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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Eating out with kids

86 replies

wantnoscrubs · 08/12/2024 20:56

Whenever we get together as a family at a restaurant, my sister insists on spreading her four kids around the dinner table. Her theory is that it's not fun or fair for them to be shoved on the end and this way all the adults share the load of entertaining them,. This was the case as our aunts 70th birthday meal recently and I just cringed as there were no family members there. No one ever says anything and it's so awkward. We have a family wedding coming up and will be eating together with the bride and groom on the run up to the wedding and I just dread the moment they all spread around the table. They are very lively and chatty kids and won't just sit there quietly. They are aged between 5-8 - AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
wantnoscrubs · 08/12/2024 22:09

LostittoBostik · 08/12/2024 22:00

The other way to look at it is that their mum (and dad if on the scene) is equally deserving of a little bit of adult conversation and it's everyone's job at a family event to share the load with the children. And if they're well behaved (which presumably they are otherwise she'd be too mortified to spread them out away from her) then it's a chance for them to actually learn about conversation from someone else.

It's really good for the kids AND for the parents. This is what families are about - sharing wisdom and kindness. Let the poor mum have a glass of wine and a chat about something, anything, else other than peppa bleedin' pig.

Fair enough for me as I'm her sister, but what about for example, our 80 year old great uncle, or in the case of a few weeks time, our cousin (the groom) and his bride to be?

OP posts:
LostittoBostik · 08/12/2024 22:00

The other way to look at it is that their mum (and dad if on the scene) is equally deserving of a little bit of adult conversation and it's everyone's job at a family event to share the load with the children. And if they're well behaved (which presumably they are otherwise she'd be too mortified to spread them out away from her) then it's a chance for them to actually learn about conversation from someone else.

It's really good for the kids AND for the parents. This is what families are about - sharing wisdom and kindness. Let the poor mum have a glass of wine and a chat about something, anything, else other than peppa bleedin' pig.

daliesque · 08/12/2024 21:51

Fuck no. She needs to get a babysitter or send apologies. I wouldn't entertain any kid sat next to me, especially if I wasn't related to them or even if

Didimum · 08/12/2024 21:49

They are family gathering, so I don’t see the harm in the kids being integrated with the group. Siblings tend to be worse behaved when seated together in my experience.

niadainud · 08/12/2024 21:47

TheaBrandt · 08/12/2024 21:13

God sat next to someone else’s “chatty” 6 year old that’s that meal ruined.

Oh, I don't know. I think it would be quite an occasion if God was dining in the restaurant. And presumably you wouldn't need to buy any wine.

Christmaseason · 08/12/2024 21:45

I’d hate this, other people’s DC including nieces and nephews are boring and if I’m paying a lot of money for a meal I want to choose who I’m sitting next to.

Wonderlust233 · 08/12/2024 21:41

I think her children are probably better behaved because they have had the opportunity to do this.

Also... Four kids between age 5-8??? If she does, give her a break. I'd rather have kids mixed in with adults than at the end of the table being loud on ipads.

WickedlyCharmed · 08/12/2024 21:34

TheaBrandt · 08/12/2024 21:13

God sat next to someone else’s “chatty” 6 year old that’s that meal ruined.

Yep. I do not want to go to my aunt's 70th birthday dinner and have to spend the meal entertaining my "chatty" 6 year old niece because her parents can't be arsed.

Bex5490 · 08/12/2024 21:33

Kids can’t help but take over a conversation/situation.

I work with kids and have my own but wouldn’t want to be sat next to a random chatty kid for dinner.

Childcare is effort.

I’d love to send my kids off to sit with whoever while I enjoyed my dinner and some wine in peace, but I can’t because they’re my responsibility!

She’s cheeky AF - But tbf I can imagine that by the time you have four, you stop caring what people think and just do whatever helps you survive!

Edwina8320 · 08/12/2024 21:29

TheaBrandt · 08/12/2024 21:13

God sat next to someone else’s “chatty” 6 year old that’s that meal ruined.

I'm afraid I agree with this. However much I love my young nephews and nieces I wouldn't want to spend a whole meal entertaining them, and certainly not children I don't know.

Horatiostrumpet · 08/12/2024 21:29

Oh this is a genius idea - I always get left with the kids at family dos (some of them are mine admittedly). I'm going to start plonking them down next to random relatives and letting them learn about pokemon.

Original poster
wantnoscrubs · 08/12/2024 21:28

Franjipanl8r · 08/12/2024 21:26

Have you asked your sister if these meals out actually suit her? I wouldn’t take my kids to a posh restaurant at all.

We do a bit of everything, family meals round each others houses. Casual restaurants and cafes with the kids. This is if she is invited to a special occasion like a birthday etc. and she has the option to come or not like anyone does

OP posts:
Original poster
wantnoscrubs · 08/12/2024 21:27

wafflesmgee · 08/12/2024 21:19

I think mix them in but then split them off after one course is a good compromise?
It's nice to include them, good to build their social skills and to give mum a chance to have a break. But I agree the whole meal is a bit much.
I remember nearly crying with loneliness at in-laws gatherings when my children were young and sat completely on a diff table with me, I'd sit there thinking "we could just be at home, why r we even here?" Whilst everyone else had a good time, I felt like a rejected nanny and was in desperate need of a break/adult interaction.
Equally, children can be so, so annoying sometimes.
So I can see both sides.

A completely separate table is a bit harsh!

OP posts:
Franjipanl8r · 08/12/2024 21:26

Have you asked your sister if these meals out actually suit her? I wouldn’t take my kids to a posh restaurant at all.

Lwrenn · 08/12/2024 21:25

wafflesmgee · 08/12/2024 21:19

I think mix them in but then split them off after one course is a good compromise?
It's nice to include them, good to build their social skills and to give mum a chance to have a break. But I agree the whole meal is a bit much.
I remember nearly crying with loneliness at in-laws gatherings when my children were young and sat completely on a diff table with me, I'd sit there thinking "we could just be at home, why r we even here?" Whilst everyone else had a good time, I felt like a rejected nanny and was in desperate need of a break/adult interaction.
Equally, children can be so, so annoying sometimes.
So I can see both sides.

Fucking fuckeroo, you were left at the kids table?!

That is wildly rude and unfair.
I would have sat with you pal!

Franjipanl8r · 08/12/2024 21:24

I’d be pretty pissed off if I paid for a meal that was constantly interrupted as I was forced to babysit someone else’s child.

Absolutely fine if it’s family and eating at someone’s house. But not out and about when paying for a meal.

Ratrags · 08/12/2024 21:23

Its time to step up, the next generation need our guidance and our wisdom.

Challenge them with ideas, and try to make them laugh.

shocked jurassic park GIF
Original poster
wantnoscrubs · 08/12/2024 21:21

I did think this would get a mix response which is why I was interested to ask

I haven't got any kids (can you tell?)
I love my nieces and nephews and I think they are great kids.

Im not saying it's a nightmare if we are grabbing a quick family meal. Im talking more along the lines of special occasions and when it's not just us as a family. Sometimes it's at quite posh restaurants where adults are spending quite a lot of money and I can't help but shake the feeling (cause I feel this way) that most would be happier chatting as adults rather than playing dobble at the dinner table in this circumstance

OP posts:
wafflesmgee · 08/12/2024 21:19

I think mix them in but then split them off after one course is a good compromise?
It's nice to include them, good to build their social skills and to give mum a chance to have a break. But I agree the whole meal is a bit much.
I remember nearly crying with loneliness at in-laws gatherings when my children were young and sat completely on a diff table with me, I'd sit there thinking "we could just be at home, why r we even here?" Whilst everyone else had a good time, I felt like a rejected nanny and was in desperate need of a break/adult interaction.
Equally, children can be so, so annoying sometimes.
So I can see both sides.

lovelysunshine22 · 08/12/2024 21:15

I couldn't think of anything worse than being sat next to someone's child and being expected to entertain them for a meal! Its lazy, selfish parenting!

Scarydinosaurs · 08/12/2024 21:15

We sometimes have this set up too. It’s nice to be able to talk to the children and have proper conversations with them too.

It’s so much better than having kids on tablets.

As a compromise could the children sit like this for the main course, and then for desserts move to one end?

TheaBrandt · 08/12/2024 21:13

God sat next to someone else’s “chatty” 6 year old that’s that meal ruined.

SmalllChange · 08/12/2024 21:13

wantnoscrubs · 08/12/2024 21:08

Really interesting to see a mix of opinions!

What about at a restaurant with non-immediate family members or friends? Not just close family

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Even better to get to know them.

Especially if they're well behaved and polite.

SmalllChange · 08/12/2024 21:11

wantnoscrubs · 08/12/2024 21:03

They aren't badly behaved to be fair! But they are very chatty and engaged so no chance of adult conversation

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I mean if it's a family gathering and they're chatting to family members, I can't see how that's particularly a bad thing?

Do you have kids of your own OP?

If so, do you bring them to family meals?

Floralnomad · 08/12/2024 21:10

I can’t see the problem with this as long as they are being polite