Friend can never be happy for my child

Lol

She probably just doesn’t care.
You say the school has posted about your daughter on their social media but your friends hasnt commented or liked any of it…why would she? It’s not her child.
Also you say you never mention the achievements to her, or post about them yourself so maybe she just doesn’t know? If it’s never mentioned by you, then what exactly are you expecting her to say? Your child’s achievements are hardly going to be something someone else would bring up.

Yes, friends are usually happy for our successes and it’s nice.

That doesn’t explain why she’s fixated on being acknowledged and noting whether or not this woman is liking social media posts and the like. If a friend didn’t ever congratulate me on anything my child had done, I’m not entirely sure I’d notice. I certainly wouldn’t keep track of whether they engaged with general congratulations on What’s App and then feel ‘frustrated’ that they didn’t. I don’t think that’s normal or healthy behaviour.

Then there’s the manner in which OP has engaged on this thread - it’s like she’s created a narrative and is literally blankinganyrhing that runs counter to it. It gives the impression
that she’s not a particularly reliable narrator.

Finally, multiple people have pointed out that this doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. OP insists it is.

And you’re still remembering it and resenting it??

OP you have the patience of a saint to withstand all the mean and captious comments from the usual mumsnet crew.

Once some posters define you as “needy” they are off to the races!

I remember this kind of person from long ago when my children were school age. She was always a frenemy but you didn’t recognize it because you simply accepted her as a friend and didn’t realize that in her heart dhe had assigned you (and yours) a second class status. The “you were never good at sport” line is the giveaway. She was living vicariously through her daughters performance/imagined social status and your dd was to reflect your subordinate status. But you and your dd just plowed on living your best life. And she is punishing you for it by withdrawing (or withholding) ordinary social positive mirroring of emotions. “Oh well done” and “ogh too bad, better luck next time “ are the common currency of normal social interactions. You are right to notice the implicit hostility of her silence.

Yes, anytime people disagree with The OP on MN it it ALWAYS jealousy. It could never be because they actually don't agree or have another view on it , it must always be down to jealousy.🙄

How many years ago was this??

I think YABU but for different reasons to most posters; YABU to expect someone to change to suit you. You knew she was a competitive parent, YABU to expect her to pay your child a compliment so stop expecting it of her.

Hi OP, it seems some posters on here are as jealous of your DD's achievements as your friend is.
I totally understand where your coming from, I'm as proud of my friends children's accomplishments as I am my own children's, and yes imo she is jealous. Only you can decide of you can ovelook this going forward, is she a good friend in other ways? I've dropped a couple of friends in the past because when we got together it was just for a chance for them to brag, no 'so, how are you, how are your kids doing'

Maybe in her head you are not that important to her and you don't fulfill the role she'd like you to fill, so she won't acknowledge the parts that don't fit.

I walked away from a 'friend' who wanted to label me as a receptionist in conversations as she was jealous I had more recognised qualifications than her when I stepped away from a similar role that she maintained. I never devalued what she did, but when she didn't take on what I was actually doing it wore thin. No offence to receptionists but I was in management recruiting and managing at that point. Some people will see and acknowledge only what suits them!

Live your best life, take from the 'friendship' the part that benefits you. If she is disinterested in you (not your DD) then walk away.

Nah, sorry. Can't relate to either one of you. I'm inclined to say it's not jealousy, as I can't stretch my imagination to that place where someone is jealous (and surely 'envious' is the right word??) about some random kid's tap dancing success or swimming prowess. But the world is all shades of weird, I suppose.

With all the competitive success and the dozens of solos I had, my own mum got bored out. I'm not sure she was even keeping track of where and when I was sporting or singing, nevermind tracking what others had to say. But then she was busy with two jobs putting food on the table.

OP there are clearly a lot of bitter people on this thread. Just ignore! I have no special talents and my kids are too young to know if they do, but if anyone I know tells me that they/their DH/their child has done well in something I am always happy for them and say well done. That's because I am happy in my own life and therefore don't feel threatened by anyone else's success. With kids I have known since birth I would feel extra happy for them, as I almost see them as family. I also always message my friends to say "have a great trip!" when they are going on a normal holiday, let alone one to see a child compete at a high level.

The problem with AIBU is that there are lots of anti-social weirdos on here, who hate being invited to weddings, see being asked to be a bridesmaid as a huge chore and being invited to a baby shower is an outright insult! so of course these types of people are not happy for their friends in general. Better to get off MN, focus on your family and in future just treat this woman as an acquaintance. If you want to be petty then I'd go out of my way to hugely congratulate her daughter all the time on every little thing, so the difference in her treatment of yours is embarrassing. But that probably takes up more headspace than it's worth!

If all your friends, family and neighbours are all endlessly blowing up your WhatsApp celebrating your child, I think they might be the outliers, rather than your one friend who's never mentioned them. Is it possible that she looks really bad to you by comparison because they're doing so much?

unhappy, I just can't understand why a friend wouldn't want to celebrate other friends success & that extends to their children also.

Indeed. And thus, you're not her friend. She doesn't like you.

Well you've been discussing it for 4 hours now and 65% say YABU.

Somehow I don't think you'll ever 'understand' this non issue 🤷‍♂️

I think you're vastly over-estimating how important your child and her achievements are to other people. Someone else's kid's sporting achievements are honestly not remotely interesting and I wouldn't expect anyone else to give them a second thought, really.

OP, she’s just jealous. There’s no explanation why a friend or even a stranger would not sit next to you at a concert and just say a friendly well done about your daughter doing xxx. And not acknowledging your daughter achieving in her sport, I mean you’d expect at least one message via text or verbally. Just an acknowledgment really.
But you know that! That’s why you’re getting all these messages about why should she do/say xxx.

Sounds like you have lots of support from other people. Just maybe something is happening in her life that you know nothing about because most people don't need verification for everthing. Your thing isn't even remotely on her radar. You kid got a trip, hippy te depity doo daa. It's important to you not the entire fing world.

Never mind.

I'm sure the whole town will organise a homecoming parade with an open top bus 🙄

Although that still wouldn't be sufficient without a like or love heart from this woman.

The OP keeps saying she’s a longtime friend, but hasn’t got a good word to say for her. Who knows how the other woman actually views her now? Maybe she can see the OP is desperately over-invested in the sporting success of her daughter and doesn’t want to amplify it even further. Maybe she’s not keen on sport. Maybe she disapproves of the way the OP’s daughter’s sport seems to have consumed her (the OP’s) identity.

Maybe, like me, she sees the sacrifices made by the rest of the family to take the child to training, competitions etc and doesn’t think it’s great. One of DS’s primary school friends had an older brother who was on the national development squad for tennis, and another child playing at county level, and the entirety of family life was consumed in getting them to training, tournaments etc — DS’s friend spent a lot of time with us at weekends because the alternative was being up at dawn to drive hours to development squad or matches, and then just hanging around for hours doing her homework in an arena, because the other parent had taken the other child somewhere else. Which is a lot for a six year old. No sport success makes the sacrifices made by the rest of the family worthwhile to me.

YANBU, OP.

There are a lot of people here who are clearly rather like your friend and never give praise to other kids.