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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I a horrible person?

159 replies

sunset3000 · 08/12/2024 23:06

Please don't come on here to just bash me verbally!

I'm 38, single and my 20 year old son lives with me. I've been single for about 6/7 years and I like it that way, I don't enjoy relationships as I've never had a good one.
I think I'm a kind, caring, thoughtful, helpful and just generally nice person.
In the last 6/7 years the only relationship of sorts that I've had is a friends with benefits kind, the problem is both men had partners, one of the fwb situation went on for 3.5 years the other around 9/10 months. I only ever like taken men and I was driving earlier and thought, I consider myself a very nice person but does this actually make me a horrible person, I don't know either of the men's partners and both have remained secrets. I know nobody is perfect but I feel like o don't really like myself for it at the moment.
I'm not asking for anyone to tell me what I've done is fine or tell me I'm evil, just maybe some possible reasons I might be like this and if it does make me horrible?

OP posts:
NotTerfNorCis · 08/12/2024 23:20

Recognise that what you're doing is wrong, and stop doing it.

Of course the man is even more in the wrong, as he's betraying his partner.

ForeverPombear · 08/12/2024 23:20

You're having sex with married men, in my book then yes it does make you a horrible person. Sorry OP.

Lavender14 · 08/12/2024 23:18

My guess is that due to the horrible relationships you've had in the past this is your way of protecting yourself - you get all the benefits of a feb situation with a man who some woman has already vetted for you without having to take any risks yourself with your emotions. The fact you say you only like married men says that there's something about the fact he's taken specifically that is attractive to you. I agree this probably needs exploring in a safe space like therapy. I wouldn't say it makes you a nice person because you must know you're removing another womans autonomy. Without her knowing she's in an open relationship she can't really consent to sex can she.

LittleMissLateForWorkAgain · 08/12/2024 23:14

Maybe because they are taken they feel like a "safe" option. You say you are happy with your life as a single person so not looking for commitment and happy ever after?

Fwiw I don't think you are horrible. You are not the one who is married and having a relationship on the side. They are.

I m also happily single but older than you so not really interested in any of it. The thought of a relationship just feels like hard work to me and at 56 I don't really want to share my space after a busy day dealing with work in a secondary school.

Dc are adults and I see them a lot (ds staying with me atm but 36 so not forever). I have my cats for affection and friends for fun.

healthybychristmas · 08/12/2024 23:14

I can understand that you feel safe in these relationships because there's no risk of them getting really involved with you. However if you are having sex with a married man, you are really really hurting his wife. That's really not fair on her. She's done nothing to hurt you and you are disrespecting her by having sex with her husband.

Original poster
sunset3000 · 08/12/2024 23:11

@PeriPeriMam what do you mean? Of course it's real!

OP posts:
ThisAquaCrow · 08/12/2024 23:11

If this is real yes you are horrible. Have some therapy.

PeriPeriMam · 08/12/2024 23:10

Is this made up?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/12/2024 23:09

You don’t want a relationship. In pursuing sex in affairs, you ensure you can’t have a relationship. Maybe a therapist could help you understand why.