, work, life stress—it’s all in there. You’re making steps to feel good about yourself again, and that’s for you. Whether or not you can recover from this as a couple, don’t let his clumsy words derail the progress you’re making for your own well-being. You’re more than a number on a label, and his opinion—however stupidly worded—isn’t the full measure of your worth

Exactly!! Saying that 14 is big, is a bit of an insult to those of us who are an 18 or more. Total overreaction I think.

But you are bigger. He’s clearly stating fact. Size 14-16 is bigger than a size 10

A ‘big 14’ - really? That’s not big. Pretty insulting to the average size woman.

Having had 2 sections myself for medical reasons which threatened mine and my babies health I can tell you for nothing that you have to beg for such a procedure. They aren’t given out like sweets and recovery on the other side takes the piss. I have a genetic tail bone and pelvis issue which was dismissed the first time round and despite telling them that nobody on my maternal side had given birth the natural way ever, I wouldn’t be able to give birth naturally. I was in active labour for 55 hours before they realised I was right. I nearly lost my son. Second time I saw an awful consultant who wanted me to have a Vbac. He hadn’t taken the time to read my previous notes and pushed and pushed until I made a complaint and stood my ground. I got an elective section with my second. My colleague had her DD a week after I had my son and she was a previous size 8 but carried small and neat and pushed out her DD who was 10lb so the skinny gym Minnie’s and section comparison isn’t really a thing here.
Im a size 10 but have broad shoulders and stupid DD boobs. My DH has always said I’m bigger than other girls despite my actual dress size being on the smaller side. I’m sports mad and bulky with boobs. I’m not fat or bigger in that respect.

I agree.

Um, ok?

Im glad someone else noticed this too…. 😄

A size 14 here and had to have a c-sections, my bigger hips made no difference when it came to giving birth yet a lot of people assume smaller people would need help. It’s not always the case and I think you both made assumptions here and you’ve taken his comment the wrong way and got pissed.

Are your a psychologist. Hit the Damn nail right on the head!
I thought that was a pretty innapropriate comment to make about her "friends" also.

I wouldn't be impressed by that either tbh I was slimmer when I met by DH but he has never said to be bigger girl or big girls

Sadly men do have a habit of saying things the wrong way all the time

You're over reacting. You said due to ongoing issues so you are sensitive and looking for ammunition.
Drop it and look to fix your relationship.

Would you react this way if you weren't already having a rough patch? It was thoutless but I couldn't get this upset over it personally

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one.

OP, I cannot really imagine discussing other women's births with my (then) DH. But in any case you did mention it, and what I think you intended was to gain some praise through comparing yourself to them favourably whilst hinting at their collective failure to birth naturally by singling yourself out. This didn't work as you intended because your DH clumsily compared too. Except you didn't like his version and are now upset your thinly veiled attempts to bolster your own ego backfired.

@JHound Pay for any complications you have now or in the future because of your weight yourself then because it's unsustainable to keep loading the cost of obesity on the NHS at a rate of about £6.5bn per year.

And when you do, fine it's no one else's buisness. But don't take offence at anyone making statements of fact. As I said in a previous post, my DD commented that I was short and fat in a spanish piece she was writing for school. I routinely wear size 14 tho have lost about 1 stone and a half. It's true. I am short and fat.

Who do we need to be held to account by?

My weight and my body is my business and my business alone.