…to be annoyed by the comment ‘you’re not a real mum if you only have one?’

I’m a real mum with one. And definitely a better mum than I’d be with two or more for sure. Lots of women try to make themselves feel better for having multiples and then regretting it.

I'm so sorry OP, it was an awful thing to say and I can see why it upset you.

Like you I had a difficult time conceiving, although I was very lucky in the end. I can remember sitting in the early pregnancy unit crying my eyes out over a scan that showed another loss, and trying to apologise to the nice nurse for making such a fuss. I will never forget how she took my hand, looked at me and said "of course you're upset, it was just a short time but you were their mum". I'm sure your friend would have disagreed about me being a mum then, but I'm no more of a mum now with children with me.

for you, it's a hard journey sometimes and you don't need someone's cruel comments making it worse.

She's an insensitive bitch. Her poor kiddos, stuck with such an insensitive and ignorant mother. Let's hope their father has more brains than their mum, if not they've got no hope x

Oh and I’ve heard the old ‘if you’ve never given birth vaginally then you haven’t given birth’. I’ve had 2 c sections. One was an emergency and the second elective after nearly losing my first due to medical negligence. I’ve heard that opinion several times and all I think is that it makes the person saying it look like a total imbecile.

That was an awful thing of her to say and quite frankly I think I would have got up and left. What a horrible hurtful thing of her to say. Especially as it sounds that you might have wanted more than one. I had to have IVF to have my first child and was very very fortunate to be able to have a second one later on. I thank my lucky stars every day. I think had I not been able to have a second that if someone had told me I was less of a mum for it I would have been very hurt. I’m not confrontational but I think I would have said something and shamed her on the spot there and then. I don’t see why you should forgo your friendships with the others but definitely don’t make any effort with this one OP and if she says it again call her out on it.

You're missing the point, I think.
She's referencing the type of person who judges women and motherhood by a made up standard (by insecure and competitive usu. women):
vaginal birth = giving birth; section doesn't
breast feeding=feeding; bottle feeding doesn't
genetically related =real children; adoption/ivf doesn't
one child = easy; multiple=real parenting
I had no idea about the judgements until I found parenting forums and mums' groups.
Example: at a playground, my child didn't want to share a toy with another child. The dad walked over as I was explaining sharing. He said, An only?
My dc was 1.5 years.
(And for the record his angel was grabby.)

OP, that’s absolute BS, I’m so sorry you had to sit with that.

I’d be more concerned about the dynamic of the group - when I’m out with my friends, regardless of their status, I always make sure the conversation includes them. Friends need to see and be seen by each other.

Are they otherwise supportive?

OP, when your child is an adult, you will realise that only one opinion on what sort of mum you are matters. Always did and always will. So any comments from anyone else should be water off a ducks back.

I'd have told her to fuck off, so firstly well done for not doing that. If she knows it took you a long time to conceive your first it's not exactly a leap to think that you might have had trouble conceiving a second, so it was a crap thing to say. I'd say something privately and give her a chance to apologise if you want to consider staying friends, but if you'd rather fade them out, that's as good a reason as any. She certainly sounds awful and I can see why you'd not want to see her again.

It is horrible to have that said to you by anyone. I have experienced similar comments from my Mother who said to me many years ago I had no right to called a Mother as I had only had 2 children. She had 7 and my four sisters had more than 2 each. I put it down to her jealously that I had interests and a life in addition to motherhood. As she was my Mother I have been obliged to maintain a relationship, you don't have to allow this person to remain part of your life. You are a mother and no doubt a good one.

So who is your DD's mother if it isn't you?

Being a mum is a relationship, it's not a status thing. No one else needs to validate it.
I hate those fucking boring martyrs who think you 'don't count' it your life isn't a struggle.

Having more than one child certainly brings a new level of parenting challenges, but not having these challenges does not make you any less of a mum. On the other hand having an only child brings a different set of challenges as you are the only source of entertainment for your child. Ignore her, she’s not an authority on what makes a mum a mum.

What a batshit thing to say.

Is she one of these fruitloops who thinks you're not a real mum if you have your DC by c-section? Or you can't be a proper mum if you work? Or you can't POSSIBLY know love if you're childfree?

Does she think the earth is flat? Ask her @notarealmum101

If she says 'why do you ask?' say 'hmm, just wondered' and walk off laughing.

What a strange thing to say! I can honestly say that I have never heard that one before (or anything that ridiculous to be honest). Of course you are a “real mum”. It sounds like you didn’t really enjoy the get-together. If you didn’t enjoy their company and if they were being quite insensitive (which left you feeling isolated by their conversations) then it might be best for you to distance yourself from them.

As a mum of one,I've had this comment directed at me a few times. The chief culprit was my ex-sister-in-law.

As a PP says I would think about the intent.

If she was trying to say that parenting multiple children is very different from parenting one, she is right a but she phrased it badly (maybe she's sitting at home now thinking 'why the fuck did I say that?) then I'd let it slide and wouldn't distance myself from the whole group because of it.

If she really does think that then she's a twat and you can do better than her friendship. She's also very wrong. There are so many different children and different variations of parenting that you can't possibly say one is 'real' parenting and another isn't.

God, that's awful. I'm my mum's only child and she definitely is a "real mum". Unbelievable that some people think like this

That's a complete fabrication that couldn't be inferred from any of the ops posts.

I don’t think she meant it with malice. It’s just something stupid people say which means it hard to have more than one. Just like someone might say ‘you’ve never lived till you’ve jumped out of a plane’ or ‘you’re not a real man till you’ve drank 10 pints’ or other bollocks. Of course you’re a real Mum, 100% no body thinks your not. Don’t push people away (if they are otherwise good friends) for putting their foot in their mouth.

It's like being dead. You're either a mum or you're not. Ignore the silly knob.

I suppose that they believe that women who have had no kids at all aren't proper women (even though we were born with vaginas and wombs).

Dear OP, I'm so sorry that you're going through fertility struggles. I am a One And Only mum too, due to my own fertility woes.
What you're going through must have made that comment feel even worse, but I hope you know that it was a silly thing for your friend to say and she probably didn't really mean it/was just trying to get a laugh.
You are a mother, plain and simple, and if it isn't meant to be that you can't have more than one DC, you will always be the best mum in the world for your child. Good luck for your next cycle OP xx

I can’t be either as l had a c section and IVF! Ok it was twins but details details 🤷‍♀️

This women sounds vile and deluded. Does she know you have fertility issues? Sounds like she’s fallen into that trap of my life is harder than yours -no one made her have more than one. I had a friend like this and our friendship didn’t survive. She was too wrapped up in herself and had no perspective. She said so many terrible things e.g. “at least you can go away for the weekend, l spend all my money on childcare” (after our first round of fertility treatment failed). “You need to be more patient” after l tried for 3 years to conceive -after 5 month of trying she went berserk

1 child, c-section, didn’t breastfeed, should probably hand mine over to social services now. She just said something stupid, if she’s generally nice I would let it pass, we all say or do stupid things occasionally.