My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

A size 14-16 IS big though. Yes some people change as they age and for many weight gain is part of that (but changing lifestyle is more relevant) but we should not shy away from describing things as they are. It’s a very very very rare woman who is a 14-16 who isn’t “big” unless she is very tall and then likely to be “big” in a different way.

I think the question of whether you comment on your partner’s weight gain is really interesting. I gained 8kg after having my second child ( I had actually lost weight after my first ). My partner commented constantly, ordering me salad when we ate out, telling me to join a gym, commenting if I ate junk food. I lost the weight and improved my fitness massively. My partner gained huge amounts of weight (up 110kg and he’s only 5”7) I never commented but he now has heart problems, OSA and a bad back. I don’t if it would have made any difference but I feel so much guilt about it. It was hard to hear that he wasn’t happy with how I looked but in retrospect I needed to hear it.

I was about to say this. My husband loved it when I was a "bigger girl". Maybe your previous unhappiness with your weight (you mentioned you'd started feeling good again) meant you took it as a bad thing but it may not be for your husband?

I would find it hurtful though, despite knowing how my husband feels. If he is clumsy in his language choices in other ways, I'd explain my hurt though and move on.

It is all relative but anyone coming on here saying a size 14-16 is big can fuck off.

Surprisingly, as we age, we change shape, particularly after children. It is normal OP. And your husband of all people should know not to make comments like this, no wonder you have the ick. I’m assuming he doesn’t look like Brad Pitt?

I'm a size 14, have always been a size 12-14 even when competing in ironman triathlons at 17% bodyfat and also "do sport" 5-6 days a week. You sound judgemental and uneducated about the female body in sport with this comment.

OP, I think YABU. He hasn't been particularly clever with this comment, but it sounds pretty innocent. Maybe have a chat with how he can support you with your insecurities. Well done for making progress!

This - I'm a size 12-14 on average (although due to vanity sizing I can fit into size 8 in some shops which is ridiculous), and have an obese BMI. Admittedly I'm short but at my weight I'd still be obese at average height.
Just because it's normal doesn't mean it's healthy.

Same.

well, I am currently struggling with my weight.

But even at a very healthy weight and with an athletic lifestyle I would have never been described as small. I had a flat stomach, toned arms and legs. But I still had wide hips, upper thighs, big boobs etc.

it’s not just about weight but whether somebody has a slim / narrow or broad build.

He was a bit thoughtless but he’s not saying something that’s untrue.
You already know you are bigger so I don’t see how it’s a shock to the system.

Yes.
Sensible.
👍

Wide hips, yes, being taller doesn’t mean, having an easier time with a natural birth.OP, has said she’s recently lost weight, so was bigger than a size 14/16 that’s what he’s referring to, her weight.

When I was pregnant with twins the consultant said something like this. I’m tall and have wide, child birthing, hips. Also because I’d had a previous vaginal birth of a 9lber my birth canal was essentially a slip and slide. It was professionally put but generally for this type of twins he’d normally recommend a c-section but for me he’d recommend a vaginal birth.

In all fairness he was quite right. Wasn’t feeling fabulous about it at the time though.

He didn't mean it in anyway badly.

It's true by your own admission.

Why are you punishing him for being honest?

If it was said in a way to hurt you or be malicious that's different.

You have a self confidence thing here. It's not fair to pin blame on him for it and associate it with your other issues.

It's your other issues that are the problem.

If you split up, it will still be the case that you are the size you are.

If you are unhappy about this, the onus is on you to do something about it for you. Not for anyone else.

This 100%

My DH would say something similar, not bigger but he would describe me as broader than my friends etc. We joke about it and I can be honest with him about his weight, so I would probably have jokingly retorted back if he referred to me as a bigger girl in comparison to my friends (which is true).

I think it's ok for partners to point out when their other halves get fat...

So it's fine for you to trash your slim fit friends (oh it's so funny how all those gym bunnies have had C-sections, but not big old me, I'm all natural, baby!), but when your husband comments (FACTUALLY) about your weight, oh then you're upset.

Size 14-16 IS bigger and more likely not just bigger, but straight up fat, unless you're very tall. Deal with it. Lose weight or quit moping.

Signed by a size 8 gym bunny who gave birth naturally. Next to me you'd look very obviously fat. You won't like it, but that's just a fact.

That was a bonkers post, wasn't it? When I was a size 12 everyone described me as skinny! I wasn't obese or even overweight then. Wasn't overweight at size 14 either, but approaching it.

I have reached it now, alas.

Well it just sounds like an accurate description but not one that was meant in an insulting manner?

I am fat now (statement of fact - over the last 15 years I have put on 40 kilos and went from a 12 to and 18.)

When referred to as a “bigger / fatter” woman I just take as it is. As it’s true.

I am more intrigued why he thought you being bigger would mean you are more likely to be pushed to give birth naturally.

Men often say the "wrong" things in my experience.

When I first met DH we went to a cafe and the very overweight waitress was making eyes at him.
When I mentioned this DH said "if I wanted a beer barrel I would have asked for one"..........

What he didn't know was that I had just spent the last two years dieting and exercising.
I had lost 7 stones and gone from size 28 to size 12 !!!

Talk about putting your foot in it 😁

When I told him he was mortified and I did forgive him besides feeling bad for the waitress (although she hadn't heard) and feeling so pissed off at his shallowness.

34 years later we are still together (married for 32 years)
Sadly I have gradually put most of the weight back on again. Illnesses, having children, over indulging, etc.

He's a loving, supportive husband and father and he's never spoke of anyone in that manner again.

He's now overweight himself.......
That'll teach him 😁

OP, sounds as though despite putting his foot in it, your DH is a good man and they are hard to come by.
So yeah, take it at face value and move on x

It will get to the point men and women wont say anything in the end because everything seems to be offensive nowdays.

Sorry meant to bold the top paragraph to show it was a quote, not my words!

I don't know why weight and comments about it cause so many issues in relationships.

It's only an issue if one person is either in denial or already feeling very sensitive about their weight.

My DP and I are totally open about our weight. We aren't overweight, lower end of normal BMI, I'll say that, but if either of us puts on a few pounds we talk about it, I'll poke his belly or he'll pat mine, and we agree to forgo puddings etc. Our 'rule' is that anything over 4lbs needs dealing with so it doesn't turn into a bigger issue.

The issues that crop up here seem to be because some women feel insecure about their relationship anyway and comments about their size or weight just feed that insecurity.

In secure relationships, couples should support each other with healthy change and be open about their weight.

I am size 12 to 14 and 5'7" aged 49. Yes I am overweight in terms of BMI: 27.5, but not obese. Measurements are correct for size 12/14 clothing depending on the shop. Never bigger than a 14. My waist to height ratio is in the healthy range meaning I am unlikely to get diabetes. My cholesterol is very good and my blood pressure is on the low side. My resting heart rate is around 55bpm. I go to the gym four times a week and do cardio, weights and yoga and am fit and healthy. My diet is very balanced and I eat plenty of protein, green veg and fibre. I drink alcohol moderately. I'm never ill and never get so much as a sniffle.

But yeah, I must be obese and unhealthy. 🤔

If you're a size 14/16 and you're around 6 feet tall, then you're not a 'bigger girl' OP.

So whether he's right or not will depend on your height.

OP there’s no easy way to say this but unfortunately the truth is that size 14 is very overweight. I’m a 12 and when I had my health check up I’m on the verge of obese. Which feels mental and shocking but it’s true based on BMI.@Dumbles

Do you not understand how BMI works? It isn't based on dress size but height and weight. Height and weight.
So maybe you're short which makes you on the verge of obese at size 12, but that is not average or the same for everyone.

I'm size 16, BMI is in the healthy range due to my height. When I was size 8 I was shockingly underweight due to my height.

FFS don't talk about things you don't actually understand.