My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

I’m 5ft shaped like a 10 year old so an athletic 5’8 woman would be ‘bigger’ and likely more able to get a baby out easier. Maybe he means something like that?

Well bigger / wider hips does make natural birth easier 'good birthing hips' and all that.

Small, narrow pelvis make birthing more dangerous so CS is more appropriate.

In the workplace or other professional/formal setting etc women should be called women. In an informal setting or among friends and family using girl, boys/lads, guys is widely accepted.

Rude!

Womanly bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Someone who goes to the gym still has a woman's body. A slim woman still has a womanly body.

You could argue that someone who puts effort into keeping healthy has a far more "sensible" body shape than someone who is overweight/obese (speaking as someone who is)

No women I know and see at the gym have an "adolescent boy" physique - that's not what the gym is designed for - there's a huge mix from strength trainers who are visibly muscled, women carrying excess weight, and even the "slim" women are aiming for, and do exercises specifically to achieve a curvy kardashian type body, with a large butt and defined curves, than very skinny.

All the "very slim" women I know don't go to the gym at all and keep their weight low by restricting food (and smoking). And even they have a "womanly body" because, again, women come in all shapes and sizes.

Apart from anything else, everyone suggesting OP might be "big boned" seems to have missed the part where she was very slim when they first met. Her overall body type hasn't changed, because that's physically impossible, she's just put weight on, as most of us do as we get older.

It sounds like his comment was insensitive but accurate. She is bigger than her friends. A size 14 is bigger than an 8, 10, or 12
(Again, I am a 14 BTW and fully aware that I'm bigger than slimmer friends, though I would still probably be upset if DH mentioned it).

He could apologise for being a bit insensitive but everything else seems like a huge overreaction to what is essentially just a factual statement.

He’s never had to as we are both really active and eat well (both runners). But I would hate him to be one of those pussyfooters saying ‘you’re fine as you are’ to not hurt my feelings. I can take it - if I’m fat I need to change!

🤦🏼‍♀️

Sounds like all he is guilty of is sloppy choice of language. Your post says that you are bigger than the friends you were talking about.

OP has gone incredibly quiet.

If your marriage cannot recover from a slip of the tongue you have bigger problems.

Maybe take a look at your diet and exercise and figure out if your body fat % is in the healthy range, but don;t shoot the accidental messenger

So you need your husband to mention to you if you're getting 'tubby?'

Are you not capable of figuring out yourself if you are gaining too much weight?

Do you always need him to help you with things in life, and guide you and coach you? Do you not have agency? Your own mind? Your own opinions? Do you always have to rely on your husband to advise you?

Good grief! 😂

Sounds like you've taken offence where it wasn't meant to be offensive. You say he stopped as soon as he saw your reaction. If he meant to be hurtful he would have continued.

I would have simply assumed that he was saying someone of your size might have wider hips etc and be able to give birth naturally (even though wide hips don't guarantee not having a c-section and skinny people also have natural births).

On a separate note, a partner should be able to respectfully tell their partner if they think they are gaining weight or getting a bit unhealthy etc without the other getting offended.

💐oh love I’d be hurt by that too. I can see why you’re hurt. I think many of the responses on her are trying to help but I imagine feels like they’re putting the boot in. I think your DH had real foot in mouth. But I think you should try to get past the comment. Tell him you’re upset and that feeling attractive is obviously important. My DP is…obese and has got progressively bigger whilst we’ve been together. I’d really love him to address this but I am very careful to tell him how much I fancy him/love him and not mention the weight…but occasionally I probably slip up and say things like this. I bought him a cardigan last Christmas that was too big. I didn’t get around to returning it and recently I gave him it to wear as it’s very warm and joked he’d grown into it. I could see he was a bit hurt and wished I’d not said that.

I’m sorry op, I would be really upset too. Is this more about how you feel about yourself, than a clumsy comment from him though? You are bigger than you were and feeling sensitive about it? Him saying so means he’s noticed - course he has he has eyes, but it doesn’t mean it’s a negative for him. But it sounds like it is a negative for you. He backtracked and apologised? So maybe let it go, but if being bigger is an issue for you, maybe start to tackle it.

On a side note when is it acceptable to mention a partners weight? If someone goes from size 10 to 16 that may seem reasonable due to aging, having a family etc. If that same person becomes a size 20 is that an acceptable point to mention weight? If someone is particularly sensitive what's the easiest way to broach the subject?

I mean it both ways DH or DW.

This!
I am very anti the ‘you’re fine as you are’ type of man. I have always said to DH please bring me up short if I am getting tubby. It’s not about how you look, but being healthy into middle age.

With vanity sizing 14 can be overweight, especially if you're short. I'm tall but when I get to a size 14, I know it's time to lose a few pounds.

Exactly. My BMI was 29 at a size 14.

WalterdelaMare 14 isn’t big!
It can be to be fair.
I'm 14 atm and I am definitely overweight and have a high bmi.
To say 14 isn't big is ridiculous. It depends on other factors.

You started a conversation that is inherently about bodies and things happening to different people's bodies and you commented on other women's bodies... Then got annoyed when he mentioned your body, although it seems like he had no bad intent and stopped immediately when he saw you were upset?

At my height I'm overweight at a size 10 nowadays and would maybe be obese at a 16. If you're tall a 16 may not be overweight but your body would just be bigger overall so perhaps that's what he meant?

I don't think being fat or thin has anything to do with requiring c-sections. Not everyone who is fit and healthy and goes to the gym has an unusually small pelvis!

I was a size 14 when I had my two children - both c-sections. I have a friend much larger than me, she is taller and broader, and she's a midwife. She had two c-sections.

My own midwife was morbidly obese and had 4 vaginal births and one c-section.

You need to get that correlation out of your narrow mind.

I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one.

Looking back at the OP again after a few PPs have zeroed in on this, now I can see it was entirely the OP's point that she was the odd one out compared to her superfit/gym going friends, so it's her whose cast herself as the not superfit/gym going person who didn't need a csection. He's blundered with his phrasing but he's not saying anything that she hasn't teed up. It's literally the point she's making that she's not the same body type as the csection friends. The only difference is that in her head, that made her better/luckier whereas DH's comment instantly switched it for her into a major criticism.

You don't know much about biology do you? You think having wide hips is 'sensible', as in, an act of choice by women with superior sense to those with narrow ones? Wide hips are partly how ones skeleton is formed, partly where we lay fat and how much fat we have. Reducing the fat by time spent in the gym makes no difference to hip width in any way relates to childbirth. And no woman ever has the hips of an adolescent boy. In your attempt to elevate larger women you are just being spiteful about ones with a different body shape. Is that really necessary?

I suppose, yes.

We don't know OP's DH was going to say in full so we don't know if he regards 14 a big per se, or that he's regarding OP as bigger than she was.

I had to have c sections with both of mine due to a very narrow pelvis. Maybe he meant you have wider set hips (which I would love to have!) but has worded it in a crude manner.