My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

I think you were hurt because the reality is, you were being catty about your friends from a place of your own insecurity about not being as fit as them. You reacted to his comment as you did because you were being nasty about others to make yourself feel better and it backfired.

This. ^ I'm surprised at the reactions on this thread, and also the poll result. This would piss me off massively @Biggergirl16 and really hurt my feelings too. 14-16 isn't even that big!

At least you know what he thinks of you. That's you're too 'big!'

I have been between 8 and a half and 15 stone for the 35+ years I have known my DH (currently somewhere in the middle,) and he has always loved me no matter what my size, and fancied me, and complimented me. I would look at him in a totally different way if he had ever called me a 'bigger girl.'

In the real world most women would be upset by this. Parallel world of Mumsnet and all that...

I mean it's a bit much to leave him because of a clumsy and rude remark, but let him know that you were very hurt by it. Your 'bigger girl' body has given him children FFS!

It can be extremely difficult to know how to phrase these things, which is why many of us would avoid such conversations if at all possible.

Personally, I think you are being just a shade oversensitive although I understand how it feels. Maybe I am just a bit too used to being a "bigger woman" though, as I am unfortunately quite a bit bigger than you and have a daunting journey ahead to lose enough weight. I'd be delighted to join you at a size 14-16 but it's a little way off for me yet. I've also had people being a lot more tactless than your DH was, including a few in my own family. So I probably judge it differently to you.

I did think I might object to being called a girl (I'm 58) but when I think about it DH and I refer to the"the girls" or "the boys" regularly. It doesn't bother either of us.

I'd say you can come back from this. Talk to him.

Well you are bigger than when you first got together and there’s a fairly decent chance that in the context of the conversation he actually meant taller, wider pelvis etc. and it was a comparison you brought up by talking about your friends’ bodies and their mode of delivery compared to yours. This isn’t something to be upset/angry about at all let alone still simmering over it a day later. If it helps my DH called me ‘big’ once and he definitely just meant tall, which I am but I’m also very slim so it was obvious he didn’t mean fat or anything, and like your example it was all about context because it was in a ski rental shop where I needed bigger skis than ‘small’ SIL. It was nothing more than just an unfortunate turn of phrase.

And if you put the question to your husband the way you did here, you framed yourself to him as the 'unfit' one in your peer group, which perhaps helps explain why he answered as he did
Yes I thought this as soon as I read the OP. Basically OP saying ooh I wonder why I didn't need a c section when all my thin, fit friends did immediately draws the mind to that sort of comparison

Exactly.

I think you are deeply unsecure about your body and wanted to feel better about yourself by saying 'look all those women spending time in gym and still having c-section!', but that backfired.

You are bigger compared to super fit gym goers

The OPs issue is her own weight gain

Yeah I'd wonder this too? It's badly worded but he could have just meant "body more suitable for childbirth"
I'm tall and fairly robust lol, size 12 at my slimmest (currently 14) so would probably fit into this definition.
Although I'd also be hurt at being called a "bigger girl"...

The reason you're hurt is because you know it's true. I'm sure it wouldn't faze you otherwise.

Being athletic and slimmer is healthier in pregnancy. Plus, the stretching of the hips from movement is great for getting the baby moving. I imagine it just so happens that your friends had c sections and are smaller, not the reason for them.

Hurtful yes, it wouldn't feel nice to hear, but it wouldn't make me be repulsed by him or be a deal breaker or anything like that.

Working with limestone I assume.

I must admit I'm still wondering what a sedimentary job entails. Something geological, presumably.

To be totally honest, in the context of the conversation you were having, I’m not sure he’s actually said anything wrong? You were making the distinction between you & them yourself in saying they were “fit/gym goers” and so you were surprised you were the only one who hadn’t had one, so he was just agreeing with what you had said in his own words?

What a sexist, misogynist woman-hating comment.

How utterly sexist to seek to shame some women for their body shapes. Why on earth would you do that?

And the stupidity of the phrase ' sensible adult shaped hips.' How can hips not be 'sensible' sized??? Who exactly has hips that are not 'sensible'? This makes no sense. This poster makes no sense.

This poster needs to deal with their own issues in a more constructive way rather than writing nonsensical, sexist posts.

Was there something off with his tone that has upset you so much? Because my DH probably would have said “fatties like you” to me, but I wouldn’t be offended because 1) I am fat (size 18) 2) it’s our humour and 3) there wouldn’t be any malice in his tone. He regularly shows me and tells me he’s still attracted to me, despite the fact I was a size 10 when we first met. He supports me if/when I try to lose weight and expresses concern in a supportive way when I make poor health choices. That’s what matters to me.

He’s overweight too (not as much as I am) so perhaps that makes it easier for us to joke about.

Unless your DH said it with malice, I think you’re overreacting.

I think he's touched a nerve and you're feeling upset. You've said you're going through a bad patch and his comment has reinforced those issues you've got.

If you've gone from a 10 to a 14 and are now trying to lose weight that's great.

I doubt your rough patch is because of your size but you've lumped the two things together in your mind.

Maybe work on each of them separately?
Do the weight loss for YOU as it's for your health.
Work on the other marriage issues together.

I think he probably meant you've got good childbearing hips. But I would be upset at being referred to as bigger.

We are all bigger than we were decades ago.

But you said you were a size 10 when you met him. And only put on weight after having children. So him saying 'bigger girls like you' wouldn't make any sense in the context of weight and childbirth because at that point you hadn't put the weight on. Have you got a bigger frame than your friends that had CSections? So he would be referring to you basically having a bigger pelvis that would make childbirth easier? Just ask him, explain its upset you a bit and you'd like an explanation. I think you could have let him finish his sentence before you took such offence though.

Must confess, I'm struggling with OP's choice of BiggerGirl16 as a profile name when she objected so much to the term's use by her husband. 😕

Sedimentary16 would have been a better choice. 😀

This is about how you feel about your body not about how he feels.
You have internalised fat phobia.
Fact of the matter is that you ARE bigger than you used to be.
I am bigger than I used to be. After 3 kids I am now definitely 'fat' It takes a lot of work to have self esteem.. having been a size 10 pre kids. There's a lot of hatred towards bigger people out there despite size 16 actually being the average size of a woman in the UK.
The thing is you don't need to pretend to be thin to be attractive. Your husband clearly loves you. He comes onto you. He wants a physical relationship...
Saying you are bigger is a statement of fact it does not mean he finds you unattractive. It's you who are linking being unattractive with being big.
I understand as it can sometimes get me down as I am a millennial and was brought up thinking you have to be skeletal to be desirable. So sometimes I feel repulsed by my body. I can tell my husband loves me tho.. we have an active sex life he still finds me desirable. He still says I'm beautiful.
Of course I try and eat well and exercise..
But end of the day don't waste your life hating yourself and wishing you were thinner.
Don't take any reference to the fact you've got bigger as some kind of mortal insult.
Don't cause problems in your rely deciding your husband doesn't find you attractive because he called you 'bigger'..
It's just such a waste of time and it stems from your own self esteem.
Being bigger than someone else means nothing about what value you have.

In the last couple of few years the caesarean rate has risen a lot. It's nothing to do with fitness or size at all.

Calling men " boys" is a way of excusing stupid, immature, juvenile behaviour by people who are supposed to be adults.

Calling women " girls" reduces them to children who don't deserve to be considered and respected as adults.

Why would anyone want to be regarded as immature and incapable of acting like an adult?

If OP's DH sees her as a " girl" he must see himself as the one with the power - the adult in the relationship and therefore the one who tells her what to do.

I can see why you're hurt but you kind of led him into it by making a comparison between yourself and slimmer/sporty friends. What did you expect him to say? You put him on the spot a bit. The fact he has never mentioned your weight before suggests he's perfectly happy with you so try not to let it bother you.

It isn't any more acceptable to insult smaller-built women than bigger-built ones.

OP you feel how you feel. You can't help that you've got the ick now.