My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

Reminded of the John Cannan interview with the dating agency.

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Men don't think like women. You're bigger than your friends, that's just a fact. He didn't mean you're enormous. The problem is that some really fat people call themselves 'bigger women' and that's not accurate. So when you heard him say that your mind went to he thinks I'm enormous. A 14-16 not long after having several kids is completely normal and was completely normal even 30 years ago. Women need to give themselves a break. A lot of us go up a few sizes in the child bearing years. Things change as kids get older for most. I'm tired of people denying this is a thing and not cutting women a bit of slack for it. Our hormones don't go back to normal for a long time after birth among so many other things. Men have no such excuses. Their hormones don't fluctuate even slightly as much and they don't do anything to contribute to the bearing of children. They're more muscular too. Society needs to wind its neck in with regard to women that are in the process of making their families.

If he'd said 'I'm just lucky that I have a wife with good child-bearing hips' would you have been as upset? I reckon that was the way he was meaning bigger and not size 15 from size 10. Could that be it? He has really hurt your feelings and you have reacted by turning your back literally and hurting his feelings too. If you really think he wanted to humiliate you then punish him by all means but if not then please give the guy some grace!

FFS!! Size 14 is NOT big!!! 🙄
I was happily that size for years but now older and in poor health I have to take several medications, some of which are well known to cause weight increase, and over the last few years I have crept up to a size 22... which, believe me, is BIG!! 😱
I cannot exercise and don't overeat or snack so weight loss is virtually impossible (not prepared to start jabbing myself with unregulated and expensive diabetes meds like so many are recklessly doing! 😳) so please, be grateful to be a 14 which I would give anything to be, even a 16/18 would be great as I could wear all the lovely clothes in my wardrobe that I can only look longingly at now!! 😢

I really don't think he meant anything derogatory.. he wasn't saying your size was a bad thing. He was just saying what he thought was factual about giving birth. I have lived with remarks about my weight for years . What he said wasn't unkind.. and he immediately realised it would be upsetting to you. If he has never said anything before let it go. It was an I'll judged remark about c sections. Not a comment about your weight.

Feel you are maybe over reacting.
Look, his comment was factually correct as I think you accept.

But, he had the sense, the presence to realise it was an unfortunate remark, which he didn't even finish. Unlike the majority of dp, who mn complain about.

How many of us have voiced possibly unfortunate remarks, but this happens in relationships. Which is how they grow, develope.

If I look at mn, a very large nbr of posts are about dh, dp and not just their inadequacies, but attitudes.

I think you should just let this run.
If the 'big girl quote" comes up again I should smile and say "that's the problem for we b.g's, small men tend to be inadequate.

Hi, I'm a man, but don't hold that against me. 🫣

I don't think that it was a "very smart" remark by your husband, but it appears (to me) to have been a one-off "slip of the tongue" - albeit thoughtless of him - but TBH not really (IMO) a "relationship killer" in itself (at least not "just" for that - though you do seem to "imply" other possible problems - so is this really just "the last straw" that's triggering you?)

So yes YABU taking your post at face value - so please don't rush into (or out of!) anything that you may regret.

Hope it all works out for you, whatever you decide ❤️‍🩹

Jim

P.S. You could always start every sentence to him with "Hey Pencil Dick".... 😈

I’m a small woman , 3 completely straightforward vaginal deliveries with my children.
I have a fairly small frame I guess but I suppose my hips wide enough to deliver all 3 average size babies .
Now I’m older I need to wear size 10-12 despite only weighing 55 kilos because of stupid E or F cup boobs and having very annoying IBS tummy that goes up and down in size .
I think your husband’s choice of wording was poor but I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings .
also size 14 is pretty average in my opinion

You are bigger than you were. He's stating the obvious.

Not like he was saying it insulting or in a derogatory way.

You've gained some weight and are trying to pretend it doesn't show. He has noticed and it acknowledging it in a completely normal way.

Sounds like you got fat.

This!

You’re assuming, that someone who’s say 5 ft 7, is automatically going to have bigger hips than someone who is 5ft 3 so will have an easier time giving birth.Again absolute rubbish, l’m sorry just can’t continue this conversation with you.Not quite sure why you need to justify someone being overweight.

But I didn't mean "big boned" as a euphemism for being fat. I mean some people genuinely have a bigger skeleton than other people - it's not an insult.

I could have a tiny skeleton and be overweight and someone could be tall with big bones and be skinny. I know people say "big boned" as a way for meaning fat, but that's not what I meant in my comment.

Studies have shown there is a difference - taller people or people with wider hipped skeletons have an easier time giving birth vaginally. Nothing to do with how fat, thin or fit they are, just bone structure

There’s loads of shorter people who are broad, l guess, ‘well built’ could be said bigger framed, if tall people are ‘big boned’ that’s just another way of saying the person is overweight, why dress it up, same with shorter people.
Sorry but your comment was laughable.
So many comments on this thread, normalising being overweight, if someone says you’re big, they mean you’re overweight I don’t recollect op saying how tall she is, many have asked is she tall, she would have said if she was by now.
Everyone’s shape is obviously different, if someone is short and a size 16, you are going to look heavier and that’s not because they’re big boned, studies don’t need to prove this, l don’t need to look this up.Another comment that keeps on giving, of course not everyone has the same size skeleton🙄

The fact he backtracked when he saw you didn’t like it tells me he wasn’t trying to deliberately hurt you.
I am used to being called big. It doesn’t matter if I’m slimmer or heavier because I’m tall I’m always referred to as big! bloody annoying though it’s not very flattering is it?

You are BU it seems that nobody can make a comment without it being considered offensive nobody is perfect.

There's actually studies on this! Taller people are bigger boned, wider pelvis and less likely to need C-sections! It's not rubbish, look it up.

Not everyone has the same size skeleton. My feet are barely a size 3 and hands only fit in kids gloves... Everyone's skeleton is a different size. Generally taller = bigger bones

Not saying it excuses it but was he trying to put you in your place? As it sounds a bit of an ignorant comment to suggest that going to the gym makes ladies less likely to need a caesarean due to all the complexities of child birth and varied reasons for needing a caesarean.

I managed to give birth to a 9lber while being 8 stone.

I don't know why it's odd for fit people to have c sections though? What were their reasons for having them?

I think it's very hurtful and surely he must know this. Is he usually insensitive. I would really hate that. It's also an idiotic thing to say - is he suggesting that some women are too small to have natural births? Do you have wide hips/broad shoulders?

friends who are incredibly thin! Who are probably quite big boned, because they’re tall! I mean just why😂what a load of old💩

You have already said you are under no illusions that you're small so what's the issue, is it because the truth hurts? You stated your friends are fit so maybe follow suit, get fitter and lose weight.

Sadly the truth is the truth, there is only one truth and the truth doesn't change no matter how much you want it to becuase its the truth.

The only one who can do something to change it is you either lose weight, or don't but if you don't then just accept "you're a bigger girl".

I think no one likes to hear the word “big” but did you let him clarify what he meant? When I was in labour with my first my midwife said “A big woman like you shouldn’t be having this much trouble delivering” … meaning I was tall with child bearing hips apparently (I was offended though!)

it’s just a thoughtless comment and he’s tried to make it up by giving you a cuddle. Yes it may be annoying but I think it’s a bit much to give you the permanent “ick” let him know he’s hurt your feelings, then forget it and move on.

Forgot to add..