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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wondering what others would do in this situation

211 replies

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:46

Person A told person B that their DC was poorly on a Thursday, their DC was off school for two days. There was a weekend away planned with a club.
Person B assumed person A's DC would not be attending as they hadn't been at school and said as much to person A. Person A rang Person B shouting so Person B hung up and informed person C who is in charge of said club. It was originally decided that person a's DC could attend as person a said that their dc wasn't poorly on the Friday, they were off for a family emergency. Then person C made the decision that person A's DC could not attend. Person B messaged person A to let them know and provided contact details for person c. Person A rang person C and shouted at them also.
Persons B and C feel that persons A DC should transfer to a different club, however Person B also feels that the DC shouldn't suffer because of Person A's behaviour.
So AIBU let the DC stay even tho person A has threatened volunteers of the club
Or AINBU transfer the DC out, nobody should be threatened especially when they're volunteering.
Person A and person B are acquaintances at school, person B and C are volunteers.

OP posts:
Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:42

Tiswa · 08/12/2024 18:39

@farmergirl15 did she tell you about it the role of being a volunteer in the group or as a school acquaintance bexause HOW she told you is paramount
becuase if it wasn’t in the context of the club you have massively overstepped sharing personal and private information that wasn’t yours to share and in effect made decisions based on knowledge that in your role you shouldn’t have

if it is the above is she the type to complain and take further

As a volunteer, I haven't seen her since the last session

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 08/12/2024 18:42

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:36

So some of you support me and some of you really really don't, which is fair enough, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
In my view it's better to annoy one parent who keeps changing their story about an Illness than to annoy 35 parents and volunteers if/when they come down with the illness. Also if everyone had become ill it would have been a serious health and safety failure. There's a reason we do risk assessments and this will be going on the next one.

What was the 'serious' illness? The plague?

Pippyls67 · 08/12/2024 18:41

Person B should not have got involved. It was nothing to do with them only with person C whether the child attend the weekend. Person B had created a lot of difficulty for person As child and this has made their parent understandably angry. Person B is the problem. Person As child must very definitely not be punished any further.

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:41

There was shouting because mum told me that child was poorly, then she wasn't poorly, mum quite often is accused of being a hot head, and unfortunately has been on the wrong side of the law for it.
I told the third person because they were in charge of the whole weekend, whereas I'm in charge of the club the child goes to.

OP posts:
WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:40

Tiswa · 08/12/2024 18:39

@farmergirl15 did she tell you about it the role of being a volunteer in the group or as a school acquaintance bexause HOW she told you is paramount
becuase if it wasn’t in the context of the club you have massively overstepped sharing personal and private information that wasn’t yours to share and in effect made decisions based on knowledge that in your role you shouldn’t have

if it is the above is she the type to complain and take further

but then its a good thing they did have the knowledge to protect others wellbeing

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:39

@farmergirl15

In the film The Wrath of Khan, Spock says, "Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." Captain Kirk responds, "Or the one." This quote is a reference to Charles Dickens' novel "A Tale of Two Cities"

Tiswa · 08/12/2024 18:39

@farmergirl15 did she tell you about it the role of being a volunteer in the group or as a school acquaintance bexause HOW she told you is paramount
becuase if it wasn’t in the context of the club you have massively overstepped sharing personal and private information that wasn’t yours to share and in effect made decisions based on knowledge that in your role you shouldn’t have

if it is the above is she the type to complain and take further

MrsMitford3 · 08/12/2024 18:38

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:37

What does TLDR mean please?

Show quote history

Too long didn't read

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:38

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:36

So some of you support me and some of you really really don't, which is fair enough, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
In my view it's better to annoy one parent who keeps changing their story about an Illness than to annoy 35 parents and volunteers if/when they come down with the illness. Also if everyone had become ill it would have been a serious health and safety failure. There's a reason we do risk assessments and this will be going on the next one.

to paraphase a film quote the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 08/12/2024 18:38

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:37

What does TLDR mean please?

Show quote history

Too long didn't read

Was the same for me tbh

Sorry

CandyCane457 · 08/12/2024 18:38

comedycentral · 08/12/2024 17:53

I find it so hard to read when people use a, b, and c for naming, or 1, 2, 3. Does anyone else feel the same? So sorry, I couldn't follow your story, OP. I hope it ends well for you all, though 🌸

I agree, I couldn’t follow this at all!

Op of course you’re not going to use real names, but for future posts, please replace Person A, Person B etc with fake names!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 08/12/2024 18:38

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:52

I'm person B, I don't want to use names as I don't want any further threats of complaints.

That's what fake names are for :)

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:37

MrsMitford3 · 08/12/2024 18:34

All this person A B C makes me feel like I am back in school with a question like "there is a train travelling 1000 mph, 10 chickens get on in slough, 8 elephants get off in Reading. What time did the train arrive in london?"
The answer is Blue.

My brain literally shuts down. TLDR

What does TLDR mean please?

OP posts:
Dramatic · 08/12/2024 18:37

If it was a sickness bug then you are not being unreasonable, that takes 48 hours to get out of your system so they'd likely still be contagious on the Saturday. If it was a cough or similar then I'd say YABU because there's colds and coughs everywhere and wouldn't necessarily stop children taking part.

SaagAloopa · 08/12/2024 18:37

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:32

Mum told me child was poorly both days, told me and several friends about emergency. Emergency was real. We didn't know if child was actually poorly or not, but if she was poorly we have to take everyone else into consideration.

Show quote history

Why is there shouting though?

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 08/12/2024 18:37

A B C I can't be bothered.

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:36

So some of you support me and some of you really really don't, which is fair enough, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
In my view it's better to annoy one parent who keeps changing their story about an Illness than to annoy 35 parents and volunteers if/when they come down with the illness. Also if everyone had become ill it would have been a serious health and safety failure. There's a reason we do risk assessments and this will be going on the next one.

OP posts:
samarrange · 08/12/2024 18:36

comedycentral · 08/12/2024 17:53

I find it so hard to read when people use a, b, and c for naming, or 1, 2, 3. Does anyone else feel the same? So sorry, I couldn't follow your story, OP. I hope it ends well for you all, though 🌸

I agree. It's quite common to use Alice, Bob, Carol, Dick, and Eve in these situations.

Johndoeskellington · 08/12/2024 18:35

This should have been solely between the parents of the unwell child and the club, no one else. I don't understand the need for the tension and the shouting either.

Holiday24 · 08/12/2024 18:34

I just personally couldn't send my child away when they'd been off school

Presumably if your child was ill at the beginning of the week and were off school on Mon & Tue, you wouldn't keep them off for the rest of the week if they were better? So I'd see this as a similar situation, they might have been off school Thurs & Fri but better for the trip on Saturday.

Obviously person A is still unreasonable for being verbally abusive to B and C. I would remove the child from the group for this reason, or at least give a firm warning about their behaviour.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 08/12/2024 18:34

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:32

Mum told me child was poorly both days, told me and several friends about emergency. Emergency was real. We didn't know if child was actually poorly or not, but if she was poorly we have to take everyone else into consideration.

Show quote history

So you didn’t even know if the child was poorly or not, you just decided the child couldn’t go in case? Why didn’t you ask the mum whether the child was poorly instead of just making a decision that the child couldn’t go? If the mum said the child wasn’t poorly I don’t see how you can decide the child was too ill to go without even having seen them!

MrsMitford3 · 08/12/2024 18:34

All this person A B C makes me feel like I am back in school with a question like "there is a train travelling 1000 mph, 10 chickens get on in slough, 8 elephants get off in Reading. What time did the train arrive in london?"
The answer is Blue.

My brain literally shuts down. TLDR

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:33

UneFoisAuChalet · 08/12/2024 18:31

Sooo my son was off school on Thursday because he was ill - sore throat, bunged up. He did attend his football match today because he was better.

Things like this depend on the kid and the parents. I know when my child is ok to return to normal activities. Same way I know when he’s off.

Mind your own business.

but from a medical view, he may feel better but the bug will still be in the system and still contagious to others, eg covid as an example

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:32

Whaleandsnail6 · 08/12/2024 18:23

Im so confused by the style of posting so I might have missed this but...

How did you (person B) know what was wrong with the child and that it was contagious?

And was the parent lying about the family emergency or were you wrong and they didnt have a contagious illness?

Mum told me child was poorly both days, told me and several friends about emergency. Emergency was real. We didn't know if child was actually poorly or not, but if she was poorly we have to take everyone else into consideration.

OP posts:
MILLYmo0se · 08/12/2024 18:32

I don't understand why person B said anything? If my DD vomited or had a temperature Weds evening yes I'd keep her home Thurs and Friday as that's the 48 hours advised for infection control but if she d been well in herself Thursday and Friday of course I'd let her go on the trip and would be v baffled at someone making comment on it - I wouldn't yell at them but would definitely be 'wtf' about it. Now if the child was vomiting Friday morning (we don't even know what kind of 'sick' it was from the OP, some kids stay home with a head cold) I'd understand B being annoyed

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