My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

Yes @pumpkinpillow but I would call big 18/20 which I was

14 is not big

8/10 is slim

The fact he said it wouldn’t necessarily upset me if it were true. But the fact it did hurt your feelings and instead of comforting or reassuring you he just dismissed the conversation and walked off, that would be a red flag for me.

To someone who naturally is a 10 then a 14 would be big.
I am a 10 (or 8 or even 6 in vanity sizing) and would look too big for my frame at a 14.

I wouldn't necessarily think you were being mean to the other women @Biggergirl16 but what were you trying to say when you said

"I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of c-sections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one."

What was your point to saying this?

Being repulsed because he said bigger girls like you seems an overreaction.

He's never commented on your weight before. Sensed you were upset and immediately stopped what he was saying and attempted to remedy the situation. Tried to initiate physical contact (cuddles) to fix the Freudian slip.

If you can't recover from such a minor error (if it even is an error) you must have an extremely brittle spirit.

Most men would have the common sense to know not to say that. Just as women would have the common sense not to mention a small willy, even if it was factual and the man didn't want to be lied to blah blah

This.

You feel hurt as he spoke the Truth as you said you had gained weight and not a 10 anymore

But

He also stopped as soon as reliesed he had upset you

As you were speaking specifically about childbirth and the fact you didn't need a c-section, I think it's glaringly obvious he was referring to your child bearing hips, wider frame. Mentioning your excess weight would have been completely irrelevant in this context.

Fact is you are overweight and are trying to divert from that fact by criticising those who aren't. Seems like you wanted responses saying you're not fat at all and all jumping on criticising your healthy weight friends. But most people are not taking your side. It's far too normal to be overweight these days and so many excuses are made for the reasons why

Do you have sensible adult woman shaped hips?

I have woman shaped hips because I am a woman. I am very slim and sporty and carried and birthed 2 children vaginally.

I am probably not a sensible adult though 😜

No shit.

I said I was a big 14, meaning I was actually squeezing myself into size 14 jeans (and could probably have gone up to a 16).

(This might not be fat on some frames, but it was on me.)

At least you know what he thinks of you. That's you're too 'big!'

You're adding the "too" in yourself though. It's not what he said and who knows what he thinks?

It isn't big. But it's unarguably bigger than 10.

In any case, if the OP's DH still finds her attractive then it doesn't seem hurtful that he does so while simultaneously recognising the reality (which she also acknowledges) that she is bigger than other people including her past self. This seems healthier than if he was in denial and trying to convince himself you were still a size 10.

It was indeed rather insensitive wording and if you'd prefer him not to mention this again, then tell him. If he has an ounce of sensitivity he's already feeling like a right wally. I hope you can get past this.

Yep was reading this post and thought when did 14 mean big

Now what the OP's DH said was pretty rude, but let's not start attacking slightly built women by saying they have bodies like adolescent boys!

Agreed

Evidently, he’s not the only one who has trouble with his phrasing.

I’m under no illusions that I’m “small”

Then why are you upset that someone also remarks that you are not small?

Clearly, your relationship is dead anyway. In a healthy, honest, loving relationship, what your DH 1/2 said would not be a big issue. You'd talk about it and hopefully he'd see that while you know you need and want to lose some weight you don't appreciate being told.

Wtf? My slim 'boy hips' were fine with carrying my baby to full term and giving birth vaginally. Your words are tactless! Wtf are 'sensible adult woman shaped hips'? All women have woman hips because we're women.

So what is the solution ?

End 17 years of marriage and put your kids lives through upheaval over a ten second unguarded lack of thought and comment ?

I'm honestly shocked you've made it this far. In relationships yes people sometimes say stupid and thoughtless stuff.

Because they aren't on high alert on tenterhooks with everything they say 24/7.

I think YABU. You started a conversation about the difference in your birth experience and that of slimmer fitter women. You were comfortable in albeit obliquely referencing your own size when your point was to compare your experience favourably with those women, yet you are offended that he used a fairly neutral term to agree there is a difference between your size and that of the women you were discussing. If you are offended by 'bigger', when there's nothing wrong with that, pretty much all of us are bigger than some people and smaller than others after all, then it's probably better not to bring women's weight up in conversation with him, as what can he say that may not offend?

I think you’re over reacting, also is he referring to your weight or to your build?

You can't blame him for simply stating facts.
Size 16 is bigger than Size 10, that is blatantly obvious.

RabbitsRock · Today 09:55
WalterdelaMare 14 isn’t big!

5ft 8, no. 5ft, yes.