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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wondering what others would do in this situation

211 replies

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:46

Person A told person B that their DC was poorly on a Thursday, their DC was off school for two days. There was a weekend away planned with a club.
Person B assumed person A's DC would not be attending as they hadn't been at school and said as much to person A. Person A rang Person B shouting so Person B hung up and informed person C who is in charge of said club. It was originally decided that person a's DC could attend as person a said that their dc wasn't poorly on the Friday, they were off for a family emergency. Then person C made the decision that person A's DC could not attend. Person B messaged person A to let them know and provided contact details for person c. Person A rang person C and shouted at them also.
Persons B and C feel that persons A DC should transfer to a different club, however Person B also feels that the DC shouldn't suffer because of Person A's behaviour.
So AIBU let the DC stay even tho person A has threatened volunteers of the club
Or AINBU transfer the DC out, nobody should be threatened especially when they're volunteering.
Person A and person B are acquaintances at school, person B and C are volunteers.

OP posts:
Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:07

There's two clubs that joined together for the trip, same activity different location

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 08/12/2024 18:06

Person A should not be shouting and threatening, obviously.
Person B is a shit stirrer.

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 18:05

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:03

I did tell person c straight away

Did you have the permission of Parent A to share details about her child’s health ?

ARichtGoodDram · 08/12/2024 18:04

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:03

If I leave then the club will fold, there isn't anyone else qualified to run it, but yeah let's kick me out, the other 29 children can suffer as a result!

So you run it? You’re in charge?

That’s a totally different scenario to how your OP reads.

ARichtGoodDram · 08/12/2024 18:04

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:01

I was just asking opinions. Tbh I would do the same again, I'm not here to make lives easier for parents, I volunteer for the children. However person does have form for this sort of behaviour.

Tbh you shouldn’t have assumed they couldn’t go. The organisers can ask, but you assumed and that wasn’t your place. There should be a policy in place for situations like that and I’d bet assuming isn’t on it

That said anyone shouting at any of my volunteers would be completely unwelcome back to our group.

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:03

I did tell person c straight away

OP posts:
Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:03

If I leave then the club will fold, there isn't anyone else qualified to run it, but yeah let's kick me out, the other 29 children can suffer as a result!

OP posts:
wef · 08/12/2024 18:02

Person B should simply have told the club (person C) and left them to sort it out.

Far too much meddling and to-ing and fro-ing

Ablondiebutagoody · 08/12/2024 18:01

Person B just needs to keep their beak out of it. Nothing to do with them. Person C should also not be cancelling A's attendance based on some gossip from B. Kick B out of the club for being a pain in the arse busyhead.

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 18:01

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:58

So should we have let the child attend, even tho we had been told by their parent that they were poorly? Then risk 40 children and volunteers getting poorly just so we didn't seem like busybodies? Meaning we give up our personal time and risk having to be off work?

You didn’t even know what sort of “sick” it was … it might not even have been communicable - it could have been a toothache, earache or any one of a number of things.

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:01

I was just asking opinions. Tbh I would do the same again, I'm not here to make lives easier for parents, I volunteer for the children. However person does have form for this sort of behaviour.

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 08/12/2024 18:01

Doesn't matter whether OP should have said anything, the way person A reacted is worse and should at least mean they are no longer welcome, they can either find someone else to bring the child or move them elsewhere.

DoYouReally · 08/12/2024 18:01

Person A is rude and considerate.

Person B is out of order with assumptions and inserting themselves into things that don't involve them directly.

C needs to ditch A & B and gave a quiet life.

Cherry8809 · 08/12/2024 18:00

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:58

So should we have let the child attend, even tho we had been told by their parent that they were poorly? Then risk 40 children and volunteers getting poorly just so we didn't seem like busybodies? Meaning we give up our personal time and risk having to be off work?

I think it wasn’t your place to say whether the child was well enough to attend or not.

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 18:00

…and I guessed you were Person B before you posted - it was clear from how it was written that you were trying to portray A in a bad light, and B as “just trying to do the right thing”

DemonicCaveMaggot · 08/12/2024 17:59

The club needs to look out for its volunteers or they won't have any volunteers and the parents can deal with having to pay wages to professionals to run the club - or not have a club at all.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation Person A shouldn't be screaming down the phone at anyone.

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:59

Person c actually spoke to person d and made the decision, I was the one who said the child could attend

OP posts:
Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:58

So should we have let the child attend, even tho we had been told by their parent that they were poorly? Then risk 40 children and volunteers getting poorly just so we didn't seem like busybodies? Meaning we give up our personal time and risk having to be off work?

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 17:58

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:56

I already said I was person b, I'm guessing you're the type of parent who would send their child away or to school poorly?

It wasn’t your call to make … and person C was fine with A child going, until you persuaded otherwise.

I think you’ve behaved badly here

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:56

I already said I was person b, I'm guessing you're the type of parent who would send their child away or to school poorly?

OP posts:
FlatShoesOnly · 08/12/2024 17:56

I think your problems started when you “assumed” someone else’s DC wouldn’t attend. If the DC had D&V on Thurs and was better but not in school on Fri, why shouldn’t they attend a club outing on Sat? In the other hand if they had just come out in chicken pox that would be another matter. But B should have said to A “oh what a shame you kid can’t attend” not “I’ve let C know on your behalf” or whatever it was you did.

KittenPause · 08/12/2024 17:56

Person B shouldn't have got involved

Person B is annoying

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:56

Personally if my child hadn't been at school before a trip then they wouldn't be going on the trip, if they are well enough for a treat then they are well enough to go to school.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 17:55

In my best Poirot voice

Why did person C decide that that Person As child could not attend ?
Why has person B put themselves in the middle of this ?

Maybe the kids weren’t sick, maybe they just fancied a couple of days off ??

Person B sounds like a shit-stirrer, who has written a post to deliberately paint Person A in a bad light .. in an attempt to deflect from their gossiping

I’m guessing you are person B

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:54

Person c was in charge

OP posts:
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