Is my MIL right or is she just rude?

My MIL is like this, and I genuinely get on with her, but she’s a present nightmare. Hates everything, doesn’t give you any ideas but would fall out with you if you don’t get anything.

I stopped caring a few years ago, now I buy something with zero effort as she won’t like it anyway. DH tells me not to bother at all as she’s her own worst enemy.

Get her something really fucking awful and when she hands it back just tell her you are sorry she doesn't like it but it's what your husband said she would really love and when he looks at you all confused telling you that he didn't suggest that at all just say "oh my mistake I thought you did, I will leave it up to you next year then to avoid me getting it wrong again" then leave it with him lol and if he moans just tell him that after the last time you ain't getting involved because you don't wanna upset his mum again by picking the wrong thing. Play the twat at his own game and let him worry about it

Agree your DH should be doing this but Why not ask her now? What she would like? If she suggests surprise explain that you find it upsetting when she rejects your gifts. Or as others have said buy something you’d like and just wait to get it back. My mother behaved similarly but not nearly as bad and i basically virtually stopped presents all together.

Honestly? I’d not bother getting her anything but a card. Maybe shove a tenner in it if I’m feeling generous.

And yes, she’s bloody rude.

She's being fucking rude.! What a horrible woman
This year..get her something that you like...as you know it's coming back to you anyway

@ChocBanana she will probably love anything if your OH buys it.

In your shoes, though, I’d do a £50 (or whatever you spend) supermarket shop of nice biscuits, chocolates, kiddies selection boxes etc and donate anything she doesn’t want to a local food bank on her behalf.

A copy of Debretts. Then when she tries to give it back, give it straight back to her saying "no, we bought it because you need it. We've even included a book mark". Stick it in the chapter on gift etiquette.

Failing that, a charity goat donation.

I'd buy her a bottle of my favourite perfume and thank her when she gives it back!

Buy her a cheap box of chocolates like Dairy box and then regift it or donate it to the food bank.

I dealt with my sil like this and shocked her into silence by saying that I'd donate it because I knew she wouldn't like it. Took the wind out of her sails, your mil is behaving like this for a power trip.

Don't fall for ir, your dh should either buy her a gift or not buy her anything at all. This is his problem, not yours.

Buy her a book on manners or ask her what she wants and explain well you can look forward to something you don't want then as we can never get it right can we in a jokey way to make your point

Why are you trying so hard? Bung some chocolates and treats in a basket with a card and be done with it. If she gives it back shrug and enjoy them yourself - her loss.

This is so 100% a your-husband problem. His Mum, his present, his problem.

This!

I’d do a flower subscription from somewhere like Bloom & Wild. You can do 3, 6 or 12 months I believe.

She is extremely rude and I would be telling my OH that buying for his mother is solely his job in future.

The other option, as a pp mentioned, is buy something you want and give it to her

But she tells OH every year that she will be very hurt if he doesn’t get her anything.

That's what she wants, her son to buy her gift.

She's obviously not offended by the previous years gifts or why else would she be asking for something this year.

Re some of the other behaviour such as not eating food she hasn't cooked and not letting people in her kitchen could be down to anxiety.

She is not the issue in your life, her son is.

He has said that you need to get her gifts? No.

"Your mum, your problem" and refuse. End of.

He is using you as an excuse "Why did you get me that?" "oh well @ChocBanana got it"

So you get the blame.

Fuck that shit.

That's the best idea ever - do it but don't tell DH - test it out this year & be all smug when it works 👍

😂😂😂

"Or sponsor an animal in her name." Yes, this is inspired - she won't be able to give it back to you! Brilliant! 😂😂😂

Definitely a charity goat.

I wouldn't get her anything. If she's allowed to tell you she'd feel hurt not receiving anything, you should be able to tell her that it's very hurtful that she is repeatedly so rude about what you do get her. And I'd definitely be putting this back on your partner, he can buy his rude hurtful mother something she doesn't want. No one deserves to be treated like this, it's horrible!!

Your mil is rude. Honestly. I would buy her a photo book of your family from this year. Every year.

I think she's being rude and dishonest.

She gets something out of being hurtful making you both uncomfortable, which is why she says she doesn't like the gifts even when they are things she likes.

I would be tempted to be rude back but I would likely in the end do what others have suggested and get something you like.

And I'd have a headache for supper.

Very good!