Page 2 | Tattoo of XH name

TheSilkWorm · 09/12/2024 07:54

Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft · 08/12/2024 23:04

I think laser is the preferred option but I guess a cover up might suffice.
He’s told me part of his reasoning for detesting this tattoo is he is traditional and doesn’t like them at all.

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Tell him to get to fuck. I assume that's not your only tattoo? Even if it is, it's your body and your choice. If he was 'traditional' he shouldn't have dated someone with tattoos. I have a tattoo with my wedding date in it and the subject of the tattoo relates directly to my husband. I got it knowing 100% that if we split up I will not regret the tattoo and would never cover it up or remove it. Your tattoo is part of your story and if you don't want to cover it then don't! I am absolutely sure most of the YABU votes are from people who just hate tattoos and judge you for getting one in the first place.

MumblesParty · 09/12/2024 07:51

charabang · 09/12/2024 07:21

I think if it bothered my new partner I would get it removed. I had my EXH's name on my wrist lasered off but that was because I didn't want to see it. I can understand that your partner might not like to see your ex's name whenever he stares at your neck in bed. What is more problematic is his 'traditional' stance as that implies he wants to be able to tell you what you can or can't do with your own body.

I took “traditional” to mean he just doesn’t like tattoos, not that he was controlling and old fashioned.

charabang · 09/12/2024 07:21

I think if it bothered my new partner I would get it removed. I had my EXH's name on my wrist lasered off but that was because I didn't want to see it. I can understand that your partner might not like to see your ex's name whenever he stares at your neck in bed. What is more problematic is his 'traditional' stance as that implies he wants to be able to tell you what you can or can't do with your own body.

RampantIvy · 09/12/2024 06:56

This is why decent tattooists won't tattoo partners names on people.

One of my friends has had tattoos lasered off and she said it was extremely painful.

Poppins21 · 09/12/2024 06:53

Blueberrymuffin8 · 08/12/2024 21:10

I wouldn't particularly like if my husband's ex's name was written on his body. Then again I'd hate any tattoo. I think they look awful.

I agree

Caerulea · 09/12/2024 01:48

Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft · 08/12/2024 23:04

I think laser is the preferred option but I guess a cover up might suffice.
He’s told me part of his reasoning for detesting this tattoo is he is traditional and doesn’t like them at all.

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On one hand I can totally see his point, it would be very weird to see your partners exes name on their body. Helluva lesson in never getting partners names tattooed on you! I also know how easy it is to forget the ones you never/rarely see - I've a full spinal & completely forget about it

HOWEVER, his 'traditionalist' view on tattoos would mean I'd get a cover-up with something delicate down my neck & onto my back. I'd 100% not get it lasered off & nothing to replace it.

Have you got any more or just that one?

OliveWoe · 09/12/2024 00:43

Ironironiron · 09/12/2024 00:04

My immediate thought was 'is it on his right arm?' as obviously then it would be the perfect joke that its so he can tell his left from right! I have actually seen that on someone's feet before😂

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It's not really an R, I changed the letter for anonymity's sake, but if it were, I would totally run with your point and get him to tattoo an "L" onto his left arm! 😂

Ironironiron · 09/12/2024 00:04

OliveWoe · 08/12/2024 21:38

My DH has a massive letter "R" on the top of his arm - it's his first wife's initial. When we met, I asked what it was for, he told me, and we laughed about how the tattoo had outlasted the marriage.

When we got married, he offered to get it removed, or have a cover up done, but I'm not bothered, I told him it will be a good lesson for our kids on the permeance of tattoos! We now have 2 DDs in their late teens, and no tattoos yet!

If it had been his first wife's full name rather than just the initial, I suspect I would have felt differently, so I do see your DP's point, and I would consider myself fairly tolerant of this sort of thing!

My immediate thought was 'is it on his right arm?' as obviously then it would be the perfect joke that its so he can tell his left from right! I have actually seen that on someone's feet before😂

Ironironiron · 09/12/2024 00:01

The laser treatment for removal is painful and depending on how well the laser takes/the size/age of the tattoo means that you'll probably have to have quite a few sessions to remove it. Plus it often leaves ugly blue markings. The trouble is if you have a cover up, it's often very large.

I'm guessing your hair doesn't cover it?

I can see your new dps point of view but say if you had lasered/inked over and then you split up would you then wish you'd left it as it was? Don't mean to be negative but just something to consider.,

Whattodowithelves · 08/12/2024 23:37

Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft · 08/12/2024 21:08

I have my XH name on the back of my neck, it’s just under my hairline. I was married for twenty yrs, and we have 3 beautiful children. It doesn’t bother me, I don’t think about it and I can’t see it but new DP of 3.5 yrs wants it gone. He doesn’t want to see it, and it makes him unhappy.
So. Am I unreasonable because I think he’s being ridiculous or am I unreasonable for not getting rid of it to please him?

Flip it.

How would you feel if his ex's name was on his neck?

TequilaNights · 08/12/2024 23:34

Honestly, if this is a relationship you see going for a long time, I'd just get a cover up.

MrsToothyBitch · 08/12/2024 23:12

Tricky because he's allowed to say he doesn't like it (and I can see why it would be jarring) but he doesn't get to compel you to do anything with your body. If you feel moved to cover it up, then do it, but he doesn't get to choose that for you.

My friends husband had a tattoo of his exes name. It was quite big as it was lengthways on his arm and it wasn't a short name. "Marjorie" accompanied him up the aisle because he kept needing scheduled surgeries at regular intervals for a period of time so couldn't really book a cover up. She's gone now though. I don't think my friend loved it but she understood the delay in banishing it and she felt secure in the relationship.

foodforclouds · 08/12/2024 23:06

Lost me at “he is traditional”. what does that mean??

Original poster

Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft · 08/12/2024 23:04

Branleuse · 08/12/2024 23:00

Get a cover up tattoo. Why wouldn't you?
My husband had his exes name tattooed on his neck.
I asked him to get it covered, which he did.

I think laser is the preferred option but I guess a cover up might suffice.
He’s told me part of his reasoning for detesting this tattoo is he is traditional and doesn’t like them at all.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 08/12/2024 23:00

Get a cover up tattoo. Why wouldn't you?
My husband had his exes name tattooed on his neck.
I asked him to get it covered, which he did.

Original poster

Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft · 08/12/2024 22:58

SierraBee · 08/12/2024 22:43

Go on Tattoo fixers and get a huge back piece (eurgh I hate that word).

A huge back piece seems a little extreme to cover something that’s probably 5cms x 2cms but you could be on to something 🤣

OP posts:

SierraBee · 08/12/2024 22:58

He's felt a burning resentment for 3 years and he's finally had enough. Tolerance on the wane so he's speaking his mind. Same as all relationships really, can't stay tolerant forever.

Original poster

Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft · 08/12/2024 22:56

DazedAndConfused321 · 08/12/2024 22:39

I'd understand the discomfort- why would you not remove it? Because you think your new DP shouldn't be bothered by it?

What about a cover-up?

Thank you for your opinion :)
I don’t like that it makes him uncomfortable and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable, I just don’t appreciate the pressure now.
The tattoo hasn’t just popped up. It’s been there the whole time but suddenly it’s an issue. I guess this is why I’m a little taken a back.

OP posts:

Noseybookworm · 08/12/2024 22:53

I probably wouldn't like it either but it's your body and your choice at the end of the day. If you're not going to get it removed, tell him straight and put an end to any further discussion. Then it's up to him to decide if it bothers him enough to walk away or not!

Bobocks · 08/12/2024 22:48

I'm Henry the Eight I am,
I got married to the widow next door
She's been married seven times before
Everyone was an Henry
She wouldn't have a Willie or a Sam
I'm her eighth old man named Henry
Henry the Eight I am.

SierraBee · 08/12/2024 22:43

Go on Tattoo fixers and get a huge back piece (eurgh I hate that word).

sanityisamyth · 08/12/2024 22:42

Blueberrymuffin8 · 08/12/2024 21:10

I wouldn't particularly like if my husband's ex's name was written on his body. Then again I'd hate any tattoo. I think they look awful.

This.

ForeverPombear · 08/12/2024 22:41

gamerchick · 08/12/2024 21:58

The amount of people who just flippently suggest getting them removed. A mega painful experience that leaves scars. For a NEW partner no less
Seriously weird on here about tattoos.

I wouldn't say 3.5 years is new. Some people are married that far in.

DazedAndConfused321 · 08/12/2024 22:39

I'd understand the discomfort- why would you not remove it? Because you think your new DP shouldn't be bothered by it?

What about a cover-up?

Scout2016 · 08/12/2024 22:21

You had it when he chose to be with you, 3.5 years ago. He made his choice. Why would you be expected to get rid now, has something changed?
I think most cover ups need at least some laser sessions first and as well as the pain that's all expensive and time consuming. But he's your children's father and you aren't bothered about it. You have 20 years of history and 3 children with him, that can't be lasered or covered up. He's always in the picture to some degree.