Am I a horrible person?

I don’t agree with messing around with a man that has a partner, whether that’s dating him, having sex or both. I wouldn’t want it done to me so would not do this to another lady. I wouldn’t want you as my friend if this is acceptable behaviour to you. Our values would not align

It sounds like you have attachment issues /a fear of attachment. You like taken men because you know they are only out for sex and don’t want a relationship. The problem is that this arrangement is hurting other people (the wife, the children, their family…). I would advice you to work with a therapist to find out why you only want sex or the chase, without any relationship. I would also advice you to avoid taken men, look for free men and be clear that all you want is a regular hook up. There is nothing wrong with that if you’re both ok with that. But don’t do stuff that you know hurts other people. That is just horrible

No you're not a horrible person. I was watching an episode of Dr Phil on you tube and there's lots of women and men like you.
They probably feel like safe relationships too you because you know from the start there's no longevity to it so you won't get hurt when it doesn't work out.
That's not saying what you're doing it right; maybe try get some counselling to sort through why you either consciously or unconsciously don't want a committed relationship.

Haven't read all the replies but my response to original post is this. I was treated like a pile of dog poop by several men. I did have 2 very short lived things with attached men. I wouldn't do it now but looking back my barriers were up. I didn't want to be hurt anymore and felt I knew where I stood with them. Ie no relationship possible. I wouldn't do it again and I'm not proud of it, only telling 1 friend as I knew I would be judged. I wouldn't have a long term thing with married man. Wrong if he is seeing u and leaving wife with all childcare as that happened to me.
Maybe you are scared to be hurt and this is your way now controlling it

Vile behaviour!

Respectfully, You have low self esteem and you don’t love yourself to think you deserve your own person. Seek therapy.

Disagree! Children aren't stupid. They can feel the effects of an unhappy home. If one partner is useless, chances are high there are arguments, unhappiness and eventually a lack of love! Nobody wants to be brought up in a home like that!!!
With affairs, sometimes the partner being cheated on is blindsided because there is still "love" in the relationship, and happiness, and their family life seems good!

@Skyrainlight I wouldn't be the OW either but that's beside the point. If your best friend left her husband because he was a bit boring and useless would you have the same disdain for her? You'd probably congratulate her, that's the hypocrisy. The result is the same-a broken family and hurt kids, just no OW to place all the blame on.

If you only shag men who are taken, then you are not a nice person op. Sorry to say it. If you know someone is in a relationship then they are off limits and you are as bad as them if the two of you are getting it on behind some innocent woman’s back. Get some therapy, raise your bar, maybe just stay single for a bit!

I had a work colleague who was not a “nice”
person she was pretty difficult and tough in junior colleagues. She was a single mother and met a lovely guy they dated for about 6 months before she found out he was in a relationship and she was pregnant. She was very upset particularly about the long term pregnant girlfriend and dumped him immediately. She went massively up in my estimation.

Its absolute tripe that married men 'aren't available' so it can't be the reason any woman seeks them out to have affairs.
If you find its a pattern of behaviour then why not go for therapy to explore that instead of announcing the fact to other women?

Yes OP. You are.

If a man can be "tempted" into going off with an OW then he was never a good husband and the marriage did not have a chance of lasting 30+ years.

The only reason you don't see younger generations in 30+ year marriages is because people are marrying later (not a bad thing) and they haven't lived long enough. The reason I haven't been married 30 years is because I didn't get married in pre-school, not because I'm not committed to my husband!

@oakleaffy

Both the number of divorces and the divorce rate have decreased apparently.

Probably partly due to finances being squeezed I guess and the fact people now marry later and have probably cohabited for longer before marrying.

Probably because far fewer couples are getting married?.

I only ever like taken men

You want to know why?

A low sense of self-worth and a poor moral compass.

And some morals. @sunset3000 .
Have some standards for goodness sakes.

Other Women’s partners should be off the menu.

@Firefly1987

If people actually took marriage or relationships seriously like in the olden days where people were married for 40+ years until one of them died there would probably be less people cheating. Now relationships are temporary and a few years at best because people know marriage isn't for life.

Divorce rates have dropped, not increased - this graph shows the trend in the UK. And in 2022, the number of divorces in England and Wales reached the lowest level since 1971.

Yes, you are absolutely horrible - as are the men you decide to sneak around with.

You don't want a relationship, but you do want to feel loved.

A relationship with a taken man, means you get all the best bits, the love, sex, them making an effort, but none of the crappy bits like his washing or moods.

I'm not going to have a go at you, but you do need to speak to someone.

I think you need to look up the world hypocrisy. I don't cheat, I wouldn't be the other woman, I wouldn't break up a family. Not hypocrisy, I live by what I believe. You go with your sloping shoulders view that no one has to take responsibility for their actions or have morals, I on the other hand will live by mine. Maybe your relationships are temporary but I wouldn't call my 26 year relationship temporary.

No but I'm saying it's a lot worse to break up a marriage that has a decent chance of lasting 30+ years than one which will most likely end a few years down the line anyway.

Well if those stats are true that's very good news-fewer kids from broken homes.

Would you encourage your son to cheat? Would you think you'd done a good job of raising him if he had affairs? Or would you rather he felt loveable and able to love someone in a trusting relationship? If you want that for him and not for yourself, it's worth thinking more about what's going on and why you're in this situation. There's a legitimate path of what some call ethical non monogamy where you don't have to commit but you also don't have to be shitting on other women in the process. But if you actually get off on being some guy's dirty secret cum dumpster then that's a whole other thing that you should probably do a whole load of work on. The bad person label is too easy and unhelpful. It's no bad thing if you're starting to question things and reassess your actions, needs and self worth.

Are you trying to suggest that in the "old days" people didn't have affairs? 😂It was certainly easier to hide an affair, before paternity tests and mobile phones to give you away, but that did not mean they didn't happen. My Mum's parents both had other partners who she remembers well. The fact they remained married until my grandfather died does not mean there was any commitment or respect between them, just that divorce was not easy.

The divorce rate has been falling for quite some time and the 2022 rate was the lowest since 1971. You're talking rubbish.

So you're including all parents who get divorced (for reasons other than abuse etc.) as playing a part in children's tears? There doesn't need to be an OW for parents to split up and kids to be hurt.

The fact is divorce isn't a big deal these days and kids are expected to just get on with it if their parents split up. If people actually took marriage or relationships seriously like in the olden days where people were married for 40+ years until one of them died there would probably be less people cheating. Now relationships are temporary and a few years at best because people know marriage isn't for life. I've never been the OW btw but it's just hypocrisy.