Am I a horrible person?

You'll be on the other side of this one day because karma is a bitch. You'll be thinking the OW is a lovely person then, I'm sure.

You are a horrible person OP.You know very well what you are doing.

Doing horrible things doesn’t make you a horrible person. No one is perfect, but there comes a point when we have to recognise our behaviours, understand how it can be damaging to ourselves and other people and take some responsibility in making changes.

It appears you have incredibly low self esteem. Is it a ‘kink’ of only wanting taken men? Or is it deeper than that?

Do you enjoy the thrill of feeling ‘desired’ by a man who already has a woman at home, so that makes you feel superior and almost as if you’re “the chosen one” perhaps?

Either way, you must be aware your behaviour encourages the breakdown of relationships, marriages and families? That’s nothing to be proud of or smug about. The only thing is it’s the man who has the deal with the aftermath. You can slip away and have no ties to these women and children affected.

I agree with PP’s in that therapy could help you.

No you are not a horrid person the men should be more truthful.
Im 38 and also have a son at 21y.
I love single life and would never change it how i like to see it is im having fun if men dont want to honest not my bloody problem.

Live your life without regret op.

No you are not a horrid person the men should be more truthful.
Im 38 and also have a son at 21y.
I love single life and would never change it how i like to see it is im having fun if men dont want to honest not my bloody problem.

Live your life without regret op.

Your actions here are shitty. I can't say whether you're a horrible person or not on balance as i don't know that but this is a very unsavoury side of you and I wouldn't want a friend like this. Doesn't really matter what your motivations are, you're participating in something horrible. Expediency isn't really a good reason.

What a vile piece of misogyny.

"I think I'm a kind, caring, thoughtful, helpful and just generally nice person."

I don't. I doubt their wives or girlfriends or children would think you are nice or kind either. I agree with your more recent discovery, that you are a horrible person, one who is willing to devastate another woman and tear apart her life purely because you prefer taken men. And yes, I get that the men are pigs in this situation but you are by no means innocent.

I don't know if you're a horrible person, but this feels sleazy because it is sleazy.

And it's not FWB. You are the AP

I'd suggest work on your self esteem amd stop sleeping with married men if you want to be happier

You might also like to reflect on what sort of role model you want to be for your son

You're not a horrible person. But you have done horrible things. Your behaviour isn't who you are because you can change your behaviour.

Don't beat yourself up. Because that's not healthy and you feel bad enough about it anyway.

It might be beneficial to get some therapy to discuss why you like unavailable men.

Putting aside 'morality' and any responsibility you may have to their wives (which is debatable) why do you want to be the means by which truly horrible men get to have two women? These nasty sneaky cheats don't deserve any relationship at all, so why on earth would you enable them to get two? There are so many better quality men out there than these 'taken' ones, who remember are only 'taken' because their wives don't know what they're like, not because they're a prize you're lucky to be winning. Most of these men if discovered would be kicked to the curb immediately and be skulking in a bedsit or back in their mums spare rooms, complete losers, unwanted by their partners. So you really should think about why theyre good enough for you.

The men are ultimately at fault here.

Does it make you are horrible person? I don’t know. I have a friend who does similar to you, but through sex sites. She wants no strings sex and so do plenty of married men apparently.

I don’t understand people saying it’s not on the woman, it’s the married man’s fault. They are both knowingly inflicting pain on other women and often on the children in the relationship. It’s selfish behaviour and shows a lack of empathy.

@SantoriniSunrise I have reported your hideous misogynistic post. No woman deserves to be murdered, for any reason.

Gross, only liking taken people.
It's like seeing a person as a possession, to be had if you want it. Weird.

I’m wondering what relationship was modelled for you by your parents. How was/is your relationship with your own dad?
If you genuinely never give the other women a thought or don’t feel any remorse you could be a sociopath. It’s more common than people realise.
Not saying this lets you off the hook, but you could be 🤔. A therapist would know far more. I think you should talk it out with someone as your behaviour could potentially hurt lots of people if uncovered.

I have a friend who only goes for married men. She is really nice in all other ways, empathetic, thoughtful, but I have lost count of how many married men she sleeps with and she genuinely doesn't give the wives a second thought and has no guilt at all. She isn't a horrible person but that aspect her isnl a bit horrible. Maybe you're like that? Not horrible, but would be better if you didn't sleep with other people's husbands.

The men are the shits, not you. However you’ve probably weird morals, you spend time with some low life who cheats on his partner.

That's probably why Claudia Lawrence was murdered, because she had multiple affairs with married men, and men with partners.

Apparently she'd wasted ten years in a relationship with a man who she thought would leave his partner for her but never did. After this, she only ever pursued men who were unable to commit.

The OP asked if what she was doing made her a horrible person. People have answered her question.

You want sex without complications so are using these mens wives as a shield against them wanting more from you. You think your position as the uncomplaining OW who offers no strings sex gives you the upper hand with the men, as they can't ask anything of you or criticise you because they are on the moral backfoot in your opinion. To nurture this belief and keep doing what you're doing requires a huge amount of cognitive dissonance as deep down you know that you're enabling low life men to harm other women, and now and again that truth breaks through and you wonder how you can do it. Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to find single men who don't want a relationship? The world's not running short of them anytime soon.

OP I think you should have more self respect, truly reflect on how much you really value yourself if your only relationships (and they are relationships) are with men who prioritise another woman. It might feel like a power trip knowing you have this secret and that you can blow a families world up whenever you please. But consider it further - do these men really respect you? Even if they told you that you're the centre of their universe, their actions speak otherwise. You're just an outlet for the their most sordid and based nature who they would be ashamed to publicly acknowledge.

OP genuinely I think you are committing a very cruel act of self harm against yourself

You're not interested in a relationship, which is completely fair enough. Many people aren't fussed either.

But instead you've chosen to sleep around with other men who are involved with other women. So you don't want your own relationship, but you're happy to take a role in destroying someone elses?
Yes, the man you are sleeping with are just as bad, if not worse, but to actively pursue men already in relationships is... very, very weird, and not a glowing endorsement of your personality or morals.

I think this is something to unpick with a therapist, not an online forum.

You're as horrible as the supposedly committed men you're shagging.
What other answer is there?

Keep telling yourself that everyone cheats if it helps to justify your shitty behaviour.