…to be annoyed by the comment ‘you’re not a real mum if you only have one?’

WTAF of a stupid statement is that??

Of course you're a real mum.

Honestly some people are just stupid and there's not a lot you can do but ignore them.

So she had a child, but didn't feel like a real mum until she had her second one?

How bloody odd.

I've literally never heard this in my life.

If I saw her again I would probably make PA digs about her not being a real mum to her firstborn and ask her if she feels her kid suffered because they didn't have a Mum until they were 4, and then laugh as she explained her stupid opinion.

At best it was a completely thoughtless comment. Maybe she just really didn't think before she spoke. If you think she meant it as a dig I'd distance myself from her.

I have one too (8yrs old), definitely feel like I'm a proper mum.x

On a slight tangent, but a similar note, I despise the phrase "natural" birth.
It doesn't matter whether there was medication, a c section, anything whatsoever- as long as the baby came out the lady then that's a natural birth in my book!!!!
People to prissy and uptight to say vaginal birth.
Not that it's anyone's business to comment unless to offer support!

Well of course your a real mum! I assume she meant it's more challenging having two children but that also can very much depend on the needs of your children. Knowing you had one and saying it in front of you was crass and rude.

I presume she chose to have her children close together ? She could have waited until the first was at school but decided it suited her better to have them close together ? so she can't really complain about the difficulties of being a 'proper' parent due to her personal choice can she ? She can have a moan about how hard it is wrangling two children close together in age, we can all have a moan about the various trials and tribulations of being a parent. I have three and had them well spaced out , there are pro's and con's to any situation.

If you have a child, by any means, you are a 'proper' parent. Talking shit doesn't make you a 'proper' parent, it just makes you a knob !

Well she's clearly a twat so I wouldn't pay her much mind to be honest

I mean yeah parenting is a totally different dynamic when you have more than one which she was maybe clumsily trying to say but I whether I thought it or not I'd certainly not express it unless I was in company that all had more than one child otherwise it's just plain insensitive to what you may be going through

I have twins and someone once said to me because they were boy girl and not identical I hadn't had "real" twins 🤔 so some people are just imbeciles

Nobody else doesn't think you are a proper mum, I do however think that woman is awful and I would steer well clear of her. There isn't a number requirement to be a proper mum. To me a proper mum is one who loves her child/children and takes care of them well, it's not about numbers FFS. Don't let her get you down. xx

What an utter dickhead she is.

I've never understood this ridiculous comment! So what are you to the child? Some mysterious aunt? A lady who just does childcare? No you are the child's MOTHER end of story. If you give birth to a child you are their mother and that's the end of that. Yanbu op it's stupid and rude. I was certainly a 'real mum' when I just had one.

Urgh I'm sorry
I've got (and will only have) one, I could def claim I've parented harder due to my child's life changing medical problems. You could claim you love your child more deeply due to your fertility journey. We wouldn't though because we're not dicks! But everyones experiences are different and you know her statement is not true so just ignore, and mentally distance yourself a bit.

Never heard such silliness
Ignore her of course you're a proper mummy

A ridiculous comment, and insensitive to boot.

But I would stay with the group and give them a heads up that you are feeling a bit raw about so much ‘second child’ talk, and have a few useful generic comments in your back pocket that you don’t have to think about.

”ouch… from my position “
” I am the wrong audience for that “
”That doesn’t match my experience “

Awful thing to say!! I’m a mum of 1 by choice and she just turned 18! It’s bloody hard work and I’m so emotional this last week too. Didn’t think her turning 18 would hit me this hard! Don’t let those things insensitive comments get you down / having one comes with many benefits ☺️ (but still hard work)

What a stupid cow. There's always one. You are 100% a proper parent, of course you are. She's a bit thick, surely?

Exactly this: "She sounds a simple-minded type." Indeed, thick as mince. That anyone could be so stupid as to think it, let alone say it out loud beggars belief. Honestly OP, she's beneath contempt but you should laugh at such stupidity - you can escape it by leaving this group, but that daft cow is stuck with it for her entire life. 😂

What a horrible thing to say!

We had secondary infertility for quite a while (have now conceived) and I dreaded comments like this although never got anything so explicit. I hated having to sit through people talking about juggling two and feeling left out even if actually it wasn't meant to be a dig at me at all. All parents have challenges and they don't mathematically increase per child added.

If you actually like this group of women I'd either call her out or say something to the other two in private. In a few years when they are out of the intense phase then chat might have moved on from the minutiae of life with kids.

Or the friendships have run their course which is fine. Mum friendships are often for a season not forever. If you don't enjoy their company don't put yourself out.

Of course you are a mum. She probably just messed up saying how much harder it is with two, which it is.

Are you a woman and looking after your child- you are a mother - one or many children, you gave birth, adopted
whether you breast fed or bottle, working or not, single mother or in a couple, one year old or 15 year old or you child is no
longer alive.

Real here is a meaningless word. I can understand it stings. what to do about it if anything depends on the group dynamics and how you feel.

Bad news that I'm not a real parent. Best tell my 15 year old that she's going to need to move out and go and live with a real mum. Your friend is talking shit. I've parented 4 kids and parented 1 kid and been a mum at all points of that journey.

Omg who on earth seriously thinks that, let alone says it? What a batshit thing to say.

Don't give it any more headspace. It's her, not you

Personally I’ve never heard this. What a nasty thing to say to someone. Of course you’re a mother after having one child.

Never heard the phrase or the sentiment before, but anyone saying this can f.U.ck RIGHT off.

Some one once said to me having one child is hard but you adjust, having second is hard, but you adjust, etc. That first child is big adjustment you are a parent. I'd ignore this woman, she's probably a bit sleep deprived.

You’re too stunned in the moment to speak - but this would be a great time to say something along the line of - Jesus, are you one of these ppl who don’t believe you’re a ‘proper’ mum if you haven’t given birth vaginally or breastfed?! And left it quiet so she could feel the utter dick she is. Obviously you don’t say that bc you don’t want the awkwardness, but what a fucking prick that woman is. She knows your situation but she can’t be bothered to keep certain comments to herself bc she wants to make a point, no matter what the consequences to your feelings. Bitch.