My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

The average female pelvis is 12 inches. No one is a size 14/16 on account of their pelvis. No one who is a size 6/8 needs to have an especially narrow pelvis in order to be that size.

Bigger <> big
And you are bigger than those stick insects

A sedimentary one, limestone?

I also think you’re over Reacting, as compared to the gym fit women you are bigger, however I understand why you didn’t wish that to be said. It’s a bit like Voldemort in Harry Potter, it must never be spoken of. You know it, he knows it, but it can never be said out loud.

I think repulsion, ick etc is a bit ott, but if that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel.

Exactly. How fat you are has no bearing. It’s bone structure that counts.

Women with narrow hips have trouble giving birth - so until recently they did not pass many of their genes on, as they died of obstructed labour, or of the caesarian required to get the child out.
Size 14 to 16 is not big. It's about average size for a healthy adult woman (as opposed to a girl/woman late teens to early 20s). Your DH should be eating humble pie right now (I have a recipe if you want one).

Woman with certain frames, eg more of an hourglass shape, are likely to have an easier vaginal birth. DH was not calling you fat. 'Girl' is quite irritating but not intended as an insult. Tell him firmly to watch his language in future, then forget about it.

I’m in Southeast Asia. You would have your own post code.

I mean the c-section v vaginal birth thing is bollocks but I don't actually think there's anything wrong with saying 'bigger', it's a fact. I was a size 14/16 and at 5ft nothing I was big.

I really hope some of the posters here don't have daughters they try to "educate" based on their scientific knowledge.... so much misinformation and ED inducing rubbish on this thread.

Body composition has a huge impact on how much people weigh/what clothes people wear. Labels will also be different from shop to shop, so to base someone's health on clothes size which differs widely anyway is ridiculous.

I really don't understand the BMI chat on this thread, it seems irrelevant given that the crux of this was about c-sections -v- vaginal delivery. BMI has no bearing on somebody's frame/bone structure.

The 'big girl' thing is a red herring.

a) It depends on height. Someone 5'0 who is a 14 (as I have been) is absolutely big.
b) Even then, a 14 can never be 'small.' Even if you're 6 foot you're not slim at a size 14. At best it's within the medium/normal range, although most clothes shops seem to equate 14 as an XL.
c) The actual DH didn't say "big", he said "bigger", and the poster you are quoting didn't say 14 in itself was big, just that she was a 'big' 14 (i.e. closer to a 16 than a 12).
d) It's impossible to use clothes sizes in the UK as any indicator of actual weight because there is no standardisation between, or even within shops. I've got similar looking jumpers that fit me, one is a size 14 from Zara, anothe is a size 8 in asda. Sometimes depending on the style I can "fit" an XS to an XL in different items in the same shop (looking at you H&M).

Yes it is. I'm a 12/14 (something I'm working hard to reduce) and am classed as obese. I understand why she was upset but we cannot pretend to be "small"

I'm all for coming down hard on rude remarks, but in this situation, he was fumbling for a phrase to describe people who are not slim gym bunnies and he settled on the wrong one for you.

It can be hard to accept you are 'bigger', I know, as I am 'bigger' too, at a 14-16, that's about an 18 in old money (the old sizes) and as I'm short, I indeed was bigger, in fact, obese at times, or very overweight.

I don't think he meant anything terrible, by the fact he stopped speaking.

It's up to you, I would feel hurt too, but I think it's better to let this go after a few hours of upset and try to see if the marriage can get back on track, don't let it all go down the drain over this remark, unless it's part of a pattern of derogatory comments designed to put you down- if it's more careless talk, then I'd accept I was oversensitive about being bigger now I'm older and a mum.

This totally depends on your height. Im 5’8 and wear size 14 jeans and tops. My bmi is 24.3. Not amazing but at the upper end of normal, not even in the overweight category.

Bigger girl is patronising. I suppose Big Boy has different connotations. Bigger woman might be accurate unless you're taller.

Don't get me wrong. I'm now a 14 at 5'3", and my scales tell me I'm obese! It's the reality. I'm reading Michael moseley and attempting lifestyle shift, but I know I'm going to have to restrict food to lose weight.

Maybe take this as a wake up call?

I think the moral of the story is not to make comments and judgements about other women's shapes, sizes, birthing modes. I agree with PP, the OP wanted to do this and it backfired. I think her husband's comment wasn't needed but, neither was OP's.

The fact that he referred to you, a grown woman, as a "girl" alone would have given me the ick. Also I don't see what your size has got tot do with the topic of csections.

Totally agree. There are slim women with hips, overweight women without them. You can't change skeleton shape, or pelvic width; it is underneath with extra padding or not. The theory that if you're heavier you can more easily have a VB is batshit. Who cares??? We are all different shapes and sizes.

It's lovely how body positivity works.
Overweight? All good, let's embrace every body size!
Sporty, slim? Hips like adolescent boys, gym bunnies .....
Yep, love EVERY body size. Just not the one that's on the slimmer spectrum.

I agree. She clearly thinks she’s better than them and that’s probabaly why she’s so offended by her husbands truthful comment.

🙄 behave yourself woman

I’m a size 22/24 so much bigger than you, if we were to be compared I’d obviously be the “bigger girl” out of the two of us, so it’s kind of stating a fact. You also say your friends are “super fit gym types” and imply you are more curvy, it’s a widely held belief (from days gone by) that women with bigger hips are better at birthing babies, you didn’t even let your husband finish, so how do you know that’s not what he meant? Perhaps he isn’t lacking in kindness, but more lacking in tact. I appreciate how you must be feeling hurt, especially if you’re making tracks to do something about your own insecurities and then you’ve thought it’s been implied that your husband thinks you’re big, but I think it’s more nuanced than just that one comment, I think your hurt because what’s been said has touched a nerve and also because you’ve said your having relationship problems, which I know from experience makes a person feel insecure and hurt already. The “ick” is a defence mechanism.. Only you can decide whether you can come back from it OP. Might I also kindly suggest (if you do decide you want to work on your marriage) some support in the form of relationship counselling if you’re not doing it already-relate costs are income assessed so it’s potentially more affordable than you might think. Best of luck to you ❤️

Came to say this too

Honestly I think you're overreacting. He's obviously touched a nerve but I don't think he meant to hurtful. Being a bit heavier is not a crime. My husband and I laugh all the time about my weight struggles-I know I'm big but I know he sees me as far more than that.