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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wondering what others would do in this situation

211 replies

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:46

Person A told person B that their DC was poorly on a Thursday, their DC was off school for two days. There was a weekend away planned with a club.
Person B assumed person A's DC would not be attending as they hadn't been at school and said as much to person A. Person A rang Person B shouting so Person B hung up and informed person C who is in charge of said club. It was originally decided that person a's DC could attend as person a said that their dc wasn't poorly on the Friday, they were off for a family emergency. Then person C made the decision that person A's DC could not attend. Person B messaged person A to let them know and provided contact details for person c. Person A rang person C and shouted at them also.
Persons B and C feel that persons A DC should transfer to a different club, however Person B also feels that the DC shouldn't suffer because of Person A's behaviour.
So AIBU let the DC stay even tho person A has threatened volunteers of the club
Or AINBU transfer the DC out, nobody should be threatened especially when they're volunteering.
Person A and person B are acquaintances at school, person B and C are volunteers.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 08/12/2024 18:31

Depends what kind of illness the child had and if they were feeling better by the Friday evening. Children can bounce back quickly and I can totally see how a child with a temperature Thursday morning may be better with a normal temperature on Friday morning, parents may have decided to keep the child off another day just in case as it’s not always obvious at 8am if child is well enough but it may have been clear by Friday afternoon the child was fine. Just because a child is off school doesn’t automatically mean they’re going to be unwell and contagious that evening. I think unless you knew the details of the child’s illness and knew for sure they were too unwell for the trip you shouldn’t have gotten involved, most illnesses are contagious before symptoms anyway so if the child was at the club Wednesday night chances are other kids going on the trip had already been exposed to the illness and that it would be going around over the weekend anyway! If I was Parent A I would be annoyed at you for getting involved, although obviously that still isn’t an excuse for being rude and aggressive on the phone. I do think you overstepped though as you have no idea whether the child was actually ill in the first place.

UneFoisAuChalet · 08/12/2024 18:31

Sooo my son was off school on Thursday because he was ill - sore throat, bunged up. He did attend his football match today because he was better.

Things like this depend on the kid and the parents. I know when my child is ok to return to normal activities. Same way I know when he’s off.

Mind your own business.

Socrateswasrightaboutvoting · 08/12/2024 18:31

Person A was wrong
Person B is that typically toxic and judgmental volunteer.

You don't do it for the children, that much is clear. As others have said person C is well rid of the pair of you. If they haven't marked your card for your behavior in this situation, they are also a poor judge of character.

Sweatinginthecold · 08/12/2024 18:31

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:19

There are two groups who have joined together for a weekend away. The child goes to my group, the other group leader was the person in charge of the whole weekend.
The child was fine on Wednesday as was at the group.
I find it strange that others would keep their children off school but then still let them go on a trip.
Once it was ascertained what was actually the illness the child would then be able or not able to attend.
I just personally couldn't send my child away when they'd been off school

That's because you're looking at it from a privileged POV, where your DC only needs to be off school when they have a contagious illness. Lots of DC have conditions that mean time off school that are none of your business.

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:29

SapphireOpal · 08/12/2024 18:28

You don't get to make that decision for other parents though.

Show quote history

no but then they have to consider the wellbeing of 40ish people instead

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:28

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:19

There are two groups who have joined together for a weekend away. The child goes to my group, the other group leader was the person in charge of the whole weekend.
The child was fine on Wednesday as was at the group.
I find it strange that others would keep their children off school but then still let them go on a trip.
Once it was ascertained what was actually the illness the child would then be able or not able to attend.
I just personally couldn't send my child away when they'd been off school

but some people wouldn't consider that and would still want them to go on the trip

SapphireOpal · 08/12/2024 18:28

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:19

There are two groups who have joined together for a weekend away. The child goes to my group, the other group leader was the person in charge of the whole weekend.
The child was fine on Wednesday as was at the group.
I find it strange that others would keep their children off school but then still let them go on a trip.
Once it was ascertained what was actually the illness the child would then be able or not able to attend.
I just personally couldn't send my child away when they'd been off school

You don't get to make that decision for other parents though.

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:26

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:58

So should we have let the child attend, even tho we had been told by their parent that they were poorly? Then risk 40 children and volunteers getting poorly just so we didn't seem like busybodies? Meaning we give up our personal time and risk having to be off work?

by majority of fellow mumsnetters logic the answer would be yes

MildredSauce · 08/12/2024 18:26

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:03

If I leave then the club will fold, there isn't anyone else qualified to run it, but yeah let's kick me out, the other 29 children can suffer as a result!

I volunteer for the children, but hey yes, it's all about me, let them suffer!

Whaleandsnail6 · 08/12/2024 18:23

Im so confused by the style of posting so I might have missed this but...

How did you (person B) know what was wrong with the child and that it was contagious?

And was the parent lying about the family emergency or were you wrong and they didnt have a contagious illness?

SabbatWheel · 08/12/2024 18:23

Oh, the drama caused by you, what a busybody!
Whatever you personally could or couldn’t do in this situation was of no concern.
Little Miss Perfect.

SaagAloopa · 08/12/2024 18:22

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 18:00

…and I guessed you were Person B before you posted - it was clear from how it was written that you were trying to portray A in a bad light, and B as “just trying to do the right thing”

That's true

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:19

There are two groups who have joined together for a weekend away. The child goes to my group, the other group leader was the person in charge of the whole weekend.
The child was fine on Wednesday as was at the group.
I find it strange that others would keep their children off school but then still let them go on a trip.
Once it was ascertained what was actually the illness the child would then be able or not able to attend.
I just personally couldn't send my child away when they'd been off school

OP posts:
Simonjt · 08/12/2024 18:19

Person B is a busy body, they also aren’t allowed to disclose medical information to anyone else without consent of the person/their guardian.

Hankunamatata · 08/12/2024 18:17

Just because you think a child shouldn't go on a trip if they havnt been in school not everyone does. I will often keep mine off for an extra day if have been poorly to make sure they are fully recovered.

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 18:16

I feel sorry for Person C, caught up in this pathetic shit-show

Hankunamatata · 08/12/2024 18:15

This had absolutely nothing to do woth person B and they should have butted out.

How do you know the child didn't throw up Wednesday night then parent A kept them off for 2 days as per policy.

Itiswhysofew · 08/12/2024 18:13

Person A rang Person B shouting so Person B hung up

Why did person A ring person B shouting in the first place?

ARichtGoodDram · 08/12/2024 18:12

Tbh it’s impossible to say as your attempts at staying anonymous are, whilst understandable, making it impossible to work out if you overstepped.

Your messages imply both that the decision wasn’t yours, that you’re part of another group, but that the whole thing would collapse without you.

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:09

I never thought of using different names. Thanks I ll consider that in the future.

I know exactly what the family emergency was, because she told me.

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 08/12/2024 18:09

Person A shouldn't be shouting at people but person B should not have got involved unless person had told them their children wasn't going to make the trip

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:08

We can mention health of members when it comes to trips etc, especially when it concerns a risk for other participants

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 08/12/2024 18:07

Person A and Person B need to start behaving like adults.

Feelingstrange2 · 08/12/2024 18:07

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:52

I'm person B, I don't want to use names as I don't want any further threats of complaints.

You can use
Alision
Barry and
Cathy

Much easier to read!!

Sweatinginthecold · 08/12/2024 18:07

You should have stayed out of it, you have no idea what the family emergency was and what person A is going through. Leave it to person C to sort.

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