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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend can never be happy for my child

268 replies

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:11

I have a friend whose dd is in the same class as mine. This woman is very successful in her field & has always had very high expectations for her dd. From a very young age she would compare hers with mine & hers would always be superior.
However as the years went on my dd became very competent at her sport & is now competing nationally . She is also chosen for a lot of things at school & has been given recognition for her sporting achievements.
Many parents in the class have text or had a kind word to say but zero from this friend & she's been like that for a number of years.
She just cannot bring herself to say anything nice about my child.
If we meet I never mention dds achievements, I'm don't put posts on social media (but the school have posted quite a bit over the years of dd but said woman has never liked or commented)
Aibu to be a bit flummoxed?

OP posts:
SunnyHappyPeople · 09/12/2024 10:38

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:24

Another parent mentioned on the class WhatsApp last week "well done to x, sounds like a great trip & best of luck"... the majority of the class chimed in after to say similar barr my friend & I have had private messages too from parents

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Yeah, she's jealous. Not a friend at all.

Not supporting a friend publicly on the group whatsapp, when others have, just shows her character. Why wouldn't you offer a kind word?

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:37

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 10:35

It may well be jealousy bit she is under no obligation to say anything and she certainly doesn't need to comment or your Socials.
As long as she doesn't say anything negative about it why does it matter? Her approval shouldn't be important to you

I don't post dd on my socials.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:37

Chipperchipmunk · 09/12/2024 10:33

I am different to you in that I wouldn’t want or need my daughter’s achievements to be recognised by other parents but if it’s so important to you, maybe you need to mention it next time you’re hanging out? Do you message her regularly about other things?

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I didn't share it. The school did via newsletter & social media. Another mum on the class came on WhatsApp to wish dd luck & other parents/ guardians joined all excluding my friend.

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 10:35

OP: AIBU?

MN: yes, here’s why.

OP: no, that’s not the answer I want.

Solid MN 🤣

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 10:35

It may well be jealousy bit she is under no obligation to say anything and she certainly doesn't need to comment or your Socials.
As long as she doesn't say anything negative about it why does it matter? Her approval shouldn't be important to you

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:35

Laserwho · 09/12/2024 10:33

you've had messages from parents. Why do you need more? This is the reason I stay away from school WhatsApp pages. Why do comments mean so much to you? It's your child's achievements surely any comments should be directed to her in person from friends and teachers not to you.

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Because the only one who didn't bother to acknowledge my dd is a friend for many years. She also could have messaged privately but didn't.

OP posts:
GiraffesAtThePark · 09/12/2024 10:33

She sounds jealous but I think you already know that. You just need to forget about it and move on.

Chipperchipmunk · 09/12/2024 10:33

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:28

Well I didn't get a message either to say well done to dd. I got plenty from parents I barely know! No group isn't muted as she often replies to the usual mundane homework queried etc & has posted since that parent put up the post wishing dd luck

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I am different to you in that I wouldn’t want or need my daughter’s achievements to be recognised by other parents but if it’s so important to you, maybe you need to mention it next time you’re hanging out? Do you message her regularly about other things?

Laserwho · 09/12/2024 10:33

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:24

Another parent mentioned on the class WhatsApp last week "well done to x, sounds like a great trip & best of luck"... the majority of the class chimed in after to say similar barr my friend & I have had private messages too from parents

Show quote history

you've had messages from parents. Why do you need more? This is the reason I stay away from school WhatsApp pages. Why do comments mean so much to you? It's your child's achievements surely any comments should be directed to her in person from friends and teachers not to you.

ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 10:33

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:28

Well I didn't get a message either to say well done to dd. I got plenty from parents I barely know! No group isn't muted as she often replies to the usual mundane homework queried etc & has posted since that parent put up the post wishing dd luck

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Jesus Christ.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:28

Chipperchipmunk · 09/12/2024 10:26

Maybe she has the group muted, maybe she doesn’t want to appear cliquey with you as you are actually friends so she doesn’t need to speak to you on the class chat

Well I didn't get a message either to say well done to dd. I got plenty from parents I barely know! No group isn't muted as she often replies to the usual mundane homework queried etc & has posted since that parent put up the post wishing dd luck

OP posts:
Chipperchipmunk · 09/12/2024 10:26

Maybe she has the group muted, maybe she doesn’t want to appear cliquey with you as you are actually friends so she doesn’t need to speak to you on the class chat

HardlyLikely · 09/12/2024 10:25

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:21

I'm not engaging. I came onto an anonymous forum to vent my frustrations on aibu! In real life I am not engaging just a bit flummoxed, a kind word or acknowledgement wouldn't go astray.

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Of course you’re engaging! You check if she’s commented on or liked school social media that mentions your daughter, you say you won’t sit with her this year at the school play to punish her for not praising your daughter’s solo last time, and you seem to be keeping a running total of her ‘failures’ in this regard!

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:24

Laserwho · 09/12/2024 10:21

You say you never mention your child's achievements or post on social media but the school do share posts about your daughter. I don't read posts about other children on schools social media, when other kids are mentioned on school newsletters I just briefly skim those posts unless my child points out something a friend has done. So I would never know what another child had done I certainly wouldn't mention it unless the mother told me directly. Other people kids achievements are not something I look out for.

Another parent mentioned on the class WhatsApp last week "well done to x, sounds like a great trip & best of luck"... the majority of the class chimed in after to say similar barr my friend & I have had private messages too from parents

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 10:23

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:15

This woman was extremely competitive when the dc were younger but I wasn't interested.

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In what way is that response relevant to the quoted comment?

You appear to be genuinely unable to engage with what’s being said to you. Do you understand that a lot of us think YABU? Do you understand why?

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:21

HardlyLikely · 09/12/2024 10:18

But now you seem to be heavily over-invested in her lack of praise for your child! If you didn’t engage then, why are you engaging now..

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I'm not engaging. I came onto an anonymous forum to vent my frustrations on aibu! In real life I am not engaging just a bit flummoxed, a kind word or acknowledgement wouldn't go astray.

OP posts:
Laserwho · 09/12/2024 10:21

You say you never mention your child's achievements or post on social media but the school do share posts about your daughter. I don't read posts about other children on schools social media, when other kids are mentioned on school newsletters I just briefly skim those posts unless my child points out something a friend has done. So I would never know what another child had done I certainly wouldn't mention it unless the mother told me directly. Other people kids achievements are not something I look out for.

ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 10:20

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:12

I care because I have been friends with the lady for years & I can't understand why she deliberately ignores my dds achievements when other parents who are mere acquaintances have a kind word & vice versa.

There are other kids in the school also who are competing at a high level in sports & music who the school acknowledges also . I don't know the kids personally but would be very enthusiastic in seeing them achieve.

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Why do you need her to acknowledge your child’s achievements? That’s the question. Why is that acknowledgment something you care about to this (or any) extent?

This woman might be consumed by jealousy or she might just not care. Either way, what’s interesting is the amount of importance you seem to place on external validation. ‘Other parents have messaged’ and ‘she doesn’t engage on social media’. It’s a bit much.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:19

fitzwilliamdarcy · 09/12/2024 10:15

"Context" here meaning "boasting".

And nobody is remotely even suggesting that you name the sport. We'll all be able to manage without knowing which it is.

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I was replying to the poster who said there is different national sports & it's easier to get to nationals in some sports due to finances.
I said it was a very popular Olympic sport to clarify it's not finances.

OP posts:
HardlyLikely · 09/12/2024 10:18

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:15

This woman was extremely competitive when the dc were younger but I wasn't interested.

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But now you seem to be heavily over-invested in her lack of praise for your child! If you didn’t engage then, why are you engaging now..

Mumofacertainage · 09/12/2024 10:16

My best friend and I have grown children about the same ages. Hers seemed to sail through, decent jobs weddings grandchild when mine were more difficult and less committed. I gloried in every success for them as they were like family. Eventually mine settled down, good careers nice homes and weddings and dear gp. She was equally happy for me and we have always shared the worries and happiness. This woman is not a friend, she is an acquaintance and begrudging rival. I would fade her out to be honest and find a decent friend.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:15

HardlyLikely · 09/12/2024 10:08

So you literally can’t bear to sit with someone whom you describe as a longterm friend because she doesn’t praise your daughter? Are you really that insecure and status-obsessed? Is your daughter’s sporting achievement such a key part of your identity? Surely you can manage a friendship which is just about the two of you and not your child? Unless you don’t value this friendship highly, which is what it sounds like… but in that case, why bother to check whether she’s liked school social media about your DD?

I have friends who don’t have the remotest interest in my DS, far less his sporting achievements. It doesn’t affect our friendship.

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This woman was extremely competitive when the dc were younger but I wasn't interested.

OP posts:
fitzwilliamdarcy · 09/12/2024 10:15

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:14

Exactly you don't know me so I'm adding these bits in for context. I don't want to name the sport as it is outing.

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"Context" here meaning "boasting".

And nobody is remotely even suggesting that you name the sport. We'll all be able to manage without knowing which it is.

Ownyourchoices · 09/12/2024 10:15

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:14

Exactly you don't know me so I'm adding these bits in for context. I don't want to name the sport as it is outing.

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BS. You just said it was very popular. There is no way your DD would be spotted out of this process.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:14

fitzwilliamdarcy · 09/12/2024 10:10

My point was that you're boasting to a bunch of strangers on the internet. This comment, once again reiterating, just in case someone's missed it, that not only is your DD's sport a national one, but a very popular Olympic one, that your friend failed to compliment your DD when numerous others did... it's really boastful. So I don't buy that you're just never mentioning this in real life to your mates, because on here you're doing it over and over again, and we don't even know you!

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Exactly you don't know me so I'm adding these bits in for context. I don't want to name the sport as it is outing.

OP posts:
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