My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

Whether a 14-16 is 'big' or not will completely depend on that person's height, and also where they buy their clothes.

It's really not big.

I’m sorry you went through an eating disordered but 14 is big. And that’s just fact. It’s not necessarily fat but it is big. And pretending it’s not isn’t going to stop anorexia.

'So being size 14-16 is sensible though likely put women in the overweight category or more.'...'overweight' FFS!!! You say this sooo casually and this is the basis of the problem!🙄
Women sadly have been brainwashed into the idea that 'perfection' is for an adult woman's to have the body of a teenager (oh except for the massive boobs of course!) and anything over a size 8 is considered gross or even worse 'fat'. 😠
This total and encouraged obsession with 'skinniness' has led to a huge rise in anorexia and many young girls (and boys) being clinically depressed because they simply cannot attain these impossible ideals of body weight and size, their self confidence is shattered and their feeling of 'self worth' on the floor! 😥
This desperately needs to stop but unfortunately with the advent of online influence growing exponentially as it has (TikToc etc) the chances of this happening are probably zero and girls and women will continue to have for role models images of women who can only maintain their tiny skeletal frames by hardly or not eating or photos that have been heavily 'photoshopped' constantly shoved in their faces...😱

Aww I can totally relate but it doesn’t sound like he was being cruel. In life we all gonna hurt the ones we love. If I were you I would just be open as you are here, that it’s hurtful and you’re not satisfied sexually, not feeling good, trying to lose weight, it sounds like this was just a nail in a coffin, as you said, there are other things going on that made this more painful.

It's a bit of a subtle distinction to be sure.
Maybe an easier way to avoid it is for OP to avoid musing in front of her DH about anything that could lead to discussion of her physique compared to her friends.

But she didn't say teeny tiny. She said fit and strong.

I guess the point is that you were comparing people who work out and are strong and fit with someone who is more sedentary, you did NOT mention appearance (which isn't related to strength- im slim due to stress but very unfit at the moment!) but he immediately went to comparing you and your friends appearances. Explain to him that part was inappropriate and hurtful.

Vinted classifies a size 14 as XL which was a bit of a shock to me .
Deciding if a size 14 is big depends very much on perspective and is a subjective measure.

If you can pinch visible fat and your waist is more than 31 inches ( sadly yes for me for both of those) then it's likely you could do with losing a bit of weight.

This
Also, he realises that his comments (unintentional) hurt you and wanted to cuddle you in bed that night. That speaks volumes.
Good luck with your progressive weight loss journey and great that you are feeling good about yourself. Long may it continue!

Ek it's tough to hear but you said yourself you're a size 14 which is big. But big women are attractive to men too and your husband obviously doesn't have a problem with you being big. So not sure why you have the ick. Is it because you hoped he saw you a slimmer women even though you're obviously not?

I understand how hurtful it is when you're struggling to lose weight and a blunt/clumsy comment from your partner knocks you back. I went up 2 dress sizes after having my daughter and after returning to work a year later I received dozens of well meaning but upsetting remarks from colleagues in the large organisation I work for congratulating me on being pregnant again!! I would get embarrassed and deny I was pregnant, just eaten a big lunch etc.

That was bad enough, but one day my DH grabbed me playfully around the waste from behind and jokingly jiggled my big stomach with his hands, and I immediately got upset with him - I think we expect our partners to be our champions/ towers of strength, and when they do or say anything that highlights our weaknesses we feel extremely vulnerable, as who else can we get the support we need from? Vanity isn't something men are so hung up about so don't always understand how we feel, and some just don't know what to say or how to behave sometimes - but they are the ones like yours and mine who are the most supportive overall, and the fact that he read your expression and adjusted what he was going to say showed he knew immediately he had boobed, and is sorry and wants to make you realise he loves you as you are.😀

I don’t actually consider 14 big, just average.

Most people don't use the term 'natural birth' any more. They might talk about 'normal' or 'physiological' birth which pisses people off even more.

But saying vaginal birth is both 'normal' and 'natural' is both accurate and not actually a value judgement. Give it another few years and vaginal birth won't be 'normal' any more because the caesarean rate is increasing further and faster than ever before. At least in the UK.

"Pain relief, instruments, episiotomy, antibiotics, etc. Even if you didn't use them, they were there as backup, and thank god they were."

For a while now people in the maternity sphere have raised concerns about rocketing rates of intervention in birth, and they're right to do so. If rates of induction and unplanned caesarean are going through the roof and it's not been accompanied by a significant improvement in maternal and infant outcomes then that's a problem. That's not a moral judgement and no woman should feel victimised by that discussion. The focus in these discussions in on how care is delivered, not on the birth choices or experiences of individual women.

"Without intravenous antibiotics, I'd have died of sepsis after my first birth. So would many other mums. So, kindly FO with "natural birth"

I was poorly with an infection following my first birth too. On reflection having my waters broken because of the very slow progress I made in my labour after having an epidural, followed by multiple vaginal examinations by an ever changing parade of staff, finishing with a forceps delivery - because by that time I was too knackered to push and stuck on my back, might have played some role in this. For my next two births I stayed at home. A lot of the problems women have emerging from their births, particularly infections, unplanned caesareans, antibiotic use and instrumental care, are linked to the way care is delivered in hospital.

He didn't call you fat so I think you're over reacting slightly. By 'bigger' could he have meant you're taller, or slightly heavier than the others, but not in a nasty way, meaning they're slight petite women or maybe he thinks they're under weight & that you're bigger, meaning healthier. I wouldn't take offence as he obviously finds you attractive if he's wanting cuddles in bed still. Try not to think to much into it & have confidence in yourself.

This is abusive. Life is short, you don't need to stay with someone so awful.

I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

He didn’t say anything wrong—you are bigger.

The real question is: are you happy with your current size and embracing it, or do you want to make a change?

I think your self esteem is low. I think you were having a little dig about your friends having c sections and it majorly ended up backfiring on you. I am classed as a petite gym goer I’m a size 8 and workout 4/5 times a week.

I have 4 children first birth was natural but lots of complications so next 3 were c sections due to this. So slim girls are capable of having a natural birth. And regardless how the baby got here as long as mum and baby are safe that’s all that matters.

You can tell him how much it’s upset you so he knows what’s going on. You can then decide what you want to do for you whether that’s loose weight or if you’re happy to remain as you are. But only do that for yourself.

The person who is meant to love you most in the world tells you this? Does it make you feel good?

He sounds absolutely horrible and not amazing at all.

OPs DH made a factual remark not realising this is apparently a cardinal error, yours is deliberately insulting and belittling you.

Wow shaming women for their hip size,

So being size 14-16 is sensible though likely put women in the overweight category or more. But if size 8, more likely healthy BMi resemble an adolescent boy, wow

Well you clearly don't have a chip or chips on your shoulder do you?

She was by default...🙄

She wasn’t judging their physique, only hers.

All the 5.4” size 16 posters will love reading your judgement of their physique.

Yay for women lifting up women.