…to be annoyed by the comment ‘you’re not a real mum if you only have one?’

What a horrible thing to say! I now have two children and fully appreciate the challenges of my husband and I meeting both their needs. But my friend is a single parent caring for two from when they were tiny; that's much harder: she never thinks she's a real Mum and I'm not! My life with two kids is different from my life with just one but my life before having my first was a thousand times more different! In fact my most challenging year of parenting was my first year when my oldest was a very high needs baby. She was an only child for a long time and I was absolutely a "real mother", her needs dominated my life. I'm sorry you're experiencing difficulties conceiving a second child. I hope you go on to have a second but if you don't then having just one can be wonderful. My DD1 benefited so much from her years of being our only priority and we could have set her up in life if we had only her to fund. I know some some very happy only children through DD's school friends and one close friend.

I get what you mean but nobody should have to lay anything on.

I only have one. He's 5 this week and I'm now the only one in 2 mum groups with an only. We haven't tried. We're happy.

I'm a fucking great mum (as are you I'm sure @notarealmum101 ) My son (who has additional needs) is absolutely thriving and so so loved. I have struggles with him that none of those other mums can comprehend. But even if he was the easiest kid ever, it doesn't fucking matter. I'm his mum. I am a mother. A REAL fucking mother, whatever that means. And so are you @notarealmum101 .

None of them have been insensitive enough to say anything outright in front of me but I do think some have similar thoughts to your "friend" at times.'

I'd have told her to fuck off and left, gone home to enjoy my lovely family 🙂

Yep. I know/have known quite a few women who regretted having more than one child, because it made life so much more difficult for them, changed the dynamic of the family, cost much more money, affected their marriage etc etc, and they envied couples with just one child. This woman sounds like that! Jealous for some reason.

Not all mums with more than one child think like this of course. I have 2 (girls, 1 year apart,) and don't feel this way.

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To give her the benefit of the doubt. If her second is still very new which it sounds, she could just be shell shocked and realising how hard two is. That doesn’t excuse her at all but if she is usually a good friend I’d be tempted to say she just worded it wrong. Obviously if she knows about your fertility issues she’s very out of order

It was thoughtless of her. Is she usually a bitch or just a bit thick with no filter?

What a silly and complety irrelevant comment! I have 2 children after struggling for 6 years and after having ivf.
There are so so many variables with being a parent. You're not more of a parent the more children you have! I suspect she's struggling with the dynamics of having 2 children, tired, a bit self centred and over whelmed. Never the less it's a rather stupid comment. Others wouldn't have said anything as people just tend to go along with things rather than tackle someone.
X

Utter bollocks.

You have to learn to ignore the utter bollocks that is in fact everwhere or you're going to be perpetually pissed off.

What nonsense. I am an only child and my mum is definitely a real mum. I bet this woman feels some insecurity about her ability to parent or envies you in some way OP (either parenting or otherwise) and wants to bring you down. Bitch.

I've had the same op
Very unkind comments, some completely unaware and would feel hurt if they realised they hurt me.
The only people who seem to be able to empathise are people who are experiencing infertility.

I have one and hate these type comments which are surprisingly common.
I usually just give a tight smile while thinking I should say “fuck the fuck off!”

Wow. What does she want, a medal? We're also likely to only have our son due to various health reasons and I'm happy with that and a very very proud mum.
Mums need to cheer each other on not compete against each other. Life isn't a competition xx

Someone I know said something similar to me because I had one at the time. 3 years of trying and multiple miscarriages trying to have my second which I didn't bring up. I just walked away and said absolutely nothing.The person saying it had 6 with 4 different men. I don't need to say anything that says it all even now it still pisses me off.

It was thoughtless. I think that she was just expressing how hard work having 2 is. Which it is. I think that she phrased it terribly, but sometimes our mouths speak without thinking and the words spill out. Just because no one disagreed doesn't mean that they agree. And it certainly doesn't mean that you are any less of a mum. Don't isolate yourself though by cutting them off. Do they know that you're having trouble conceiving? Is there one that you are closer to than the others that you could talk to over this?

What a cheeky fucker. I'd have said, "Can I just borrow your car keys, I fancy taking it for a spin. Why not? Are you an only child?"

Anyone can be a mother, a real mum is a good parent, whether you have one kid or 5.
Your a real mum, that woman is a real twat. Some women like to try and belittle others. I personally wouldn't want to hang around with someone with such a toxic vibe, but that comment is so rude I'd feel inclined to tell the asshole she's offended you and how dare she insinuate your not a real mother. She needs to grow up

That's not being honest, that's being a bitchy little dumbarse.

Some people have achieved very little with their lives and so when they push a baby out they feel like they finally have done something to make them feel superior, and they say things like, "You wouldn't understand unless you were a mother," or, "You don't know what tired is until you have a baby!"

Then they realise that the vast majority of people they know have also successfully managed to give birth and so they need to find something else to make them special.

"You don't know real love until you become a BOY MUM!"
"You think toddlers are hard? Just you wait until you have to manage a TEENAGER!"

And this woman has settled for, "You're not a real Mum if you only have one."

She sounds like a complete halfwit 🤣🤣
What she really means is, she can’t cope, and she’s bitter about having a second

She's talking bollocks and being shitty.

I think what she was cack handedly trying to say was that your workload more than doubles when you have 2 babies close together.

I remember a mum friend telling me that before I had DC2. She just told me as a warning re feeling knackered and don't worry if you can't do everything. She wasn't being a bitch or anything like that.

They sound boring and self obsessed to be honest. Do you have anything in common with them apart from similar aged kids?

it’s a stupid comment, not true and makes her sound thick.

id have laid it on thick and burst into tears, confessed to secondary infertility/miscarriages and sat there and sobbed and sobbed.

What a silly cow! Did anyone else hear her say that?

I accidentally clicked YABU instead of YANBU!

Not really you shouldn’t have to justify your family choices. It was an awful sentence to say and they should be ashamed of themselves.

It’s very poorly worded.
When I had my 2nd, my sister said the same thing. That I’d become a “proper” mum. She has one child!

So I think it’s just one of those poorly worded comments. But if they know of your struggles - then it was really insensitive of them.

Yanbu, however I get the impression she worded it wrong. I have 1 child and I can imagine having two would be harder work. I think this is what she meant to say. However it's not a race to the bottom. If course your a real mum. If these friends are not adding value then yes move on but if they are, stay.