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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend can never be happy for my child

268 replies

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:11

I have a friend whose dd is in the same class as mine. This woman is very successful in her field & has always had very high expectations for her dd. From a very young age she would compare hers with mine & hers would always be superior.
However as the years went on my dd became very competent at her sport & is now competing nationally . She is also chosen for a lot of things at school & has been given recognition for her sporting achievements.
Many parents in the class have text or had a kind word to say but zero from this friend & she's been like that for a number of years.
She just cannot bring herself to say anything nice about my child.
If we meet I never mention dds achievements, I'm don't put posts on social media (but the school have posted quite a bit over the years of dd but said woman has never liked or commented)
Aibu to be a bit flummoxed?

OP posts:
YabbaDabbaDooooo · 09/12/2024 11:41

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:38

No she doesn't but I think it's quite petty to blatantly ignore! Other parents in the class & school have no issues saying good luck, none of them are obliged to either!

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Perhaps they know how desperately needy some parents can be, so they do feel obliged?

ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 11:41

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:38

No she doesn't but I think it's quite petty to blatantly ignore! Other parents in the class & school have no issues saying good luck, none of them are obliged to either!

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You’re starting to sound nuts.

You asked, and 66% think YABU. Now, what?

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 09/12/2024 11:40

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:39

As I mentioned in my post, many parents commented on the class WhatsApp group after dd was mentioned in the school newsletter. The school also put up a post on social media & reshared a post from her club ... again zero. This woman usually has a like or comment on many things from what I saw on the schools sm .. only not when it comes to dd..

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I mean when you think about it, your kids isn’t on the WhatsApp. So what are these parents even saying?! Congratulations on your child’s achievements? Surely that’s really cringe? Like when people wish toddlers happy birthday on Facebook knowing they wont see it. All for show.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:40

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 09/12/2024 11:38

I think it's because the OP feels deep down the other child is more gifted than her own, and she doesn't like that feeling.

Receiving praise from this woman, would probably soften that a bit and make the OP feel the woman sees her child as some sort of 'worthy competition'.

My advice would be for the OP to concentrate on her own achievements, and then she mightn't be as needy over her child's.

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Are you referring to me? My friends child does not compete in the same sport as dd.

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 11:40

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:35

Yes a poster wanted to know how other parents got my number & I responded. Read the post!

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If that was your main takeaway from that comment, I’m not the one who needs to reread it. 🤦🏾‍♀️

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:38

Laserwho · 09/12/2024 11:37

Why dies she needs to? News flash, she doesn't have to.

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No she doesn't but I think it's quite petty to blatantly ignore! Other parents in the class & school have no issues saying good luck, none of them are obliged to either!

OP posts:
YabbaDabbaDooooo · 09/12/2024 11:38

bytheseine · 09/12/2024 11:33

The thing is OP, you actually are looking for validation, because you believe that all the effort your dd and your family have put in should be recognised.
But maybe not everyone feels that your choices are ones to be praised.

I think it's because the OP feels deep down the other child is more gifted than her own, and she doesn't like that feeling.

Receiving praise from this woman, would probably soften that a bit and make the OP feel the woman sees her child as some sort of 'worthy competition'.

My advice would be for the OP to concentrate on her own achievements, and then she mightn't be as needy over her child's.

Laserwho · 09/12/2024 11:37

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:30

I also said dd has been chosen by the school for quite a few things besides her sport. And again she just can't acknowledge that.

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Why dies she needs to? News flash, she doesn't have to.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:36

Laserwho · 09/12/2024 11:34

Does that even matter? The children's congratulated your daughter, that s what matters for your daughter. The mum doesn't need to congratulate you.

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She's a friend for years, I would always have a kind word for my friends dcs, nieces & nephews . It's nice to be nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:35

ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 11:32

Are you even reading the posts you’re responding to?

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Yes a poster wanted to know how other parents got my number & I responded. Read the post!

OP posts:
Laserwho · 09/12/2024 11:34

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:22

The card was made in school so the mum might not even know her dd gave it!

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Does that even matter? The children's congratulated your daughter, that s what matters for your daughter. The mum doesn't need to congratulate you.

SabreIsMyFave · 09/12/2024 11:34

SpryUmberZebra · 09/12/2024 11:30

You’re just making shit up now.

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On the contrary @nomoretreats has got it bang on!

bytheseine · 09/12/2024 11:33

The thing is OP, you actually are looking for validation, because you believe that all the effort your dd and your family have put in should be recognised.
But maybe not everyone feels that your choices are ones to be praised.

ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 11:32

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:25

I'm also on the schools pta plus have two other kids in the school. The parents would have had my number through my other kids WhatsApp groups.

And yes the parents on dds class WhatsApp did message underneath the good luck message posted my another mum . All except for my friend.

Edited
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Are you even reading the posts you’re responding to?

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:30

bytheseine · 09/12/2024 11:28

@Snowballing1
I too want to ask why you need this from this woman.

I know a woman whose daughter does a sport ( rhythmic gymnastics). She used to be a mum of a child in my daughter's class, so an acquaintance rather than a friend. I've never ever mentioned her daughter's achievements even though I saw them on social media.

I personally didn't mention them because I don't believe in the lifestyle the child and the whole family leads to achieve these goals.
I have my own set of values and while I wouldn't ever say directly what I think about certain parenting choices, I'm also not two faced, so I just won't mention it.

She commented years back how she felt sad that "the class" wasn't "supportive" of her daughter, meaning that we didn't facilitate going to see her exhibitions.
This sort of thought process implies that she felt that her lifestyle and choices were objectively "good" and therefore couldn't see why we wouldn't want to congratulate and support her daughter.

There are personally a whole host of reasons why I would congratulate and feel truly happy for my friends' children but if I am honest with you, being good at a sport really isn't one of them, especially if it means sacrificing a significant proportion of childhood and family life with siblings to do so.

I also said dd has been chosen by the school for quite a few things besides her sport. And again she just can't acknowledge that.

OP posts:
SpryUmberZebra · 09/12/2024 11:30

nomoretreats · 09/12/2024 08:21

I'm not sure it is jealousy. People love to speak about their own children's accomplishments regardless of whether they are worthy or not. If it makes them feel good who cares.

Whilst OP is probably downplaying how much she talks about her kid the fact she has actually noticed that this parent has never liked or commented on posts 'for years' shows that OP expects everyone to congratulate her on her daughters success.

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You’re just making shit up now.

SabreIsMyFave · 09/12/2024 11:28

Really?! 😂

I have never gone around complimenting my friends DC's 'achievements' or expected them to compliment mine. What a batshit thread @Snowballing1 She is not jealous of you - OR your DD. She doesn't care, and she doesn't need to care.

I know a woman who was upset (several years ago) because I wasn't excited enough when she announced her DD was getting married next summer, after 8 years with her partner!

Like IDGAF. 😆

bytheseine · 09/12/2024 11:28

@Snowballing1
I too want to ask why you need this from this woman.

I know a woman whose daughter does a sport ( rhythmic gymnastics). She used to be a mum of a child in my daughter's class, so an acquaintance rather than a friend. I've never ever mentioned her daughter's achievements even though I saw them on social media.

I personally didn't mention them because I don't believe in the lifestyle the child and the whole family leads to achieve these goals.
I have my own set of values and while I wouldn't ever say directly what I think about certain parenting choices, I'm also not two faced, so I just won't mention it.

She commented years back how she felt sad that "the class" wasn't "supportive" of her daughter, meaning that we didn't facilitate going to see her exhibitions.
This sort of thought process implies that she felt that her lifestyle and choices were objectively "good" and therefore couldn't see why we wouldn't want to congratulate and support her daughter.

There are personally a whole host of reasons why I would congratulate and feel truly happy for my friends' children but if I am honest with you, being good at a sport really isn't one of them, especially if it means sacrificing a significant proportion of childhood and family life with siblings to do so.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:25

nomoretreats · 09/12/2024 11:22

Having read your subsequent posts you are determined to prove your child is seen as doing better than hers.

In your Op you mention how successful and established the mum is herself. It would be a given the child would follow the same path.

But her child hasn't and you seem adamant to gloat. Not a good look. Stalking her social posts and what not you are coming across as odd.

Also this whole thing about parents messaging you privately. How did so many people get your personal number 😳 surely the ones in the class WhatsApp group would have messaged there.

Yes, yes your child is amazing and hers isn't. Is that what you want?

Like I said in my initial post. Grow up. Stop wanting validation from a mum who might be going through her own struggles.

I'm also on the schools pta plus have two other kids in the school. The parents would have had my number through my other kids WhatsApp groups.

And yes the parents on dds class WhatsApp did message underneath the good luck message posted my another mum . All except for my friend.

OP posts:
nomoretreats · 09/12/2024 11:22

Having read your subsequent posts you are determined to prove your child is seen as doing better than hers.

In your Op you mention how successful and established the mum is herself. It would be a given the child would follow the same path.

But her child hasn't and you seem adamant to gloat. Not a good look. Stalking her social posts and what not you are coming across as odd.

Also this whole thing about parents messaging you privately. How did so many people get your personal number 😳 surely the ones in the class WhatsApp group would have messaged there.

Yes, yes your child is amazing and hers isn't. Is that what you want?

Like I said in my initial post. Grow up. Stop wanting validation from a mum who might be going through her own struggles.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:22

Barleypilaf · 09/12/2024 11:20

OP - in the nicest sense of the word, you are overthinking this.

From your posts, it does sound as those she may be envious. That's not good and doesn't reflect well on her. However, you appear to want acknowledgement from others so that you can bask in reflected glory. That's not great either. Her DD made yours a card which is lovely so the family have acknowledged your child's achievements.

As parents it is fantastic to have those times when you see your child succeed. That is its own reward.

The card was made in school so the mum might not even know her dd gave it!

OP posts:
Barleypilaf · 09/12/2024 11:20

OP - in the nicest sense of the word, you are overthinking this.

From your posts, it does sound as those she may be envious. That's not good and doesn't reflect well on her. However, you appear to want acknowledgement from others so that you can bask in reflected glory. That's not great either. Her DD made yours a card which is lovely so the family have acknowledged your child's achievements.

As parents it is fantastic to have those times when you see your child succeed. That is its own reward.

taxi4ballet · 09/12/2024 11:15

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:04

Thank you @taxi4ballet I just find it extremely odd ,it's been going on for a few years now & it's grating on me.

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I know, there was one dc of a friend of mine who was an outstanding competitive swimmer, and I always asked how he was getting on, and I'd be happy when he did well. It didn't irk me that her kid was a far better swimmer than mine.

Why can't people just be pleased when other folk's kids are successful?

Laserwho · 09/12/2024 11:15

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:59

Yes they are. Very good friends, there are six in the class who my dd is very friendly with. My friends daughter is in the group, she's so lovely & made dd a card to say good luck.

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Do your friends daughter made your dd a ca d to wish good luck. Chances are this girl also congratulated her which is what's important. Why does the mother also have to say congratulations to you? It's not YOUR achievement

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:12

I don't crave attention for dd. If I did I would have it plastered all over my personal social media but I don't.

OP posts: