My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

Given the context of the conversation I think this is very likely.

I can't think of any reason why a "fatter" woman (if that was what he meant) would be more likely to give birth naturally than a thinner person so that interpretation doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I sympathise with being touchy about this sort of thing, though, OP. I have also put on weight and gained wider hips and ribs since having a child (little monkey literally stretched my skeleton!) whereas I used to be very slim and slight (but tall)! I think your DH should probably get a pass on this comment, though, in all fairness! I'm sure you're still lovely looking.

Eh, I'm a bit overweight since menopause, and it is a fact. I am a 14, I used to be a 12 and am 5 foot 8 inches. I am a bigger girl now I am in my late 50s.

Agree. Does being a sensible adult woman necessarily mean not to exercise?

I'm in my 50s and a 12/14. I would happily refer to myself as a bigger girl. My 80+ mother refers to her friends as "the girls". I agree with those who would accept it as a statement of fact.

I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one.

What was behind your comment? I find that women who pay specific attention to other women's choices for giving birth are looking for validation of their own 'I did it naturally' event. As if they are somehow superior? Not every woman can give birth vaginally.

Have you quoted the wrong person? I’m one of those slim hipped women the other poster was suggesting were like boys. I’m calling myself boy hipped sarcastically.

let’s all take a breath shall we!

🤣 "pushed a baby through my male like body" same here, always been a square yet I had an uneventful, smooth vaginal birth. After months of being bedbound mind you, but my little adolescent boy form pulled through at the last minute I suppose.

I would have thought he was referring to your frame not your weight.

Your fat content wouldn't determine whether you could give birth naturally, but your pelvic construction would.

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway thats a scientific fact! I would be amazed if anyone who is a size 14’s BMI didn’t put them as overweight - most likely obese.

It’s normal for the UK to be a 14 - no judging, but we do need to realise medically that’s overweight!

Why is this so outrageous to say- it’s the truth!

I've always been an 8.

Narrow hips, no tits.

How does he react if you call him Big Boy?

FFS stop body shaming SLIM WOMEN with small hips! Calling them boy hips! Are you kidding me right now?! You are no better than people fat shaming. SHAME ON YOU!

As a pp said, it's borderline racism too, as most South East Asian women have small frames/narrow hips. SO RUDE!

Apparently "The average woman in the UK is 5ft 3in tall, weighs 11 stone (70.2kg) and wears a size 16".

Therefore (notwithstanding that BMI is a blunt instrument) the average woman has a BMI of 27.3 and is overweight.

So I'll stick with my "ridiculous" hips, my size 8 figure and my BMI of 20, thank you very much.

There's a lot of projection going on in this thread.

Similar size but narrow hips!

5'9"

Wide shoulders

9.4 stone.

I imagine the required response from your DH would have been along the lines of "yeah, just goes to show that being a skinny gym girl isn't best when it comes to having babies. Real women are meant to have curves" Am I right OP? Unfortunately rather than calling those women skinny to differentiate them from you, your DH called you bigger to differentiate you from them, which has ended up upsetting you. However what you required from him was very specific and nuanced validation which was very risky when you feel the way you do, and it back fired. If I were you, if you want reassurance, be direct with him rather than coming at it by stealth. And don't bring up conversations that 'just happen' to involve your weight unless you have the resilience to cope when it goes off script.

I think you are an absolute arse @Biggergirl16

Why would you pontificate about your friend's C sections?

I have really wide hips and shoulder, 5 foot 8, 10 stone and I wear a size 14 (because of my hips and shoulders width).

I use to be underweight at 6 stone wore a size 6 around my waist (but still a size 12 hips/shoulder).

I have NEVER been called a big girl... very much the opposite.

Apart from height (I'm not short but average, with girls I know ranging mostly from 5.5 to 5.9 so I'm not noticeably 'tall') everyone always calls me tiny or skinny etc...

Although since going up 4 stone to healthy weight and to a size 14 (size 10 waist) I dont get 'skinny' as much but still get 'slim' or 'small'.

Yep I agree, op you started it and you wanted him to say oh those skinny women how awful. Backfired unfortunately. Never try and make yourself feel better by running someone else down.

@Dumbles · Today 11:34

OP there’s no easy way to say this but unfortunately the truth is that size 14 is very overweight.

Fuk me sideways. This thread just keep giving and giving!! 😆

PEAK Mumsnet. 'Sorry OP, there's no easy way to say this, but size 14 is VERY OVERWEIGHT.'

LMFAO!!!!! 😂

The parallel world of Mumsnet strikes again!!!

😆

.

i agree . but obviously comments about overweight people are just the worst thing in the world we must pretend they are not overweight but if we think someone is slim well they are fair game. It’s ridiculous but sadly constant on here. I’m presumably one of the gym bunny boy hips that poster refers to but even I managed to push a baby out through my male like body.

I think you're being a bit precious OP. You've said yourself you have gained weight. And if you're bigger than the friends you were talking about, it's accurate for him to say you are bigger.

The fact this has upset you though does indicate you're not that happy at your current size, out of interest is your BMI overweight, or obese? I would take this as a wake up call and make sure you continue to lose weight. Not just for you, and not for your DH, but for your kids, who deserve a healthy mum that will be around for them as long as possible.

OP there’s no easy way to say this but unfortunately the truth is that size 14 is very overweight. I’m a 12 and when I had my health check up I’m on the verge of obese. Which feels mental and shocking but it’s true based on BMI.

Most the population is the same. We are a big nation (if you are in the UK) and we have normalised being fat. It’s our lifestyles as you said which aren’t active, and takeaways, processed food, puddings/chocolate etc. You absolutely aren’t alone and most women (and men) want to lose some weight - in fact you are ahead as you already have been losing it!

So whether your husband meant it that way or not you are a bit ‘bigger’ and although it hurts we all need to know and accept it as it is affecting our health. We all need a kick up the butt and to lose some weight. Diets from January!

Why do people say this?

Size 14 on somelone 5ft tall can be big in comparison to size 14 on 6ft.......

And obvious bollox.

I was a size 6/8 when I gave birth vaginally to both of our children.

DD at home. I raged her out standing up. Caught her, and straight on my breast.

Talking about tactless, meanwhile you refer to slim women as having hips that resemble adolescent boys?

If you're a size 14/16, you are a bigger woman. You aren't slim. It's factual. You've actually been much more insulting than the husband ever was - he stated a fact (OP is bigger - yes not tactful, but factual), but you are making demeaning comparisons regarding grown women looking like teenage boys.

I can imagine what dress size you wear from these comments alone - there's always one projecting. No shade to anybody of any weight, but be realistic - slim means slim and bigger means bigger. If you're bigger you are bigger, not slim, and if somebody says that, they are saying something that is a fact.

If you're talking about tactfulness, take note yourself.