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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wondering what others would do in this situation

211 replies

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:46

Person A told person B that their DC was poorly on a Thursday, their DC was off school for two days. There was a weekend away planned with a club.
Person B assumed person A's DC would not be attending as they hadn't been at school and said as much to person A. Person A rang Person B shouting so Person B hung up and informed person C who is in charge of said club. It was originally decided that person a's DC could attend as person a said that their dc wasn't poorly on the Friday, they were off for a family emergency. Then person C made the decision that person A's DC could not attend. Person B messaged person A to let them know and provided contact details for person c. Person A rang person C and shouted at them also.
Persons B and C feel that persons A DC should transfer to a different club, however Person B also feels that the DC shouldn't suffer because of Person A's behaviour.
So AIBU let the DC stay even tho person A has threatened volunteers of the club
Or AINBU transfer the DC out, nobody should be threatened especially when they're volunteering.
Person A and person B are acquaintances at school, person B and C are volunteers.

OP posts:
MrDarlingtonsPie · 08/12/2024 19:25

Agree, person B has caused a problem where there didn’t need to be one.

MonkeyHair · 08/12/2024 19:23

So basically you knew nothing but decided to get the child out out of the activity because you clearly don't like the parent and have the 'power' (and clearly like to use it) as a volunteer.

If the child had been off sick Monday and Tuesday and gone back on Wednesday would you also have lost your shit and phoned the head teacher and have the school evacuated as this would also clearly be a health and safety nightmare waiting to happen and the lives of over a hundred could have been at risk here, as after all you're all about the children! Hmm

LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 08/12/2024 19:22

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:43

I haven't actually been told what the illness was or wasn't.

So the child could have had toothache?

YABU

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 08/12/2024 19:21

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:56

I already said I was person b, I'm guessing you're the type of parent who would send their child away or to school poorly?

Being ill one day, doesn’t mean a child is ill the next.

Londoneye20 · 08/12/2024 19:20

It's like it's written in code, too tedious to read.

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 08/12/2024 19:19

Person A = aggressive overreacter.

Person B - shit stirrer (and assumed)

Person. - indicisive. Can’t go around saying it’s fine then changing your mind.

Sounds like a club I wouldn’t want to be a part of. Is it Scouts? Surely you have to just accept parents version of events like anything. You can’t go around accusing them of lying, even when you heavily suspect they are.

MargaretThursday · 08/12/2024 19:18

Person B is a busybody who should learn not to get involved.
They're the one who caused this.

Tiswa · 08/12/2024 19:18

@farmergirl15 so as a volunteer she told you in your official capacity her child was unwell - do you know with what

the NHS has strict guidelines on this chickenpox/norovirus yes you can virus no temp/hand foot mouth/tonsilities actually no you cant

do you have guidelines and a risk assessment set out? A charter and an overall person in charge and protocol to follow

Becuase if A does complain you may well be in trouble

Thesheerrelief · 08/12/2024 19:18

You can use Mary, Jane, Bob, Jim instead of real names. Person A, B, C is hard to follow. Person B is clearly interfering - not actually in charge so should stay out of it.

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 19:17

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 19:13

it would of been simple, if A had been honest

Show quote history

I wasn’t aware we had the morality police in this country.

The only people who need to know why a child is off school is the parent, and the school. If she lies to school that’s her beeswax. B didn’t need to jump in

How old are these kids?

butterpuffed · 08/12/2024 19:15

I just want to know where Persons E F and G were when all this happened and if they had any input .

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 08/12/2024 19:15

comedycentral · 08/12/2024 17:53

I find it so hard to read when people use a, b, and c for naming, or 1, 2, 3. Does anyone else feel the same? So sorry, I couldn't follow your story, OP. I hope it ends well for you all, though 🌸

Yes. I get utterly confused.

I wish people would use fake names

sprigatito · 08/12/2024 19:14

"Poorly" can mean any number of things, not all of them contagious. You presumably have no idea what is actually behind the school absence, quite rightly, because it was absolutely none of your business. You've caused a drama and spoiled the weekend for A's child by interfering. You owe A and C an apology.

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 19:13

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 19:07

“Hi A, just wanted to check what Child B had been off school with”

Simply really.

(but i think OP already knew that it wasn’t an illness)

TBH taking 40 kids away at this time of year, there will probably be several infectious ones that showing symptoms yet.

Show quote history

it would of been simple, if A had been honest

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 19:12

DoreenonTill8 · 08/12/2024 19:07

Would the first thing not be to find out if it was infectious?..
Oh better to wield the teeny bit of power you have.
B clearly has an issue with A!

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then A should of been honest instead of changing their story

Babbahabba · 08/12/2024 19:09

You don't like person B and had an axe to grind. Highly doubt you were genuinely worried about health and safety.

HallidayJones6779 · 08/12/2024 19:09

Person A was being unreasonable. Person B did do a bit of meddling - but that’s exactly what I would have done too! You don’t want sick kids at a weekend event. The problem is you’ll always get infectious kids at events like this. Some parents are more concerned by it than others.

Starseeking · 08/12/2024 19:09

Person B shouldn't have made assumptions and started calling others to inform them. I don't understand why this action was taken.

You should have waited for Parent A to advise whether their DC was still ill on the day of the trip.

B1anche · 08/12/2024 19:09

I would love to hear A and C's sides of the story!

DoreenonTill8 · 08/12/2024 19:07

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 19:03

but then what should the op have done, said nothing and then did the i told you so after the event and everyone became infected

Show quote history

Would the first thing not be to find out if it was infectious?..
Oh better to wield the teeny bit of power you have.
B clearly has an issue with A!

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 08/12/2024 19:07

Do the attendees pay for the activity and trip?

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 19:07

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 19:03

but then what should the op have done, said nothing and then did the i told you so after the event and everyone became infected

Show quote history

“Hi A, just wanted to check what Child B had been off school with”

Simply really.

(but i think OP already knew that it wasn’t an illness)

TBH taking 40 kids away at this time of year, there will probably be several infectious ones that showing symptoms yet.

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 19:05

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/12/2024 19:02

There are a lot of different illnesses. Some are contagious but a lot aren’t and once a child is feeling well enough to join in they are perfectly fine to be around others.

yes because covid didn't prove this type of information wrong

ForkHandlesNotFourCandles · 08/12/2024 19:04

Person B really shouldn’t be sticking their noses into other peoples business
If Person As child can’t attend an event it’s up to Person A to report it, not some other random taking control.

Im not surprised Person A was angry tbh. ( although shouting at people isn’t how I would have dealt with it.)

Person B needs to stop the controlling behaviour and keep away from other peoples business. Had they done this there wouldn’t have been any issues at all.

No Person As children should not have to leave the club…..honestly how bizarre!

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 19:03

ExtraOnions · 08/12/2024 19:00

Who are you, the school attendance officer ? You sound intolerable…

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but then what should the op have done, said nothing and then did the i told you so after the event and everyone became infected

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