…to be annoyed by the comment ‘you’re not a real mum if you only have one?’

This is an absolutely ridiculous thing to say.

You knoe, some people will just be smug and annoying about anything…. This will carry on through the years, just you wait. You’ll reach a time when she will be comparing GCSE results and after that who is earning the most money!

argh either let it be water off a duck’s back and:or distance yourself.

and for what it’s worth I think that sometimes it’s the people who have not given birth to to their ‘biological’ children can be the most caring and nurturing of all mothers and fathers, what would she say there?

To give her the benefit of the doubt she sounds deranged, but I'd put my money on her just being a bitch.

Yes, I'm leaning towards the latter, based on the OP. A bit like the whole idea that you can only either love or hate Marmite, I mean really, what a load of bolleaux. People come up with these stupid statements from thin air, and worse still others nod in agreement without thinking.

I'm inclined to the think that while the statement is clearly without substance, it is hugely insightful about the person who chose to say it.

Eurgh idiots. Insensitive idiots. I don't think that is how most people feel at all - the biggest adjustment is definitely 0-1 child. Sure it adds a different dynamic having to stop them beating each other with a spoon or sitting on each other's head but you birthed a child, raised the child, did all the nights and cleaning up after them and everything else - and most importantly loving your child and providing a safe environment. How could you be any more of a mum than that?

In my opinion the hardest part of parenting has been the shock of capture going from 0 to 1.

Anyway, what a stupid thing to say. Of course it isn't true. No such thing as a 'proper mum'. She is a proper dick though.

Who was it who said one is like having a pet and two is like running a zoo? I can't remember, Caitlin Moran? Someone like that.

Obviously you are a proper Mum of one child but I think that there are long understood tangible differences about the mode of operation between one and more.

That's a ridiculous thing to say. I've never heard anyone say such a thing and it's just not true. Of course you're a real mum.

Don't give that silly comment another thought.

All the best to you.

Are you sure she wasn't joking? It's such a silly comment.

I can understand you feeling pissed off but I wouldn't distance myself from them. Why sprint you mention it next time you see them. Say that you find it awkward when they go on about having multiple kids and ask them to be more mindful of your feelings.

There are always going to be mothers with more challenging circumstances. It's not a competition.

The only time I can think of where I've rolled my eyes at a mother of a single child is when I read that dumb book by Phillipa Perry where she is so smug about her parenting skills but 'only' had one well behaved child. Although, to be fair, I'd have rolled my eyes just as much if she had had 6 children.

First, when we're feeling fragile comments get to us.
Second, we need to stop letting others define us.

Sally, did you just say, Not a real mum?
(Sally responds, defiantly or awkwardly.)
(Friends side with you or try and deflect or defend.)
Right, goodbye ladies.
Head up.

End of. Sounds like Sally is a bitch, tbh.

How rude. I’d distance myself and make some new mum friends I assure will be starting school soon so a natural point to change things.

Wow. Your “friend” is a knob.
You’re not oversensitive at all.
I have one child, I’m a “proper mum”

That is probably the most moronic comment I have ever heard. I couldn’t even bring myself to be offended by that: she is either being a goady cow or she’s as thick as pigshit.

No doubt the sort of person who also thinks you're not a proper woman unless you've given birth.

I have only one child and I wouldn't take this comment to heart, I'd probably just laugh at it because it's so ridiculous.

Stupid thing to say! Absolutely no one actually thinks that. They all had one child themselves at some point, did they not consider themselves real mums then?

I'm a mum to only 1 child, and I'm 100% a real mum!! What a bitch.

She’s an idiot, don’t give her another thought,

OP, honestly it is the type of twittering that someone not the brightest might come out with.

I don't for a second think its true.
Please mind yourself.
These are very sensitive painful emotions.

I have just recalled someone saying a version of that but she had her second, was drowning and found the juggling two really really hard.
She had loved just the one but her husband really wanted a second. Her second had colic for 6 weeks and it was hell.
I will tell you one thing, all of my children have very close 'only children' as friends, and without exception they are the lovliest, most well rounded, confident young adults you could possibly meet.

However, one of them (the one with the youngest second child in the group) made a passing comment which really stuck with me, which was that ‘You aren’t really a proper mum until you have two’. Her point was that if you haven’t had to manage two kids simultaneously and deal with their competing needs and personalities, then you haven’t done the hardest part of parenting and so you’re not a legitimate parent. The others didn’t really seem to disagree with her on this.

Was the comment aimed at you, or at the least a dig at you? If so, you might want to question the friendship. If it was just a statement made in a general sense, she'd just shown herself as having very little self-awareness and / or awareness of the people around her.

I am very happily childless by I choice. I have very, very strong opinions on the number of children people have - I do not ever voice these opinions as I am no more right or wrong than the next person, but for what it's worth, I have a huge amount of respect for those who limit the number, shall we say. You do you, and ignore the comment - of course you're a proper parent. I'm not, and I have never claimed to be.

Thanks a mil, you learn about people quickly don't you.

I've only read the OP and I'm from the 'child free' section of MN, but what an awful thing to say!
I'm not a mum, fair enough, but if you've got one, you're a real mum.
@Redcrayons has it right. Ignore, OP, she's a twat.

If she says it again I echo saying something like "Really? Gosh, how did her firstborn name manage for her first 3 years without a proper mum?"

I have one and I am definitely a bloody mum. I am knackered!

Not read all the comments so may be repeating this but as a mother to one child (who was not trying for another as I was no longer with the father of my child), this is so fucking rude. WTAF. Because I don't have more than one child I'm not a mother. FUCK. OFF.

I’d have pointed out that the reason I had one child by choice was precisely because parenting one child doesn’t involve juggling competing personalities. It’s great! You can be a parent, guess what — without having to do that! Everything is easier, cheaper, and less complex.

I'm so sorry, my son died 26 years ago and my daughter died 17 years ago, and I'm still their mum and always will be, just as your babies will always be your babies, and you will always be their mum.

Well done for cutting the person out, she's an absolute cunt and she doesn't deserve you.