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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague said I look like I’m pregnant

113 replies

MyLemonKoala · 08/12/2024 18:52

AIBU to be upset by this?

At work today one of my colleagues who I’m not close with came and RUBBED my belly and said ‘wow, you look like you have a second one in there’

My DS is 2, I’m single and everyone is aware of the fact that I have accepted I won’t be having anymore children as I’m happy single after an awful abusive relationship.

I told her this was rude and she said ‘I’m sorry you’re so sensitive’.

I’m aware I have put on some weight in the last year as my appearance is the last thing on my mind right now due to simply being in survival mode after a lucky escape from ex. But that’s no one’s place to tell me!

Im still upset by this comment!

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 12/12/2024 11:26

@MyLemonKoala I am shocked to see your update. Sounds like they have been bitching behind your back and now the bullying has started. I'm glad the General Manager has started an investigation. Did you complain, or did someone else report what they heard at the Team Meal? If someone else, you know that not everyone in your team is bitching about you and have your back

Awful behaviour from thee three of them

comedycentral · 12/12/2024 11:16

Oh my goodness, it's really escalated hasn't it? You poor thing, I'd be distraught and would probably need a bit of time off if so many people suddenly approached me about my weight. 😒

fairytailcat · 12/12/2024 11:14

That's bullying

Make a complaint to HR

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 12/12/2024 11:13

I'm so, so sorry you work with so many dickheads! Well done for telling them how rude they are.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 12/12/2024 11:01

Let us know, how the investigation goes.

JoyousPinkPeer · 12/12/2024 09:42

Womblewife · 08/12/2024 18:56

You should have said “ah ! Thanks , see I thought you looked intelligent, guess we are both wrong”

Edited

Or
I can diet, you can't grow brain cells

Jifmicroliquid · 12/12/2024 09:40

Not only is she a rude cow, but she shouldn’t be touching you.
Report her. Horrible woman.

Itwiznyme · 12/12/2024 09:39

@MyLemonKoala wtf is wrong with people? I bet they are the type of you came out with something like that towards them would kick up merry hell! That’s absolutely not ok…I’m furious for you…once, ok but again and twice more NO! I would be raising some serious complaints now if it was me in your position..I hope your ok x

Oodydoody · 12/12/2024 09:28

Bloody hell OP.
Unbelievable.
I have never heard the like of it.
Who the hell do they think they are?

Look up "dignity at work".
You have every right to now use words of feeling "targeted" "bullied" " feeling unsafe" ""humiliated" "degraded" "offensive".

I feel so sorry for you.
This is shocking.
Look up the definition of a Hate Crime and you would be surprised at these words all being used.

I think you should consider putting how you have been treated and how you have been made to feel in an email to your line manager.
This is wholly not acceptable.

SomeonTookMyAnonymousUserName · 12/12/2024 09:26

Wow

It's one thing to work with one person who is rude like this. It's a whole other story to work with a few people who think it's ok to say these things. Don't people know that we can't comment on others' bodies any more? Especially at work!

Original poster
MyLemonKoala · 12/12/2024 09:21

Well after this post things got even worse!

So we had our team Christmas lunch on Monday.

Two other people told me that I’m overweight, when I didn’t ask. To quote ‘when we first met you you were so slim and beautiful but we just don’t know what happened. You’ve put on a lot of weight’

Of course after the comments on Sunday this stung and ruined my day!

My response was that is rude (again) and they said it’s our opinion. I said I didn’t ask for your opinion!!!! Why are you all so obsessed with my weight.

So our general manager has opened an investigation.

Horrible this has all completely came from nowhere!

OP posts:
1HappyTraveller · 11/12/2024 21:50

MyLemonKoala · 08/12/2024 20:07

My first time posting on here and feeling so supported thank you everyone you’re all lovely 💐

Will report to HR first thing tomorrow. Grateful for feeling validated and seen by you lovely lot!

How did it go with HR?

Hope you’re okay 🫂

StrikeForever · 11/12/2024 16:12

MJMJMJMJ · 08/12/2024 18:55

Report her and she should not be touching you either.

This 👆 What a bitch!

1HappyTraveller · 11/12/2024 14:42

Your colleague is a d!ck.

If she’d apologised I’d have let it slide. But she didn’t. So I’d report her to HR.

Balloonhearts · 10/12/2024 18:55

Tell her you're sorry she struggles so much with her social skills.

ButterCrackers · 10/12/2024 18:48

She sounds jealous of you. Are you both going for the same promotion or pay rise? I’d report the comment to HR in case she’s putting ideas in their heads that you’ll be away on leave. I know there’s equality but you’ve still got to watch your back.

80pinkclouds · 10/12/2024 18:44

MyLemonKoala · 08/12/2024 19:09

Thankyou everyone. I am usually thick skinned and confident but this one stung and I felt a bit silly to have let it upset me so much.

I will eventually lose the weight but I lived in temp accommodation with 1 x communal microwave for 7 months this year so of course, the convenience food caught up with me, which makes it even more offensive as it is obviously a touchy subject for me!

Please PLEASE don’t feel you have to explain or apologise for your body to ANYONE! Good lord, single parenting a toddler, in temp accommodation, while holding down a job…I have huge respect for you, and it sounds like your colleagues do as well.

This woman has a serious problem with social interactions, boundaries, and empathy. It must be pretty hard work being her; her life will be full of conflicts with other people. You sound awesome, do what you need to do re HR, but try not to let her take up any more space in your head - she doesn’t deserve any more of your energy xx

SaagAloopa · 10/12/2024 18:26

Sourisblanche · 08/12/2024 18:56

I’m a pretty calm person but I would take that straight to HR. Totally unacceptable.

Straight to HR. Inappropriate touching and comments re pregnancy

WalterdelaMare · 10/12/2024 18:25

She was insensitive but really, reporting her? That’s beyond disproportionate. Just brush it off and don’t make a huge drama out of it.

About 6 months ago, a male colleague I don’t know asked me if I was pregnant. As I’m 52, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry!

Yummarshmellows · 10/12/2024 18:22

I recently went to gp with 18 yr old daughter, nurse said to me “ oh congratulations, when are you due ? “
I sad I’m not pregnant, im 46 and my youngest child is 11 yrs .
she replied “ well, I guess it can take time to lose baby weight “
I actually cried…. I never cry !!!

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 10/12/2024 16:43

Well done for standing up for yourself, @MyLemonKoala. I sincerely hope HR give her a thorough bollocking.

Caddycat · 10/12/2024 16:39

Absolutely report her to HR. Totally unacceptable.

EmraldSky · 10/12/2024 16:34

She was rude and out of line. but would you really report her over this? i think thats OTT. it doesnt sound like she was being malicious - just stupid. maybe just keep your distance from her

Itwiznyme · 10/12/2024 16:32

@MyLemonKoala what happened when you reported to HR/line manager?

SabreIsMyFave · 10/12/2024 16:31

Powderpuff6 · 08/12/2024 21:09

I would be surprised if this was just a clumsy comment. Sounds thought out and spiteful to me. Likely this person is jealous of you in some way OP.

Yeah this. Nastiness and bitchiness often comes from jealousy.

Not sure if I would report her. I would have a word with her first and tell her it upset you, then if she persists with catty comments you report her @MyLemonKoala . JMO. (Touching your belly was grim though!)