Eating out with kids

I've spent the last 17 years entertaining my own kids at meals out. Theve just come to an age where they dont want to come out or will happily sit with me and I can now enjoy a meal out with adult conversation. I would be well unimpressed if I got sat next to a young child that I was expected to entertain. She needs to look after her own children when out, not push them onto others so she can relax!

My opinion depends on how much of the time is dictated by the meal.

I have four young children. Yes, they monopolize conversation with mundane topics and require help with food or going to the loo. I generally assume that relatives will want/be willing to spend some time indulging that. But that they will also want to have other conversation. We often aim for somewhere like a pub with a garden. The meal is eaten together, and then some (usually the men it seems) head out to supervise children with a drink while others stay inside.

I can we its annoying if you only get to speak to a 5yo.

I wouldn't expect the kids to be shoved at the end of the table, but I certainly would expect them to be sitting with their own parents and for their own parents to be responsible for keeping an eye on them. It's a bit shit to spread them around with random adults who then have to spend the entire meal engaging with them and not being able to join in any adult conversation.

Teenagers are a different matter though. My DD is 6 and reasonably well behaved but there’ll still be mum can you cut this up for me and mum I dropped my napkin and a monologue about the plot of Frozen 2 and then she’ll want to play I spy… I’m happy sitting next to her as she’s my kid but you can’t pretend it’s the same as sitting next to a small adult 😂

@MissRoseDurward that's a fair point, but equally I'd expect there would be several other factors that could limit the conversation, and at a family gathering I might need to circulate/seek people out to have those conversations. So I wouldn't necessarily see it as that different to be sat next to a child who only wants to talk about Pokémon than being sat next to Cousin Bob talking about golf when I really want to ask Aunt Susan about her new job. To me, that's just part of the nature of family gatherings (and I might try to steer the conversation away from Pokémon if I can).

The kids are probably very bored too! I love all my aunts and uncles but we always had a kids' end of the table with my cousins and it was much more fun than boring adult conversations about car financing, job woes and disputes with the neighbours! 😅

what exactly are you having to do that's different from sitting next to an adult?

Limit the conversation. No, I don't mean I would otherwise be swearing and talking about sex. But young children don't have the maturity or life experience to talk on equal terms with adults. Last restaurant meal I went to, topics of conversation included bereavement, illness, care for an elderly relative, renovation work on a property, professional interests.... things that had happened to the other people present since I last saw them, that I wanted to hear about, but which would be beyond the understanding of a young child, and frankly boring for them.

I am going to guess that when they go out for meals with their parents, these children know how to behave in a restaurant.

We have all lost sight of what families used to do, i come from a massive family, and we always mixed things up - when we were all together for a wedding or something we often had a teenage cousins table for after the main course, and the next age group down sometimes had a completely separate table, but we didn't banish their parents to that wasteland, they joined in with all of us having a conversation, and sometimes the older cousins helped with the younger ones, and sometimes the mad uncles/aunts. I remember my great aunt teaching us how to swear like troopers at my cousin's wedding. Such fun.

Does your sister actually have one of the kids day next to her ?

Those who wouldn't want to be sat next to a (related) child - how is it different from being sat next to a related adult that you may not have much in common with? Most people find they're more interested in talking to some family members than others, and it's easier to make conversation with some people for reasons including interests/opinions etc, but part of big family gatherings is being able to adjust your conversation style so you can chat to anyone, isn't it? The people describing it as babysitting/having to entertain them - what exactly are you having to do that's different from sitting next to an adult?

I don't have a huge amount in common with my teenage nieces & nephews, but I can chat to them over the course of a meal, because they're my family. Same with older family members in their 80s.

Also she has four!!! That is overkill frankly and will surely mean most adults
present are lumbered with one of
her offspring.

I do feel abit mean / Cruella De Vil saying this and if its a jolly family lunch at home at someone’s house and they slope off to play it’s fine. If it’s a headline meal out in a restaurant getting placed next to
a kid is a heartsink though.

Like when occasionally a friend brings her teen to our mums brunch. No I don’t want to talk about your gcses I have teens of my own I am here to see my friends!

If she's literally placing them by her choice next to random without asking them no. Its lazy and rude. If she is the sole parent? Then I'd expect her to sit with 2 on each side and be the one responsible for looking after them. Especially the younger ones.
Or ask specific family members ie you as aunty's or grandparents 'is it OK if x sits with you?'.
Not just randomly assign them for non family members to look after and entertain, that's mannerless. (And if asked I would be one to happily sit with a kid)
Is she the only one with children though? As if young kids are invited I would expect the vibe would be different and wouldn't really be expecting purely adult conversations and a posh meal tbh

i get that it's annoying. But how are children supposed to learn to get on with a variety of people and behave properly at a table if they don't get exposed to it?

I think it's great, actually. As long as they are well behaved, nobody has to assist them eating and your sister or their father jumps in if they behave badly.

Would you also be offended being seated next to an elderly family member with say hearing loss who refuses to wear a hearing aid? Dementia? Not exactly the most thrilling conversation? Maybe those over 80 should have to sit on different table?

It’s a family meal. Hence why family are invited and sitting next to family.

I cannot believe how people are talking about their nieces and nephews. At a family meal they’re my favourite people to sit next to. Maybe you need to improve your conversation skills if they’re having to take the lead. Ask if they believe in aliens? If they could name an insect what would they call it? If you could be invisible for the day what would you do?

Are you sure the kids aren’t choosing where they’re sitting? I definitely would place myself where I knew I’d be getting extra pudding/a laugh/slipped £20 for mentioning about my birthday.

I don’t understand why people who don’t want children within earshot in a restaurant agree to join a group with children in it. Wouldn’t you just go out to eat with someone else or suggest a child-free evening meal?

I am torn here because I can see why you find it annoying, but I also think a lot of kids find it annoying to be excluded by being put at the end of the table as if they’re not valued members of the family/gathering. I guess I would err on the side of being inclusive towards children but it seems reasonable for you to tell their mum “oh I really wanted to catch up with so and so today, is it okay if we rearrange the seats like this?”

Agree. The pp aggrieved because they pay over the odds to have lunch with their own children - imagine paying over the odds to have lunch with someone else's children!

Agree.

Well, this is pretty much what I was going to say. I have no kids. If I go out for a meal I want to chat with adults. 😂

I would prefer to be next to a chatty, entertaining kid than an adult riddled with social anxiety, waiting for me to fill in all the pauses and bring up topics I couldn’t care less about.

Because it has to be one or the other?

Eating out is more expensive now. If I'm spending money on a meal in a restaurant, I want to enjoy it, and part of that is free flowing conversation with other adults. It would be different in someone's home, or at a buffet, where it's easier to move around and talk to different people.

Agreed!!

Why would you need to actively parent or entertain a six year old during a meal? They sit down and eat like anyone else. When they are done they ask to leave the table and go and play somewhere suitable depending on the location. If they need anything during the meal, one of their parents is a seat away. How are they ever going to learn how to behave during a meal outside the immediate family if they are always set apart as if they were contagious. Surely we all have relatives of all ages we’d rather not sit with. I’d rather any six year old than cousin Bob who just wants to regurgitate the Daily Mail at someone.
There’s something frighteningly asocial about the posters who hate other people’s children so much. (OP seems frustrated by these particular children.)
Regarding non-close friends or non-family, if they propose a meal or accept an invitation I would expect them to consider my children part of the group. If they don’t, they should propose a different activity or not accept the invitation. You can’t meet with a group that includes children and then treat them as subhumans.

Entitled? My DC are 15, 13 and 10 - no-one
is expected to entertain them, or supervise them?? It would just be nice to eat as part of the group and converse with other members of the family, rather than as our family unit which we do every day.

Yeah - I didn't have kids because I find kids boring and stressful. A bit annoying that someone else imagines they can outsource the boredom and stress of their kids to me! Non merci.