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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wondering what others would do in this situation

211 replies

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:46

Person A told person B that their DC was poorly on a Thursday, their DC was off school for two days. There was a weekend away planned with a club.
Person B assumed person A's DC would not be attending as they hadn't been at school and said as much to person A. Person A rang Person B shouting so Person B hung up and informed person C who is in charge of said club. It was originally decided that person a's DC could attend as person a said that their dc wasn't poorly on the Friday, they were off for a family emergency. Then person C made the decision that person A's DC could not attend. Person B messaged person A to let them know and provided contact details for person c. Person A rang person C and shouted at them also.
Persons B and C feel that persons A DC should transfer to a different club, however Person B also feels that the DC shouldn't suffer because of Person A's behaviour.
So AIBU let the DC stay even tho person A has threatened volunteers of the club
Or AINBU transfer the DC out, nobody should be threatened especially when they're volunteering.
Person A and person B are acquaintances at school, person B and C are volunteers.

OP posts:
Stretchanoctave · 08/12/2024 19:03

MounjaroUser · 08/12/2024 17:50

I wish people would use names instead of A, B and C!

Same. Bloody confusing.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/12/2024 19:02

There are a lot of different illnesses. Some are contagious but a lot aren’t and once a child is feeling well enough to join in they are perfectly fine to be around others.

Teacherprebaby · 08/12/2024 19:02

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:46

Person A told person B that their DC was poorly on a Thursday, their DC was off school for two days. There was a weekend away planned with a club.
Person B assumed person A's DC would not be attending as they hadn't been at school and said as much to person A. Person A rang Person B shouting so Person B hung up and informed person C who is in charge of said club. It was originally decided that person a's DC could attend as person a said that their dc wasn't poorly on the Friday, they were off for a family emergency. Then person C made the decision that person A's DC could not attend. Person B messaged person A to let them know and provided contact details for person c. Person A rang person C and shouted at them also.
Persons B and C feel that persons A DC should transfer to a different club, however Person B also feels that the DC shouldn't suffer because of Person A's behaviour.
So AIBU let the DC stay even tho person A has threatened volunteers of the club
Or AINBU transfer the DC out, nobody should be threatened especially when they're volunteering.
Person A and person B are acquaintances at school, person B and C are volunteers.

How irritating to read....

tachetastic · 08/12/2024 19:02

KittenPause · 08/12/2024 17:56

Person B shouldn't have got involved

Person B is annoying

This.

Person B needs to get a life and allow Person A to parent their own children.

Person A should not have shouted, but we only have Person B's word that they did. Maybe Person A would view what they did as advocating or standing up for their DC in light of an interfering Person B who may not have know all the facts but still chose to get involved. Twice.

Perhaps an objective observer would have agreed with Person A. We will never know.

doodleschnoodle · 08/12/2024 19:02

Person A shouldn't be shouting, person B is a busybody, person C shouldn't have stopped them going.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/12/2024 19:01

it was not your place to get involved here.

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 19:00

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:48

It wasn't me that made the final decision.
We couldn't risk everyone becoming poorly.
If the child wasn't poorly then they shouldn't have said they were poorly, if they had said oh I can't be bothered to drive child to school it probably would have been a different story. But once you've said they are poorly but having said what it is then you really have to think of the health of everyone else.

Who are you, the school attendance officer ? You sound intolerable…

WingingItSince1973 · 08/12/2024 19:00

Wow no wonder A was cross, though could have handled it differently. You basically decided for her, as the child's parent, to stop the child doing the weekend activity. Though you say yourself you don't know what was wrong with her. Could have been a million things other than something contagious. So sad that the child is missing out now because it seems you don't really like her mother. Surely someone should have asked the mum what the illness was. It could even have been a her time of the month and she didn't want to let anyone know that as some girls can be quite shy about that.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/12/2024 19:00

Person a shouldn’t have shouted.
person b shouldn’t have got involved, nothing to do with them
Person c shouldn’t have stopped the child going

everyone was in the wrong

Ginburee · 08/12/2024 18:59

You sound like you should be avoided. Why stir? You don't actually know what went on with person A.

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 18:58

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:36

So some of you support me and some of you really really don't, which is fair enough, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
In my view it's better to annoy one parent who keeps changing their story about an Illness than to annoy 35 parents and volunteers if/when they come down with the illness. Also if everyone had become ill it would have been a serious health and safety failure. There's a reason we do risk assessments and this will be going on the next one.

So it wasn’t about whether the child was ill …it was a pseudo-punishment, for the parent, for changing thier story. So despite you knowing that the child was not ill, and had no possibility of making other people ill, you decided to kick the child off the trip, to punish the parent.

You should not be anywhere near a children’s activity group.

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:57

Butchyrestingface · 08/12/2024 18:53

I think the thing to do would be to ASK the mother in the first instance.

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they did and got mixed information

WickedlyCharmed · 08/12/2024 18:55

I assume B is for busybody.

B should have kept their Big Beak out.

Mandylovescandy · 08/12/2024 18:53

If person A DC vomited on a Wednesday then they would have to be off school for rest of the week but might well not still be ill. Was it a cold or something serious?

Butchyrestingface · 08/12/2024 18:53

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:49

but on the flip side, how is it fair risking infecting 40 odd people

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I think the thing to do would be to ASK the mother in the first instance.

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:50

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:48

It wasn't me that made the final decision.
We couldn't risk everyone becoming poorly.
If the child wasn't poorly then they shouldn't have said they were poorly, if they had said oh I can't be bothered to drive child to school it probably would have been a different story. But once you've said they are poorly but having said what it is then you really have to think of the health of everyone else.

exactly, but unfortunally most people dont think of this

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 18:49

Butchyrestingface · 08/12/2024 18:46

That makes me think you are VV unreasonable.

Plenty of illnesses can be of short duration and not contagious.

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but on the flip side, how is it fair risking infecting 40 odd people

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:48

It wasn't me that made the final decision.
We couldn't risk everyone becoming poorly.
If the child wasn't poorly then they shouldn't have said they were poorly, if they had said oh I can't be bothered to drive child to school it probably would have been a different story. But once you've said they are poorly but having said what it is then you really have to think of the health of everyone else.

OP posts:
Anonym00se · 08/12/2024 18:48

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:43

I haven't actually been told what the illness was or wasn't.

So it could have been earache, or a UTI, or a headache or something else that posed absolutely no risk to the other children on the trip?

Octavia64 · 08/12/2024 18:48

Person B was really unreasonable.

Ex teacher and I worked in a school for years.

So so many things her child could have been poorly with that are not infectious illnesses.

Epileptic seizure, migraine, sprained ankle, toothache, etc etc.

I would not have assumed her child was unable to come on the trip and it really does look like person B was making trouble.

notatinydancer · 08/12/2024 18:47

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:56

I already said I was person b, I'm guessing you're the type of parent who would send their child away or to school poorly?

Up to person A to decide if their child is well enough to go.
They could have been off school with something non contagious.

Butchyrestingface · 08/12/2024 18:46

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:43

I haven't actually been told what the illness was or wasn't.

That makes me think you are VV unreasonable.

Plenty of illnesses can be of short duration and not contagious.

MrsSchrute · 08/12/2024 18:45

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:43

I haven't actually been told what the illness was or wasn't.

So the child may have been better in time for the trip, not infectious, and able to attend?

DysmalRadius · 08/12/2024 18:44

I agree that the chopping and changing of whether the child was ill or not is suspicious, but I disagree that a child who isn't well enough for school cannot be well enough for a weekend activity. Unless it was d and v or similarly contagious, it wasn't up to you to decide that the child wasn't well enough to atttend.

Original poster
farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:43

I haven't actually been told what the illness was or wasn't.

OP posts:
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